It's the night after Christmas

Another Christmas has come and gone.

I swear, we spend weeks preparing, and then poof! It's here. And over. And you've barely had time to take it all in!

That's not to say I don't enjoy the preparing. And I love the actual two days - Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

Our family was positively spoiled this year: both by ourselves and from others.

But I probably won't remember the specifics of this. We are spoiled every year. Every year the husband and I say that we went over the top for each other, for our kids. We have never had to have the experience of going without at Christmas or of feeling sad because we can't get our kids "enough." We've never had a Christmas where there is no where to go to celebrate the holiday with. And we've never had a Christmas apart (though it was close one year).

In ten years I might forget that this was the year I splurged and got my husband the new computer items he wanted (but would never want to spend the money on himself like that). I will probably forget that this was the year I got tons of baking supplies that I hope to use so many times that maybe in ten years they will already be replaced. I might forget that my son got a lot of dinosaur things - which he still loves and is so excited for. I might forget that I managed to somehow pick out make-up that the 16 year old actually likes. And I might forget that the 13 year old was most excited about getting a set of bed sheets with chickens printed on them.

What I hope to remember is that we baked a lot of cookies, but even better: we shared a lot of cookies. I hope I remember that my mom took me shopping and paid for cookie baking supplies so it would be one less thing for me to have to budget for the month (for while we don't go without, we also don't have unlimited spending) and that it felt like she handed me a million dollars instead of flour, sugar, butter, and some other things.

I hope I remember getting to rock our baby cousin to sleep at the Christmas Eve party. I haven't rocked a baby to sleep in a while, and her and I tucked away in a quiet room and I stole lots of baby kisses.

I hope I remember my 10 year old coming down stairs at 10:30 at night because he was just too excited to sleep! And Christmas is awesome and he just didn't know how he'd ever sleep! So we cuddled on the couch, flipped on The Christmas Story marathon and watched some tv together. And it was so sweet because at 10 he doesn't cuddle with me very often anymore. And we certainly don't get many moments where it's just the two of us.

I hope I remember the look on my mom's face as we all opened what she gave us. While what she gave us was awesome, her face of seeing us get it was priceless. For her the joy of Christmas is in seeing what happiness she can bring to others, and this year, that seemed to shine brighter than ever. Maybe it's always shone so bright, and this year is just the first year I saw it so much. But it was awesome. And I want to be like her.

I hope I remember how excited granny was that Santa brought her a present and filled her stocking too. We did this last year, but it seemed more fun this year. And I suppose it's probably been a while since granny has unpacked a stocking, but the simplest stocking stuffers made her smile.

I hope I remember that even though I didn't decorate every square inch of this house as planned - because we were having work on the house done, we couldn't decorate - that it was still a wonderful Christmas.

I hope I remember all the smiles I got to see. And all the hugs I was given and got to give. I hope I remember the happy tears - while just a few here and there - that I cried. And saw others cry, because even though things aren't perfect, and there is illness and sickness and some wish list items not purchased or received and some family isn't close enough to hug and some family members are (we like to wish) celebrating with us in Heaven, that despite the imperfections and heartbreak that exist in this world, that Christmas is still an amazing, wonderful time. And that the happiness and joy of the season seem to fill the cracks, if only for a small bit of time as you sit around the tree with your loved ones (the ones that were chosen and the ones that family ties you to). For a few moments, you look around and see smiles, and hear laughter. And sometimes there are tears in the eyes - sometimes happy tears, sometimes sad tears. But for a few moments, it's all okay.

I know we're supposed to carry the spirit of the season all year round. That's a lot of pressure though. Heck, I barely survived my great gingerbread-house-melt-down of 2015 (though I did) because it's hard to be happy and upbeat all the time. Life is just not built that way.

But for a few magical moments on Christmas, it all seems to fade away and just take a break. I am surrounded by the love of family and friends. I'm surrounded by smiles. I'm surrounded by squeals of delight.

It truly is a most wonderful time of the year for me.

I hope your holiday season was wonderful as well, even if not perfect, regardless of whatever holiday you celebrate (or don't) this time of year.

Traditions

Our 2015 pick!

