Life just keeps going. Things need to be done. Kids need to be taken places. Lessons need to be taught. Work needs to be corrected. Laundry needs to be done. Food needs to be made and eaten. Doctor's need to be seen. Floors need to be cleaned.
The day rushes by me. I want to hit the pause button. Then, in a flash, the day starts crawling and I sigh as I look at the clock and see it's only 3:00. But whether it moves fast or slow, it keeps going forward.
Sometimes I long for that pause button. I long to rewind. Just five more minutes ... just give me five more minutes.
But the seasons keep changing. As we approach winter the days get shorter, the light lingers less and less. And then blink. The days grow longer. The kids stay outside longer, taking advantage of a the sun that no longer sets before dinner time.
And the kids get older. They grow taller. They need new jeans far too often. I want to stop it, just for a little longer, just one more snuggle, one more chance to rock them to sleep. Soon, too soon, you'll be driving. And then leaving for college, with the promise to return over the summer. And then, it will be into your first place. And your room, your space in this house, will soon become that room you sleep in maybe once or a twice a year when you come home to visit.
I can see what's coming, I can see things will change. I can't see the specifics. And I know that although it scares me now to think about, that it makes me want to cling to the right now with every ounce of strength in my body, I know that amidst all the change and growing and learning and moving forward, there will be some beautiful moments. There will be new memories to make. New stories that we giggle over when we retell them.
I know that life keeps moving forward, with or without my permission - I can fight it or embrace it. I fight it too much, but I try to embrace what I can. I also know I fight it too often. And so I have to constantly remind myself that it's okay for things to change, even when it doesn't feel like it, even when the changes aren't good, because it's what happens. It's part of life. Bad things can happen when things are not changing too, so resisting change doesn't actually prevent heart-break or heart-ache.
So, when I am resisting change, when I am trying to hold on to a moment, a phase, a season of life, when it's time to let go, I'm going to try to remind myself that it's okay. That life was meant to keep going forward. And who am I to stand in the way of life?