Holly's Story

The next story comes from Holly.

Before reading, here's what you need to know about Holly

Married 35 years

2 adult children

professional job in the legal field

Hobby: avid knitter (maybe make that rabid knitter)

And now, Holly's story

My story began in April 2014 when I had a mammogram on the way to a tasting for my daughters wedding. I was called back for an ultrasound on a second date but didn't think anything of it because I have dense breasts and often get a call back for an ultrasound. However, this time the radiologist said he thought I should have a biopsy on my left breast. I still wasn't concerned as I'd had a biopsy in the mid 1980's that came out clean and I resisted the biopsy because the biopsy was a very unpleasant procedure (I was sitting in a chair in a mammogram machine and had a large needle (no lidocaine) inserted in my breast to guide the surgeon. I passed out due to the pain and my chair rolled back with my breast still in the machine). The radiologist was insistent and I scheduled the biopsy for May. I was so convinced this would be another false alarm I told the radiologist to call me with the results. A week later I got the call at work that the biopsy was positive for breast cancer. I was absolutely paralyzed with fear, anger and depression. I called my husband and 2 friends and then proceeded to make an appointment with a surgeon and oncologist.

My surgeon is young and beautiful enough to be a model. She was wonderful and told me that I'd live to my 90's and die of something other than breast cancer, this would be a bump in the road. She recommended a partial mastectomy or lumpectomy because my tumor was small, 2cm. My consultation with the oncologist was not quite so pleasant, she explained I had HERS2+ breast cancer, it was aggressive and I should start chemotherapy ASAP. I refused as my daughters wedding was a month away and I didn't want that joyous occasion marred by the side effects of chemotherapy.

While sitting on my surgeon's exam table waiting for a lymphedema pretest I got a call from the hospital that my father had been admitted and I needed to immediately get there with his Health Care Proxy and Living Will. I rushed to the hospital with documents in hand and had to make difficult end of life decisions for him. The doctor didn't think he would last the night at that point. Less than a week later I had my first lumpectomy and the following day my father died. The next day, while still on pain medication I was planning my father's funeral. Prior to the funeral I received a telephone call from my surgeons nurse that the pathology report showed I had DCIS in the margins and I would need more surgery. After another consultation with my surgeon and an MRI that showed nothing, I had another lumpectomy and the DCIS was removed.

My daughter was married July 12th, I had my port put in July 17th and started chemotherapy with Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin on July 18th, 2014. The side effects of the chemo were flu like symptoms and diarrhea but they paled in comparison to the bone pain from the Neulasta shot. I was grateful that the shot boosted my red blood cells enough to work but the pain was horrible for 1 1/2 days. Luckily through a cancer buddy from work and What Next I learned that Claritin taken before, during and after the day of the shot helped with the bone pain. The first time I saw my oncologist after chemo I complained about the diarrhea but hadn't kept track of the frequency so couldn't tell her how bad it was. I missed a family wedding that required a plane flight because I couldn't be that far from a bathroom. I spent the weekend of the wedding depressed and angry that I couldn't be with my family. After my second infusion I kept daily track of side effects on a calendar I found on line and was able to demonstrate how bad it was. We postponed my third chemo and discussed switching from Taxotere to Taxol. I refused the change because my research indicated Taxol has a greater likelihood of neuropathy than Taxotere. My dose of Taxotere was reduced by 20% and I was given a prescription for Lomotil.

I started losing my hair a week after my first chemo infusion and was bald by August 1st. I decided I would not be a victim to this dreaded disease and threw myself the first of 2 henna parties. I got a beautiful henna tattoo on my head and it gave me the courage to go out bare headed. The wigs itch like crazy!

I finished my last strong chemo November 11th and began the radiation part of the journey. I discussed hypo fractionated radiation with my radiologist as it was winter in New England and I didn't want to be trudging through the ice and snow in the early morning for radiation. Luckily he agreed I was a candidate and I had 16 radiation treatments and 4 boosts to the tumor area. I finished radiation on December 31st, 2014 in time to celebrate the new year.

In February my husband who had been my rock during my treatment was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was told to lose as much weight as possible and surgery was scheduled for June 2, 2015. He was able to lose 25 pounds and the surgery was successful. Thankfully he made a rapid recovery and was almost his old self in July 2015.

 A beautiful court reporter I worked with cut her hair really short, similar to a man's butch haircut. She looked sleek and stylish and gave me the courage to ditch the wig in March 2015.

My Herceptin infusions lasted until June 29th, 2015 and I finally finished all the recommended treatments for my HERS2+ invasive ductal carcinoma. I was really glad to be DONE with treatment!