For the last 5ish years or so, my oldest child and I have set out to make a lot (and I mean a lot!) of cookies at the holiday time.

But we don't just make cookies, each year, we head out and pick a new cookie magazine to get our recipes from, along with a few standard ones we make each year (like chocolate chip!).

We bake most of the cookies together. Sometimes the other children help. Sometimes my oldest can't be helping. Sometimes I rest and let her mix and stir and roll and cut.

But at the end of a few days work, we have a lot of cookies to eat, and share, and give and distribute. Mostly we bring them to parties. We send some over to neighbors. We send some to work with my husband.


It is a lot of work. We spend a bit of money on baking supplies. But it is all fun. And it's our tradition.

Today, we headed out to the book store, and we picked out magazine for this year. And I can't wait to dive in head first. We'll flip trough it a few times. We'll make a list of the all the ones we want to make. We'll cross a few off the list as we usually pick out about 6 recipes too many. We decide which ones to double, or maybe even triple, and which ones to make just once.

Then it's the shopping list. A massive list of all the things we need: sugar, vanilla, flour, eggs, butter, nuts, extracts of all kind, chocolate chips, dark chocolate chips ... the list is long.

Shopping comes next. We send husband to get some things. We go together to get the rest.

And then the baking.

Last year we had to readjust around her school schedule. This year we will do the same. This year, we will try to bake some cookies early and freeze them. Or mix the dough up and freeze it. Anything to make the task - however fun it is - a bit less daunting. And easier on my back.

This is our tradition. Our thing.

It's not exclusive. We share it with whoever wants to share it with us.

But it's still ours.

Someday I imagine going to her house, and seeing the magazine her and her child picked out and getting a chance to help them mix and stir and roll and cut and back. {note: these are my dreams. I don't know if they her dreams, and I certainly won't push them on her if she chooses to do something else.}

But this is the start of the holiday season for us. And I can't wait to see (and taste) how cookie baking goes this year! 

House of Cards

*As a reminder, I am part of the Netflix Stream Team. I am being compensated for sharing about Netflix with you. However, as always, all thoughts and opinions are my own!


Do you know what today is? Today is February 27.

I have been counting down to this day.

Today, well, early this am, the next season of Netflix's original show House of Cards comes out.

And so, I will attempt to watch as many episodes as possible to get through them all.

I LOVE binge watching things. And I especially love binge watching House of Cards!

I watched the first season when it came out, in a few weeks.

Last year, I watched the second season in a week. I considered it my Valentine's Day gift to myself!

This year, I will attempt to do the same thing.

Here's how I've prepared:

• I've already warned my family that momma will be a bit preoccupied until all episodes have been watched.
• I've got drinks lined up: water, tea, and Izze.
• I've got a secret stash of chocolate. And a box of Girl Scout Cookies just for me. 
• I've also got chips, veggies, hummus, and other yummy snacks on hand as well! 
• I've planned simple dinners that will allow me more watching time. 
• The tablet and computer will be charged since I will stream it through one of those devices.
• My headphones have become unlost (related: I always lose them! Why are they so easy to lose?) so that if I can watch if someone else wants to be in the same room and not hear it. NOTE: Not the children though. This isn't a show I'd watch with my children in the room ... I mean the husband or the granny!
• I've got two knitting projects to keep my hands busy as I watch. 
• I rewatched the last episode of season 2 last night to remind myself of what exactly was going on
• I've already noted who of my friends will be watching as well so we can discuss, discuss, and gasp in awe at what happens together.

Speaking of friends, I have a "date" with a friend in New Jersey. We're going to video chat and watch the first episode together! I'm so excited to do this. No one else in my house watches this show so it will be fun to have someone to watch it with. It'd be better if she were coming over in person, but I'll take the video chat.

I'm just so excited to see what Frank and Claire have in store for us!

Now pardon me while I run ... I'm sure I can squeeze in one more episode right now!

Vacation Photos

So I know we went on vacation 2 months ago, but I've been meaning to share some pictures from our trip to New Hampshire, and, well, tonight seems like a good time! So buckle up ... there's a lot of pictures here!

 So, first up was The Beach. Yes, with capital letters because we live smack in the middle of the country. We don't see oceans and beaches and waves for as far as the eye can see! So, getting to head East and get on a beach is an awesome time for us!

The kids did some boogie boarding and LOVED it! I think the 12yo enjoyed it more than the 8yo, but she was also willing to go farther out into the water and I think that helps!

I stood up for a few minutes, took some pictures and then sat my butt down and relaxed. And knitted. Because I am me. Keep in mind, the 8yo and I had left Chicago at 9pm Friday night. Got into Boston at 1 (or 2? can't remember) am Sunday morning, got up and hopped on another train at 9am Sunday morning and met up with the others just after lunch time. We practically headed straight to the beach so to say I was a bit tired might be an understatement!

So basically, the beach was just lovely! 

I think if we lived near a beach, I would spend a lot of time there. It is always so relaxing.

Quite a few years ago we traveled to The Beach as part of vacation (on the East coast, but not to the same spot) and I slept outside one night. It was lovely. And sunrises over the beach? Lovely.

This vacation was just a day trip to the beach, so there was no sunrises to watch, but the few hours were there, were so wonderful! 

 Two of the days I was out there we did some hiking. One was pretty uphill and up a mountain. The mountain was HUGE.

Okay, okay, it wasn't really huge. But I've lived my whole life in the midwest. You know what is considered mountains out here? Things that would make people in New Hampshire laugh. Because they aren't very big.

So, yes, we climbed a huge mountain - that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Just don't ask my in-laws to collaborate that because they will tell you the hike we took up the not so huge mountain was rated as easy in their Hikes to Take Your Children or Your Daughter In Law Who Don't Really Know What a Tall Mountain Looks Like But Thinks Little Ones Are Huge book, or something like that.

It was fun. No, really, it was fun. It was also painful. And when we got home from this hike up the world's tallest mountain, I immediately just fell asleep.

But, for real, it was worth it.

The view. I mean the view from the top (that wasn't technically the top of the mountain, but do I look like a mountain climber? No. So this was good enough!) was gorgeous! And it was just gorgeous for miles around.

It was seriously beautiful. We live in a very urban area, and we have forest preserves and places to hike (without mountains), but they aren't very big areas. Well, some are. Comparatively. But I'm always amazed when we go out to New Hampshire, how much space there is. Of trees and forests and mountains and streams and rivers. You turn 360 degrees and just see nature. Everywhere. It is fabulous. 

The next day, we decided to take an even easier hike. There is this great area where you can go and dig for fossils and granite. Now, my 12 year old loves rocks and minerals so this was specifically picked for her. My 8yo just loves digging and fossils, so he was equally excited.

Except our little hike turned into a 40 mile-not-sure-where-we-were-going-and-thinking-we-might-need-to-be-air-rescued-and-saved.

Alright. Much like my HUGE mountain, I might be stretching the truth a bit. We probably walked for about 4 miles. And we figured out part-way we were on the wrong path, but we were on a path none the less, so we weren't really lost. And we didn't need air rescue. Or ground rescue. Or any rescue.


And it was fun to not know quite where we were. And it was exciting that there was a 0.000000000001% chance we were lost!

Okay, it wasn't. I lied. I kept thinking my husband is going to kill me if I die out here in a forest with two-thirds of the kids just the day after being so accomplished and hiking the world's tallest mountain ever! Thankfully, we made it back to the beginning.

And amazingly, we were able to find the right path. And walk another milish and get to the dig site.

Which was actually fun and exciting. And the kids had a great time. They each took a few bits home with them (it was allowed - I promise we were very respectful of the forest). And it was so fun.

I would absolutely do all of this again. But I might not do two hikes on two consecutive days! Because I had to sleep for like 3 days straight to recover from all that hiking. Not that I was actually able to sleep for 3 days straight, but boy, did I get a lot of good sleep for the next few nights! ;-)

Anyway, just some fun from our trip. The kids and I had a great time.

StreamTeam

Note: as a reminder, I am part of the Netflix StreamTeam and am getting compensated for sharing with you. As always, all opinion are my own!