We celebrated both of us being NED (no evidence of disease) by going on a 12 day trip to Ireland in August 2015 that had been postponed from 2014 due to my treatments.

The things I found helpful during the horrible year were journaling my thoughts and feelings, keeping a breast cancer board on Pinterest, doing daily guided meditation, my wonderful family and friends who kept telling me "you can do this" over and over and some short term therapy in March 2015 when I had a scare that cancer spread to my bones. Luckily, a bone scan revealed it was arthritis and bursitis. I thank the researchers, doctors and patients in the early clinical trials for Herceptin every day. Were it not for them and their efforts it is likely I would not be here to tell my story.

Linda's Story

Linda has offered to kindly share her story with us as well.

My name is Linda Walsh, and I'm a mother, wife, and grandmother.  I'm also a three year survivor of Breast Cancer.  I live in Crystal Lake, Illinois, which is a very good community to raise a family.  People here still help each other and when I got sick, many people helped out my family by bringing meals, giving me rides, sending cards and so much more.  My diagnosis and treatments took about 16 months of my life.  It was not an easy journey, and without my family, friends, and church members, I might not have made it through the whole way.

My diagnosis came at the worst possible time for our family.  In August of 2012, my son, age 19, had fallen from a tree and was severely injured.  Two major surgeries, 11 days in the hospital, and he had to drop out of college because of the injuries.  He had shattered his shoulder, and his elbow, and had other major injuries.  I quit the part time job I had and went into caregiver mode.  He needed help for basic needs.  It was a grueling month or so that included being driven to doctor appointments, physical therapy, and so much more. 

Then I got my yearly notice for my mammogram. Didn't think anything of it and went.  I had false positives before, so when the tech said to come back later for an ultrasound, it still didn't occur to me that anything was wrong.  They set me up for a biopsy the next week, and on our 24th wedding anniversary, I had the biopsy.  Two days later, we found out it was cancer.

I never knew there were so many kinds of breast cancer, and the stages.  I then had to have a lumpectomy, a port installed and chemo started before Christmas.  It was like having the flu for months.  They ended up taking me off the heavy drugs after four times out of a scheduled 6, because I was so weak and ended up in the hospital 3 times. 

Radiation was in the Spring. And I had never been so tired in my life.

It probably took a good year afterwards to feel human again.  The experience was pure hell, and I would not wish this on a mortal enemy.

As for Pink for October, I like the awareness that the pink ribbons get, but I do think it has been too commercialized.  All these companies claim they donate the proceeds of their products but sometimes, it's as little as 1 percent.  And pink products are everywhere, from yogurt, to water bottles to shampoo (a real slap because most of us lose our hair during chemo) and many other products. 

One organization that I dealt with during this whole battle was the American Cancer Society.  I had been involved with Relay for Life for years because a good friend's husband had passed away from lung cancer at age 42.  So that was the organization that I called.  They sent me booklets about cancer, food to eat, and all kinds of other information.  There is an 800 number that is answered 24/7 that will help you with any questions.  And they also provided me with a wig, and scarves and hats for free during the battle.  To me, this is the organization that really does a lot for patients.

I do believe that most of the breast cancer comes from the environment.  I grew up in Cicero Illinois, and three of my friends also has had breast cancer.  One of the ladies passed away from breast cancer at age 52, leaving behind a daughter, a spouse and grandchildren.

I recently became a grandmother for the first time to a baby girl named Natalie.  I'm also due for my yearly checkups in October.  And if the cancer comes back, I will fight it again, with all my heart, for that little girl.  Even though Cancer is a Bitch, and it's treatments are horrible, I would go through it all again for my family.

Oh, and even though I am on yearly check ups now, I still get a bit paranoid and upset and lose sleep over the upcoming doctor appointments and mammograms.

 

**

On a bonus note: Linda is also a knitter and crocheter (there seems to be quite a few of us out there!) And when she sent me her story, she told me it was okay to not use it, but it helped her a lot just to put it into words. I'm so glad it did and glad I can share it here!

Chris's Story

Our next story is from Chris.