So, in addition to knitting a lot this weekend, I also took full advantage of my netflix subscription! Because that was a lot of knitting and pacing in my living room so I needed something on the tv!!

So, I started Saturday morning by watching some Freaks & Geeks. Now, I didn't watch this show when it aired. Okay, I didn't even know about this show when it originally aired. But I had heard some chatter and was told that this was a must see. So I watched it.

The show was great, I admit it was fun seeing some of the actors and actresses and I like today earlier in their careers (especially little John Daley!)

After finishing that show, and since it was Saturday night, I flipped on Bag of Bones. I'm not a big scary, scary movie fan, and I hesitated to watch it, but had been told by my 14yo (who LOVES scary things) that it wasn't actually that scary.

She was right and I enjoyed it. And I was able to actually sleep after watching it, which, um, I'm sad to say doesn't always happen when I watch "scary" or even "sort-of-a-little-scary" things LOL!

Sunday was another day and so I sat down to watch The Guild. I heard about this on twitter and since a lot of my fellow Doctor Who, Firefly, etc lovers said it was good, I decided to watch it. I gotta say, I wasn't sure at first. But then I cracked up. As a former World of Warcraft player, and member of a guild or two, the show cracks me up. It kind of makes me miss the days of raiding and gaming and farming and playing.

Bonus: This month netflix is giving away a three-month subscription to one of my readers! Leave a comment here to be entered and make sure that I have a way to contact you! This is a quick giveaway and will end April 30 at noon! So enter now! 

Date Night Adventures

Hubby and I

 So. Forever ago I made a bucket list. That list included going to a taping of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. I love this show. Just love it. If I can't catch it on the radio, I listen to the podcast.

This year for Christmas, husband got me tickets to a taping. These tickets sell out pretty darn quickly. Apparently, my husband tried more than once to get them, but they go so fast! When I opened the gift I squealed a bit. And had to start counting down the days.

But then we realized that the taping was the day after my nipple procedure. But, I was hoping that I'd be okay enough to go, because tickets are hard to get, I really wanted to go, and the tickets were already bought. Also, I wasn't going to delay surgery because that slot was hard to get, I really wanted to get it out of the way, and it was already scheduled.

Now. I look like yesterday I went in and had a large breast enhancement. I didn't, but I have quite a bit of gauze covering me. It looks like a lot of boob under my shirt. Not just boob, but like uneven, weird shaped boob (I apologize right now if this is too much information, but alas, this is how it works).

More husband and I

I changed outfits like 4 times before leaving in an effort to not make anything obvious. I settled on jean skirt, cute sweater and a fashion scarf. Think Kirstie Alley in Look Who's Talking Now. Time was running out before I had to leave. A kind neighbor was driving me to the train station - the plan was I'd train it downtown, husband would grab me from the station and we'd eat quick subs, and head to the show.

Minutes before she came to get me, a filling in one of my teeth popped out. While I was brushing my teeth. Which, for real, is completely unfair. Shouldn't stuff like this not happen when brushing your teeth? Thankfully, the nerve must not be exposed because it doesn't hurt ::knock on wood:: but I was slightly frazzled because, um, a piece of my tooth (even though it was filling) fell out and I was sporting fankenboobs. My kids assured me I looked fine. The filling fell out of the back of a tooth so no one could tell, and they assured me I looked "normal" in my sweater and scarf.

Phew. Friend came. Got on train. Did I mention it was snowing? And kind of nasty? And while I was on the train I noticed that some pretty major accidents/incidents were happening that was causing traffic to not move very much?

Yep. I got to the train station, but husband didn't. He was sitting in traffic. And slowly inching along. We talked - should I go straight to the theater via taxi, wait for him, grab food, not grab food?

The stage! Squee!

I won't lie. I felt so frazzled! This is NOT the date night I wanted. Alas, I sat at the train station for about 30 minutes, he made it, and we rushed to the theater.

We got in, got in line, ate our subs while standing in line. Because, people, this is what 14 years of marriage looks like - date night might mean eating subs while standing in line for a show because that's just how it goes LOL!

But we got in and everything calmed down for me. The show started (about 30ish minutes after the ticket time but it was fine). And it was perfect!