My story is simple.  I was diagnosed with DCIS in the right breast.  When I saw the surgeon he said I could do a lumpectomy because it was localized; however, he was concerned about a spot the radiaologist missed at the 5:30 position and the other two spots were at 2:00.  Our radiaologists leave something to be desired in this town I live in.  They have a reputation of being lax and not following through and rushing through the mammograms.  I was sent for an ultra sound and the technician could not find the cancer and had an attitude of "your wasting my time" which did not help my morale.  My surgeon ordered an MRI on both breasts because of the spot that was missed.  The MRI picked up a whole bunch of spots in my left breast.  I had dense breasts and was never told.  So I went two years without getting a mammogram.  Next time I saw the surgeon he told me they wanted to do and MRI biopsy on the left breast.  I told him to forget it just take them both.  I didn't want to end up with another type of cancer that was going to require radiation and chemo.  Because the cancer was localized I didn't have to go through that treatment.  However; the surgeon who did the reconstruction was not available for my reconstruction after the mastectomy so I ended up getting three more operations to get the reconstruction done.  The first one was a DIEP used with fat from my stomach.  It didn't take.  I was losing weight so consequently I lost volume so I opted for implants.  Had that surgery then had to go back because he left me lopsided in the stomach and the belly button disappeared.  So that had to be fixed.  I had the nipple reconstruction on June 1st this year and am waiting to hear if the insurance company is going to cover the cost of the nipple tattooing.  It took me two years to decided whether or not I wanted nipples made so when he contacted my insurance company they refused to pay on the grounds it was cosmetic.  He was on the phone with the Group Health doctor for some time and they finally approved the nipple reconstruction.

It has been a nightmare for me and I am still suffering the shock of it all.  Right now I do not feel like the reconstructed breasts are part of my body.  I feel detached from them.  Maybe after the tattooing is done I might feel better about myself.  Anyway, that is my story.

 ***

Chris has e-mailed me an update that she did get her tattoo done. She's still getting used to it though! 

Carol's Story

Today's post is from Carol. Carol says "I'm a painter and digital printmaker, a native Brooklynite who will live in Brooklyn until death do us part.  I live with my boyfriend.  I'm a firm liberal; love cats, good TV, social media, books, food, and lots more.  I'm glad to be alive."

Here is what she has to say about breast cancer:


I was diagnosed sixteen years ago with stage 1 breast cancer (I was fifty-one at the time).  I'm a Brooklynite and was able to get treatment at MSKCC.  I had a lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy (outpatient).  My tumor turned out to be triple positive.

Because my cancer was HER2-positive, I had four rounds of A/C, but I didn't need Taxol.  At that time, Herceptin was being given to only metastatic b.c. patients.  I had radiation as well.

Five years of Tamoxifen followed by five years of Femara.

Having cancer and then undergoing treatment was, of course, life-altering (at least at that time).  I was able to work (part-time, as I had been doing all along), do my artwork (I'm a painter and, now, a Photoshop printmaker), and socialize.  I want to never again have to go through that (obviously), but I always am expecting that, someday, I may develop another cancer.

I credit the amazing medical team at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center for saving my life, and many, many other lives.

{Brandie}, I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Carol

A bit late, but ...

Once again this year, I asked for people's breast cancer stories, and a few people chose to share with me!

Starting tonight, I'll be sharing their stories and I'll keep sharing until the end of October - which is at the end of the week! And don't mind me while I say, thank goodness this month will be almost over! =)

Here Comes October

October is just around the corner. And I probably should have asked this a while ago, but I'm asking now!

I am looking for pieces to share here about breast cancer: as a patient or a caregiver or spouse or child or however you are connected to it. You do NOT have to be a blogger to share something, or if you do write a blog, you can send me something you've already published there and get it in front of a new set of eyes. I'd really like it if I could have some people write about recurrence and/or mets and/or male breast cancer (since I can't write about it as having gone through it). There is no required length nor agenda you need to follow (if cancer was your epiphany life changing moment, share. If cancer sucks and you hate it and you still struggle to deal with it, share. If you love pink, share. If you hate pink, share). All I ask is that all pieces be authentic and true to you - however that looks.

Please let me know ASAP if you can contribute in October!

I would love it if I could get a lot of view points to share here. I love getting to share what I've been through - my journey - and my path, but I know there are so many other journeys and paths to share and I'd love to do that here! 

Looking ahead: I'd like to share stories of people going through ANY cancer, so start writing now. I'm thinking maybe of starting that after the holidays. Again, all stories welcome - as long as they are authentic to you, as a person who has/is going through it, a caregiver, a spouse, a child, etc.

Please, let me know - in the comments or via e-mail - if you'd like to write something here this October! Thanks so much!
 

One last guest post

Today is one last guest post. I had intended for these to just take up October, but this morning, my 14 year old came to me (in tears) and told me she had decided to write for me after all.