The show rocks even more in person than when you hear it on the radio. I loved every moment of it. The panel, Peter Sagal, Carl Kasell, everyone was awesome. We laughed, we clapped, we let out the occasional oh-no-you-didn't-just-say-that gasp. It. Was. Great.

Peter, who rocks.

Did I mention that it was great? ;-)

Then the show ends, they say a few things they needed to repeat for editing (which is kind of funny to sit through). After that they answer a few questions and then? Then? Then you get to go on the stage and say hi, take pictures, get autographs of the panel, Peter, and/or Carl. Seriously? Awesome. The only thing that could top it? Is if Carl recorded the message on my answering machine.

Carl Kasell and me!

I was as giddy as a school girl meeting my tween crush. It was awesome. And everyone was lovely. Though, honestly I didn't get to talk to Peter and Carl much ... we were almost last in line and the theater needed to close up soon. Let's be honest, even had I been first, it's not like I would have had a conversation with them. Because I was too busy geeking out over getting to, you know, just say hi.

I also said hi to the panelists: Amy Dickinson, Luke Burbank, and P.J. O'Rourke.

My new bff Luke and I

Luke thought I looked like a grown-up version of his niece, who is obviously a very adorable girl! Then he pegged me to be in my mid-20's. Oh yes, I will bring that up 1,949,285 times the rest of this week .. "and oh, he thought I was in my mid-20's! Can you believe it? Crazy!" Amy wondered if in fact I might be her niece as well. Seriously, can I just lie and say I am both of their nieces? Aunt Amy and Uncle Luke ... that could work right? And it doesn't make me seem like a stalker, right?

Then it was time to grab a souvenir (or two) and head home.

Naturally, I'm wondering when I get to go back and do it again. Though, when we go back, I'd like to do it without frankenboobs or a piece of a tooth missing and without bad weather. I don't think that's too much too ask?

Walking

Since yesterday was a day to enjoy so many wonderful foods in quantities not normally eaten, I thought I'd spend today talking about my walking!

(side note: Thanksgiving dinner was wonderful! We managed to pull it off and it wasn't half bad!)

Anyway, for my birthday all the way back in May my husband bought me a fitbit! I had read about them on-line and had asked for one. He, being awesome, got it for me!

He gave me the fitbit flex. It is a pedometer in a bracelet and it's perfect for me. Some of the pedometers clip to your waistband and/or your bra. At the time I wasn't wearing a bra because of reconstruction and I was afraid that if I put it on my waistband I'd forget about it and wash it! Or I'd take it off and forget to put it back on, because I'm really good at being forgetful!

Anyway, I got and read that my goal should be 10,000 steps a day and I thought, man, I've got this in the bag! 10,000 steps - no problem! Um, no, not at all. Apparently I didn't move around nearly as much as I thought I did!

So I started walking a lot more, though it did help I was training for the avon walk, but after the walk, my steps plummeted! I really had to make sure I was taking time to walk and get steps every single day. There have been times when I had to set my daily goal lower than 10,000 - post surgery or other medical things that have come up.

In late summer, when my low iron levels got really bad, I had to walk a lot less. I was actually getting dizzy spells and that wasn't good for much. But in the fall, I realized even though I was exhausted, I could start upping my steps again. The whole, a body in motion stays in motion tends to apply for me. If I can keep moving, or make sure I'm getting up and walking on a regular basis (even just 10 minutes to pace the house every hourish) I'm less exhausted. Of course, I have to balance this with pushing too hard, and I think I'm able to find this middle ground most days.

Right now, my goal is 12,500 steps every day. A lot of days I actually hit 15,000 steps (which, not to brag, but I'm pretty proud of!). I often pace the house or job in place or go up and down stairs. Sometimes I go to track by house to walk or to the mall.

Sometimes my kids tease me as I jog in place in our living room or walk around the living room in endless circles. Sometimes I knit while I walk (or jog) or read a book. Mostly I watch tv, but I figure it's better for me to be moving while watching it than just sitting.