Her writing this was hard. Not that writing is hard, but it is emotional hard to share something you have held so close to your heart. My daughter, bless her heart, doesn't often share these emotions with me - she doesn't want me to worry and doesn't want to make me more stressed. (That's not to say she doesn't talk to me about other things, because she does and I love it)

But when it comes to the cancer, she is often tight-lipped. I hate that, but also know where she is coming from so I don't press too hard and try to suggest other people she can talk to if she wants to.

My daughter is a smart girl, a typical oldest child, and has had to bear too much in her life. This piece is heart-breaking to me in so many ways. But also makes me so proud of her for sharing this. She is brave and strong, but I hope she also learns that being strong means you are allowed to cry. Anyway, here is her piece.

 

Last week, on her 14th bday

My name is Abigail and my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in early 2011. I was terrified when she told me that she had cancer, but that didn't compare to how scared I got later.

In May my mom had a double mastectomy. We had to turn our dinning room into a bedroom for her because she couldn't walk up the stairs. We were homeschooled and my mom was our teacher. Often days she would be too sick to teach us so we had to try and do all of our work ourselves. That coming school year my mom was too sick to teach my brother who was going into kindergarden. So we enrolled my little brother in school, and on the first day of school my mom was having chemo done so she couldn't even take him to the bus stop or help him get ready. My sister and I had to help my brother on the bus a lot as my mom was too sick or at a doctors appointment.

At one point I went to a sleep away summer camp with my cousin and everyday I was worried that my mom wasn't getting everything she needed or that my brother and sister were at home and couldn't get dinner because no one was there.

Now my dad had it the hardest. He had to take care of my sister, brother, my mom, and me while having a full time job where he often had to work extra hours. When my mom finished chemo she had to start radiation. Radiation makes you very sick and unable to most things. So my mom was in bed a lot during radiation treatment. Then finally in November she was done! And everything was okay.

Her with on her fav softball players

Until December came - she started getting sick again and she had a rash near her radiated area. Then on December 23 my mom was taken to the ER and was rushed in for immediate surgery. She came home that night but she still was very sick. All through the years she had constant doctors appointments and physical therapy appointments.

Then came this year my mom had found an organization called Camp Kesem. Kesem is a camp for kids who's parents had cancer. And finally I had found a place where people were just like me. Because though we had tons of support which I am thankful for, there was no one just like me. And I can't even tell you how tired I was of hearing "god bless you poor little soul" or "don't worry everything will work out in the end". Because none of these people understood what I was going through.

I am not a big crier. I just don't do it. When I got Kesem I was afraid it was going to be yet another place I felt alienated from everyone else and that all the counselors were going to be like everyone else. But that's not what happened. I met a lot of great kids my age who had gone through what I had.

Then one Wednesday night at camp they had a ceremony where we sat in the gym area in a big circle and had the opportunity to tell our story. Going into this ceremony I was thinking it was going to be stupid and everyone was telling me you're going to cry, its so sad. They had a rain stick that they would pass around and when you had it you get to talk. Now, I didn't really know anyone's story and they didn't know mine. So I did not expect what happened to happen.

They asked who wanted to start. And a little 7 or 8 year old raised his hand. They handed him the rain stick and he said my daddy died of cancer. That was very hard on me because my brother was 7 and here this little boy was whose dad had died! And then it kept going around until it got to me. Now I was already crying and then they handed it to me and I had intended to talk, but I just couldn't. I burst into tears and counselors immediately started surrounding me. But me being stubborn I intended to talk and share my story. So I moved to where the rain stick was being passed around and I waited.

The girl behind was talking about how her mother had died, and again she was the age of my little sister which only made me cry more. And finally I got the rain stick again and told my story and after words I started bawling, or as my would say ugly crying. Then the camp psychiatrist brought me out to the hall where a couple other kids who crying just as bad as I was were. And she let me talk about why I was angry and what made me so insecure.

I hadn't talked to anyone and it felt so good. I told how my grandma had cancer at 30 and my mom got it at 31 and I was afraid it was genetic and my little brother or sister would get it and their kids would have to go through the same thing as we did. An then my sister came and we just held each other and cried for a long time.

Camp ended and we went back home and didn't want to tell anyone what happened and how I broke down. And then in October I found out that my mom needed iron treatments because she  was low. And they had tried giving her iron before but she kept having allergic reactions to it. And the last time she had a respiratory reaction, which I didn't really understand, but I knew it was bad. She came home and really sick for a couple of days and they decided they couldn't give her the treatments anymore. Which was bad because she needed it.

And now I'm here and I hope everything gets better from now on.


A few notes from mom: radiation shouldn't have been that bad, we didn't know I had an underlying infection - that is what kicked my butt (and caused that surgery I had that Dec).
Camp Kesem is an amazing organization. Their website is here if you want to learn more about them!

How Has Cancer Affected Us

Today's post comes from my husband. I saved this for last for a few reasons. Mostly because he just sent it to me at the end of last week. But also, it made me cry. Not just cry, but ugly cry. And, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep this just for me for a few days, to read it, to reread it, to love him extra and to hold his words in my heart. But he wrote this for you as much as he wrote this for me, so I won't be selfish any longer and I'll share it with you. I think, if you don't already know how awesome he is, you might after reading this.

How Has Cancer Affected Us
by Eric

Eric and I in August

Hello everyone in the digital world, it’s the DH here. Most of the time DH is used, it stands for Dear Husband. Occasionally, although my wife would never admit it, DH stands for something less glamorous. Something I always tease my wife about. Today’s blog post as you have guessed by now is from me. My credentials can be summed up pretty quickly. I’m married to Brandie. I have no blog, twitter, or social media account other than Linked-in. If I check my personal e-mail account three times in one week, it’s impressive. It’s not that I’m anti-technology, the real reason are these short 24 hour days we live with. I cannot fit anything else into my routine, and I’m not one to do something half hearted or poorly.

How has cancer affected us? It might almost be easier to talk about ways it didn’t affect us.

Cancer. Just finding a starting point is hard. Cancer is a taker. It takes an individual’s time, well-being, money, and this is a short list of the many things which come to mind. In order to combat cancer one needs to surround themselves with a support group of givers. Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer, people and organizations have given their time, meals, emotional support, and yes; money too. Within our own family we regularly give to each other. This has been important, as a family unit we’ve grown closer during this time of need. Sometimes we asked for help, many times though it was offered without any request on our part. It is truly humbling to receive this help.

Eric coaching softball

I have a typical guy trait in that I do not get very emotional. Outside of funerals, my wife has only seen me tear up a couple of times the 15 years we’ve been together. In retrospect though, we could not have made it through without the support of family, friends, church, and other groups. This thought makes me cry. I look at the growing up which our kids had to do. How many times I was forced to use the “C” word on them as reason for them to put aside being the kids that they were supposed to be and transform into an adult because the house needed to be quiet, they would be left home alone, that they couldn’t play with their friends on a nice day, or join some sport they wanted to do, etc. This thought makes me cry. I look at the love of my life and see her struggling, to this day with many things we healthy people take for granted. Knowing that even when she says everything is ok, it’s really not. This thought makes me cry.

I try not to dwell on this long. A quick thought is enough to appreciate and respect the situation. Because like a tornado that randomly strikes a town, we did not choose to let cancer in our house. This is one of those random life events, which we are fortunate enough to be counted in the survivor column and not as a casualty. So long as we are in that survivor column, there is some good to be had.

Out of this mess, we cherish things more than we did in the past. My wife takes lots of pictures. Another item I tease her on regularly. I’m glad she takes these pictures. It gives us a lot of happy moments to look back on, even if I’m not sure what we will ever do with all of them. As we go forward, I want to say that the worst is behind us. Should this not be true though, I will be there for Brandie, now and forever, as I know she will be for me. Make sure those you love and care about know this and thank you for being a friend.

Cancer Stinks!!!

she made this on the rainbow loom

Today's guest post is from my 11 year old daughter. She's a pretty awesome kid and has a big heart. She would give you the shirt off her back if she thought you needed it. Her words are simple, sweet and short, but have tugged at my heart in some pretty big ways. But, I'm glad she wrote this. Parts were hard to read, but at the end of the day I love this kid and believe she knows how much she is loved!

Miss M in Aug

Dear readers, 

When I was told my mom had cancer I was really sad. We were crying, sitting on my mom's bed when she told us the news. After she told us, we got to eat chocolate. The first thing my brother said when we found out was "can I go play Wii now?" {mom's note: he was 5 at the time}

Cancer was very hard on my family but other family and friends helped us. People brought us meals and helped babysit my brother, sister, and me. With a lot of help we got through it but there were a lot of hard times and lots of very sad moments. 

But in the end (even though sometimes it felt like there wouldn't be an end, there was one). It all started to get back to normal then back to bad over and over. My mom even had a surgery the day before Christmas Eve! But not a major one, a small one, and she was back home even better then before and on the same day! 

But I remember when every day she was sleeping in bed. My sister and I would try to help out around the house as much as possible and try to do all our school work without help. Even though it was only a few weeks, sometimes it felt like forever. 