I've had my fitbit since May 21 (I only know because the website tells me LOL) and I've reached 2,143,538 steps. 2 million steps in 6 months. I have no idea if that's really good, but I'll take it! It's nice to have the pedometer. I walk and move a lot more now than I did before. I especially like it because the doctors all want to know if I'm exercising or not and I'm always like "Yes! And I'll show you proof!" (for the record no doctor has doubted me but a few have asked me some questions about the fitbit and seem pretty excited about it!)

How about you? Do you walk or do other exercise daily? Share and tell me all about it!

Pillow!

One of my favorite things to make is a ring bearer's pillow for weddings. Ever since I discovered I love making them, I try to offer to make them for those I love if they are getting married. I've made quite a few and I love it. Weddings are so magical to me and to be able to contribute in a small way makes me so happy.

Recently a friend announced her upcoming wedding. Okay, maybe not so recently, but in the spring. I asked if she would allow me the honor of making her pillow and she said yes. That's when the questions really start: what do you want on it? What colors? Names? Dates? Nothing? What? Tell me more about your dream ring bearer's pillow than you ever thought possible!

This particular wedding is having an aviation theme, so I set to work and searched for embroidery designs and found what I thought was the perfect one. Then I looked for a few more so the bride would have some choices. Turns out, we both agreed on which one was perfect! Yay!

Then I turned to the embroidery machine (which I do not use enough at all and I need to start using a lot more!) and let it whiz away. After the embroidery, I sew up a pillow and I love how this one turned out. I hope the bride and groom like it as well. I hope they have an awesome wedding (that I will attend in spirit only). But most of all, I wish them a lifetime of happiness!

Sunday

my view from where I type this

It is a gorgeous Sunday around these parts. It is chilly outside, but the sun is shining. Many of the trees are bare, but some of them are sporting some gorgeous red and orange leaves.

The kids are happy. The husband took care of all the chores that needed to be done. I got to sleep in (thank you extra hour of sleep!). I've spent some time sewing today - which I don't do nearly enough.

This last week was good. I finished a few projects (all of which are going to be mailed to people and I hope will make them smile). We have a warm house, plenty of food to eat, clothes to wear.

Life is good. And I'm so extremely grateful for that.

Notice, I didn't say life is perfect. It's not at all. Exhaustion is still kicking my butt. There are few major life decisions that need to be made (no, I won't say more than that. Sorry.) I turned into a screaming banshee at my oldest when she frustrated me and pushed every single one of my buttons. I apologized to her later though, and I think we both still love each other. ;-) Just kidding, I know we love each other, because she wrote that beautiful piece for the blog after I turned into a witch. I've forgotten more words this week than I think I probably should and wonder if I should be worried, but probably it's stress so I'm not worried yet. Though, I will joke about how I wrote "He likes sports people the most" because I couldn't think of the word athlete and sports people worked just fine - everyone knew what I meant.

But despite all of that, life is good. It is good in so many ways. We are so loved by so many. I can feel it all the time. We have good people in our lives - really good people. In so many ways, we are blessed so much. Today, I'm going to think about those things and just be grateful for them.

xoxo

Happy Mother's Day

a flower from me to you

To anyone who is a mother, or who has ever mothered someone, I wish you a very happy Mother's Day today.

Today is a day of celebration, and maybe some relaxation. But I also know for some, it can be a sad day, a tough day to get through. And I'm holding you in my heart.

My day began as everyone has since my oldest was born: breakfast in bed. I love this tradition. I especially like watching how my breakfasts have changed, from husband doing it to all, to the kids jumping in, to them trying to do it all themselves (I think I had toast and oranges that year ;-)), to this morning's group effort and very delicious breakfast.

I love my breakfast and would probably be heartbroken should they stop. I told my husband a few years ago, I don't expect much on Mother's Day, but darn-it, I better get my breakfast in bed! LOL! It is now our tradition, out moment, out way to celebrate. It is also cliche. I know this, but it doesn't make me love it any less.

Three handmade cards accompanied my breakfast this morning and my heart melted. Later a card from my husband really brought the tears out. It seems he always knows just what to write and it just touched my heart.