But in the end, it all worked out. I'm really glad I still have my mom. I mean cancer stinks!!! But I'm glad we had help. 

Sometimes when my mom has doctor appointments that are important tests and other stuff like that, sometimes I worry the cancer might come back. I get scared a lot about things like that. But knowing that we have family and friends makes me feel a lot better.

Love,

Miss M

My Journey

Today's story is from Mary Lou. Mary Lou is another one of my relatives. She is my mother's cousin, which I think makes her and I second cousins. Mary Lou is a breast cancer survivor, but you will see she used her breast cancer story to do some pretty amazing things! 

My Journey 
by Mary Lou

First of all I would like to say that I had always had my Mammograms, my Paps..everything by the book. I was 40 years old at the time I first encountered my problem that would lead to many more.

My journey with Breast Cancer started like any other day, it was a beautiful day in October of 1986. I had a hectic work schedule and worked hard outside that weekend raking   leaves and preparing my flower for the long Illinois winter that lay ahead.  At the end of the day I felt like so much had been accomplished and I drag myself upstairs for my shower and settle in for the evening. But the shock I received when I undressed for that shower is one that I will never forget. When I took my clothing off to shower I found blood in my bra...I was so frightened and confused and here it was a weekend and I had to wait until Monday morning to call my family Doctor. 

I thought Monday would never come, I called as soon as my Doctor came in, he took my call and directed me to a surgeon, he knew that was where I would need to go, he got me in that same day.  The Surgeon reviewed all of my past records, and scheduled me for surgery right away. He found that the bleeding was coming from my milk gland, it was not a “full scale Cancer” at the time they did the Lumpectomy, it was Severe Atypical was the description on the Pathology report,   he felt that the Lumpectomy would fix the problem. It was a very deep and difficult surgery; remember that many years ago it was much more evasive. I went home thinking it was over, but it was just beginning.

Exactly one month later I started bleeding again, I was so frightened when it happened again. This time my surgeon sent me to a Chicago hospital and I had more surgery ... taking more of the breast. I did not feel comfortable and was so frightened that they were just following protocol and guessing at what point this would turn, I felt they were thinking Liability Insurance and covering their butts and I was so afraid that they would guess wrong. I came out of surgery the 2^nd time wrapped like a mummy, not knowing what they had even done. Rush is a teaching hospital and everyone that came around would tell me I would have to ask my Doctor, this continued all day. I finally found out that they found the same thing with the milk gland being ate into and described it as a Severe Atypical Cell.  For the next few months I saw the surgeon almost monthly having repeated mammograms and biopsies.  In Sept of 1987 when I had my (almost monthly) mammogram, they kept asking me to come back in for more views and sent me upstairs to my surgeon. He told me I needed a Double Mastectomy and he scheduled it in 10 days. I remember leaving his office feeling numb, that was before cell phones were so widely used, I wondered how I would tell Milton, my Husband and my Children, my Mom, my 6 Sisters, my coworkers, family and friends … my mind was spinning. I thought I wanted to be strong when I told Milt, I didn’t want to cry. I stopped in the lobby of the clinic and called him, I thought I would be stronger on the phone than I would face to face … but I wasn’t strong, the fear came out.  But he assured me that it would not change his Love for me and was so supportive of me and he still is!

I was in management for a large company, I rearranged my work schedule to accommodate the surgery dates and the day before my surgery, I was in my office when I got a call from my Dr, he called to say that he had changed his mind and wanted to do MORE biopsies.  My family Doctor did not trust what the doctor did, he called Mayo Clinic and sent me armed with Mammograms, surgery reports and Biopsy reports. The Pathology Dept called when Milt and I were with the Doctor and said “You need a Double Mastectomy, and I can do it tomorrow”. Milt and I went to lunch while the surgeon scheduled all of my pre surgery testing and admitted me to the hospital ... needless to say, we could not eat but we did need time to digest this news.

I recall the calls to my children and family, trying to stay strong but being scared to death. We were so far from home and Milt was alone during my long surgery and that bothered me, I just wanted it over with so I could open my eyes and see him again. The Plastic Surgeon came in as soon as the Surgeon finished to put the expanders in to start my reconstruction.  I came out of surgery feeling like a “time bomb” had been removed from me. 

Milt got me pillows and made me a comfy bed in the back seat of the car and we returned home. I did wonderful, my Sister lived in the same town and came to stay with me and I know that it was hard on her and it was hard for me when I saw her and her girls that first day. I knew I had to be strong for so many people. I had a very positive attitude and I got through all of my reconstruction surgery with flying colors. But after facing something of that magnitude Milt and I decided that life and quality of life was more important than our careers. We wrote out resignations, scouted the country for our new home.

We ended up moving to Lake Cumberland KY, Somerset was home the day we first set eyes on it, we bought our home in October 1987, one month after my mastectomy. We have never regretted that decision. Immediately after moving here I got involved with the American Cancer Society and that was exactly what I needed to heal, to me it was a huge part of my recovery. I met so many people that became like family to us, I served on the Board of Directors for 10 years, as President for 3 terms. I became a Community Activist for ACS and obtaining Ambulance Service for our Lake Locked Community and Chairman of the Ambulance District for 16 years. 

After 5 years I had problems with my implants and had to have them removed, I was named Hero for Hope for 2012-13 by the ACS for the South Eastern Division, an honor beyond word for me. I am a trained Reach to Recovery Volunteer with the ACS. My goal is to help families going through this as we that have been there can be a source of strength and inspiration to those that have yet to travel down that road.

I have never felt anger for what has happened as I feel I have had the chance to grow and experience things in a different light than if I had not traveled this journey. I also have had the most supportive husband and he is behind me in all I do, encouraging me all the way.  I also feel my faith in God is so much stronger. I hope to be able to reach many more ladies in years to come and each day is a gift.

Family

Today's post comes from my cousin Amanda. I will warn you, when I first read her post I bawled like a baby. Truly. While I can guess what it felt like to be someone watching me go through this, I don't actually know. And this post was my first glimpse of what the other side of my cancer diagnosis felt like.

Amanda is the mom to two adorable boys and is not only working, but going through nursing school. If anyone can do it, it's her! Thanks Amanda for sharing with us and for letting me see through your eyes.

Amanda and I at her wedding

I remember it like yesterday; I was at my parent’s home when my mother and father told me a loved one had cancer, breast cancer. I waited until I got to my car to lose it and ball my eyes out. I couldn’t believe it. I loved her, looked up to her, admired her, and wanted to be just like her in so many ways. Growing up, she was perfect in my book-pretty, smart, and funny. I watched her and her friends practice their cheers for cheerleading in her basement and I wanted to do it too because she was so cool and I wanted to be cool like her too. Then as we grew older, she had the most wonderful family and three of the most beautiful children. I wanted a life like that too. She is a great Mom and wife. How could she have cancer?

I couldn’t bring myself to call her because it broke my heart and the thought of losing her was too much to bear. It finally got to the point where if I didn’t call, she might think I didn’t care. I dialed her number and prayed she wouldn’t answer so I could just say my planned out thought without a breakdown to her voicemail. But there it was her voice, ‘hello!’ It was over for me before I could get started-I cried, broke down on the phone. Over the next half hour, hour, I cried, asked questions, cried, tried to listen to her talk and explain, and then cried some more. I could barely get two words out without losing it, because I hated that this was happening to her and I would have done anything to take it away. When we hung up, I felt terrible. I should have been strong and comforted her but instead she was the one being strong and comforting me.

Over the next few days I couldn’t shake the feeling of loss I was already feeling. I had death and cancer so intertwined, as if one could be substituted for the other. I broke down several times, it hurt so bad to even think about her. I thought the same thing was going to happen to her that had happened to another loved one in my family who had cancer. I thought for sure she would pass away and I started preparing my heart for the loss I would eventually have to face.

Amanda and my now 11yo

I read every update, status post, and blog entry; just waiting for new news of her condition. I prayed continually for healing and for every hurt to be relieved. I felt like I was hurting right alongside of her when she went through her surgeries and recoveries. I cried each time a new medicine had unwanted side effects and she ended up back in the hospital. My heart ached when she would get sick and her updates were simply she was having a rough day. I know it was far worse for her, but I know it affected so many friends and family to watch her go through all this pain. Seeing her in person was even more difficult, she was so thin, frail, and pale. Her hair was gone and it reminded me of the loved one that had lost their battle with cancer, I was afraid the same would happen to her soon.

Thankfully, that is not what happened to her. She was able to have surgeries, medicine, and therapies and as of right now is living, ‘cancer free.’ I make this sound much easier than it was for her, it was a long process and the fight continues every day. But she is ALIVE and that is something to be very happy about!

Check Your Tatas

  Today's post comes from Anne. I met Anne on twitter. Anne was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 28 years old. Today Anne is sharing with us the importance of knowing your body! Anne's blog is Fight Like a Girl and you can follow her on twitter here.

Check Your Tatas! 
by Anne 
 

Let's just get this out there -- self breast exams are not fun; they're kinda creepy and uncomfortable. Who does those anyways? Why would I need to do that? I'm so young!