I was able to go see my mom, albeit briefly, and hug her while wishing her a happy mother's day, the woman who taught me how to be a mom. A precious gift that I know too many people won't get today. 

Other than that, the rest of today will go much like any other Sunday around here. My husband will cook dinner, as he usually does on the weekends {and probably too many weekdays too}, the kids and I will catch up on the Doctor Who we missed last night, the lawn will get mowed, and I will spend some time working on one, probably more than one, of my many in progress projects.

It's just how I like it. A little special mixed in with a normal day, expectations that I clearly expressed but ones that aren't over the top that will leave us stressed trying to accomplish them - or worse yet, leave me upset that my expectations weren't reached. Time with my family - my kids, my husband, because truly, I wouldn't be a mom today without them. And they certainly make a better mom than I imagined I could be.

The moment a child is born, the mother is also born.  She never existed before.  

The woman existed, but the mother, never.  A mother is something absolutely new.  ~Rajneesh

2 Years

Two years ago I wrote this post.

Two years.

I can't lie. It feels both much, much longer. And every so often, it seems like it hasn't been that long. {Though that feeling is rare and often fleeting}.

Two years.

Alright, alright. What I'm really thinking is two effing years.

Two effing years.

****

On another, related note. Since today is my two year canciversary (?) it seems fitting to share this here today. My children helped me make this video. It's for a contest Avon is holding for walkers this year. I'd like to point out, I didn't give my kids scripts. I told them generally what I wanted and let them go.

I thought we had everything we needed when my oldest told me she had something more to add, and that's how the ending came about! I teared up then. I tear up every time I watch. I'm told, I'm not alone in it.

So here you go, why I'm walking in the Avon 2 Day walk this year



Happy Friday everyone!

xoxo,
Brandie

P.S. The song in the video is by the very talented Monica Allison.

Puzzling

It's been pretty frigid in Chicagoland lately (I know a lot of other places are dealing with the cold too).

When it gets this cold, I tend to want to hibernate. So I've been reading a lot (I think maybe more on that tomorrow). And I've been working on a puzzle.

I went out Sunday with my mom. I refrained from buying the 4000. I REALLY really wanted to get it. But, we don't really have a place where I could work on it, because um, it wasn't exactly small LOL! Then I saw a puzzle that was a picture of yarn, and just knew it had to be mine.

Each day this week, I've spent some time working on. Usually I have the radio blasting and I'm singing along. Sometimes one or two of the kids will come over and help for a little bit. But it's usually just me, working along.

I love jigsaw puzzles. There is order in them. Each piece has it's place, it's spot. It can't go anywhere else in the puzzle. There is a "right" answer. And when I open up a puzzle box, I know all the pieces are there, just waiting to be put right where they belong.

I'm sure we could analyze that to death. I'm also sure that this doesn't surprise to many people. (though admittedly I am a messy person, but my brain craves order and I tend to be a very black and white thinker).

Anyway, today I finished my puzzle.

I love this puzzle. Though, I do wish I actually had all that yarn.

Of course, now I'm sad that I don't have a puzzle to work on. Maybe I do need to go back and get that 4000 piece puzzle afterall ;-)

Here we go again!

Here we go again. For the eighth time, surgery.

I am prewriting this, so right now surgery is tomorrow for me. But when you read it, I will probably be in surgery or coming out of it.

I won't lie. I am anxious as all get out right now. I know it will be okay and I know it will go fine, but I'm nervous. Part of the problem is we aren't 100% sure what is going to happen tomorrow. I know, I know, that sounds weird, but tomorrow's surgery can go one of two ways.

In July, I had a uterine ablation done to stop my periods. I told you then about my "special" uterus and how we weren't sure if the ablation worked or not. Well, it worked. For 3 months. And then, the period came back with a vengeance. Then my iron started to tank - causing me to be quite exhausted. So we tried IV iron, which I'm apparently allergic too. And now we come to this.

Tomorrow the doctor will try to re-ablate. This time, she will most likely be able to tell if it will work or not at the time she does it. If, though, it looks like it isn't going to work, I will be getting a hysterectomy. The thing is, I won't know until I wake up from anesthesia what happened. This makes me very nervous.