I'll be the first to admit: I never did these. Ever. I ignorantly thought that because there is no cancer history in my family and I'm under 40 {heck, still under 30!} that I was immune to this.

How did I discover my lump? I accidentally found it myself in the shower. By the grace of God. I brought it up to my OB and had him check it. Because I was actively trying to get pregnant, he decided to follow up on it and have it ultrasounded. He also sympathetically said "Anne, I'm sure it's nothing. Probably just a cyst". The radiologist's report came back "Solid mass, suspicious, follow up with biopsy".

So away to the breast specialist I went. He also told me "This doesn't look like cancer to me, if I thought it was, I'd tell you. But it has an odd shape, let's biopsy it just to be sure". Well I'm here to tell you that after 2 different doctors told me I'd be fine, and it was nothing -- it WAS something: a 7x9mm cancerous tumor.

Women need to be their own best advocate when it comes to their health. If you think something is weird and aren't sure about it, follow up! Have it checked out. Don't let anyone tell you that you're too young. It's better to be safe than sorry. If I would've let those doctors brush me off, I would've been in a much worse place than I am now. You women CAN and DO get breast cancer. But because my cancer was caught early - stage 1 - I have a 98% chance of survival and a long life.
 

Here are a few excellent resources about self breast exams:

• BreastCancer.org
• SusanGKomen
• Be Bright Pink

This is such a "taboo" topic to discuss but the more we know, the more empowered we are!

Cancer

Diane and I last year

Today's guest post is also from an Avon walker. I met Diane last year when I did my first Avon walk. She stayed by my side last year and encouraged me to walk the entire thing - which was extremely important to me. Even when I yelled at her and didn't want to take another step! We walked together again this year, and will walk again next year. Diane has endless amounts of energy and a spring in her step! I'm so glad we are One More Mile teammates! Diane is a physical therapist by day and an avid sewer and wonderful grandmother by night.

Cancer
by Diane

Cancer....something evil or malignant that spreads destructively .  This is  one of the definitions I found when looking in the dictionary and  I tend to agree. This powerful disease has not affected me personally  since my brother passed away in 1974 of Leukemia. Cancer has invaded my friends and their families.  It has been evil and destructive to their lives, changing their course forever. Throughout the years I have become more saddened as Cancer infected those around me.  I have felt devastated and  helpless because I could not fully understand their battles and the feelings that enveloped the victims. Over  the past few years I finally decided that I CAN and will make a difference.

 

Diane, always with a smile on her face!

This past year especially has been one with a variety of mood swings when it comes to cancer in my life.  Two of the most amazing ladies I know are breast cancer survivors.  Sue is a 6 yr survivor and Brandie a mere 34 is a 1 ½ yr survivor.  They have both taught me what courage and faith is about.

Two years ago I found out a friend of mines daughter in law was diagnosed with Breast Cancer at the age of 33.  She began treatments and is doing well.  An amazing young lady who has never lost faith. 

Just recently a friend of mine became an angel in heaven.  She was diagnosed with Breast Cancer  and after treatment for that she was diagnosed with Brain Cancer and passed away recently.  She was a wonderful lady who made everyone smile.

Last fall I lost a very special patient.  She was diagnosed several years ago with stage 4 breast  cancer which then metastasized to the bone.  After fighting for several years she stopped her treatments and put everything in Gods hands.  Margaret lived everyday to its fullest.  She gave life all she could.  This courageous individual taught me that even though obstacles get in our way we must fight these battles to the best of our abilities.  She touched my heart, filled my soul & changed me as a person forever

Almost a year ago very good friend  lost her father to colon cancer after a courageous fight

Diane, me and team Amazeboobs

If Margaret, Polly, Maggie, Brandie, Sue  and  Curtis & hundreds of thousands of others I don't know can fight the battle for their lives who am I not to stand in the trenches & fight with them? I have made fighting cancer my mission, if I can help others become aware of the necessity to become involved fighting the fight then I have completed my mission This will not be an easy task as each day hundreds of individuals are diagnosed with cancer. If I can educate others, your Mom might be around in a few years, your daughter won't be 35 years old fighting for her life & I will know in my heart that I made my angels Polly & Margaret proud.

I have chosen to walk each year in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer because I feel this is my mission.  I feel so right to walk and raise funds that will help educate others and hopefully one day put an end to this disease.  Though this is a devastating illness and I can only imagine the challenges victims face I know in my heart that I am in it to end it and I pray that one day this will be no more.