So I've been pouring a lot of energy into getting everything ready!  The ablation alone will be out-patient with about a one-week recovery. The hysterectomy will be a minimum 24 hour hospital stay and a 6-8 week recovery. We are erring on the side of the longer recovery because, well, we flt it was the best course of action.

I will say, my house is the cleanest it's been since, well, since my mastectomy last year! When I also had to plan for a long recovery. We aren't doing it alone though ... we have lots of help which is so wonderful.

To really pass the time, I've been making bread. A lot of it (hence the photo above!). I received a dutch oven for Christmas and have decided it makes the best bread ever. Seriously. It is so good. So we've been eating a lot of bread around here. Tonight I made three loaves, so my family could enjoy it even if I'm not feeling well enough to make anymore. Plus, I'll be bothering them to bring me water and the remote and my socks and whatever else I can think of while I'm recuperating! I'll probably be asking them to bring me slices of bread too, cause it's that good. {Side note: I've been following this recipe. It's my fav. I did one of the rise for 12-18 recipes (which tastes equally as good), but like the speediness of this one!} 

On a related note, in that picture you can see my sugar bowl. It was my grandma's sugar bowl. My mom ended up with it. Last year, during chemo I went through a phase where I needed to add extra sugar to most foods to tolerate them, which reminded me of the days I used to sprinkle sugar on my cereal while we were living with my grandparents. I was telling my mom, so she passed the sugar bowl onto me. I love it! It makes me smile when I use it.

Alright, that's it for now.

Xoxo,
Brandie

Random

This is a picture of my current knitting project. It will not stay with me, but I am loving the color, which makes me love working on it. This blue is gorgeous. I've used it in other projects and I just keep going back to it.

My favorite color is purple, even though I just raved about blue above!

My favorite movies are The Princess Bride and My Life. Though, I haven't watched My Life since getting cancer and I think if I did watch it now, it would affect me even more so than before.  Also, if money and time were no option, I would totally visit the cliffs of insanity (in real life they are the Cliffs of Moher in Ireland). Also, I have read the book because I loved the movie. The beautiful thing is so many lines in the movie are directly from the book. Awesome.

I love the book A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. If asked, I will say it's my favorite. But, I really love a lot of books so I sometimes feel bad that I can't say all million of them.

I love The Historian as an audio book. Just love it. I'm not a big dracula person but this book was awesome. I think I could listen to it over and over and never get tired of it.

I dislike maple syrup and cinnamon. My family thinks this makes me nuts. I figures it's just part of what makes me me. And yes, I eat pancakes only with butter on them, but we don't often eat them so it's never been an issue. I can stand a bit of cinnamon, but like a cinnabon? Not my thing.

I love, love, love ice cream. Mostly just a good french vanilla is exactly what I need, but sometimes I do cookie dough or other things.

That said, my favorite thing to snack on is a pack of saltine crackers. Any day of the week. SO good. Seriously.

Kind of related: I love bread (but not like plain white sandwich bread). But french bread, caraway rye bread, honey bread, wheat bread, oh, there are so many good breads out there. I especially like the bread I make (not that I've made any in a LONG time) or bakery breads. So so so good.

Home again ....

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig-jig

We arrived home Saturday afternoon and basically hit the ground running!

Vacation was, in one word, amazing. The entire two-week trip was wonderful. Yes, we were away for two weeks. We've never traveled more than a week at a time before, but when we were planning this trip husband and I decided that two weeks would be exactly what we needed. And it was. In fact, while I like being home and sleeping in my own bed again, there is a part of me that wishes we were still on vacation. I'd like to tell you every single detail of vacation, but I won't torture you like that. ;-) I am hoping over the next few weeks I can show you more pictures and tell you about some of it though.

We also started our home schooling year on Monday. And it looks like it's shaping up to be a big year around here. We have very grand plans and the kids are all going to be doing some extra activities that are new to us which will be a lot of fun. Or at least I hope it will be a lot of fun.

In a few days it will be September. And it will be time for my children's birthdays. And then the holidays. And I am sort of feeling that I will blink and it will be 2013.

But. There are a lot of great things happening now. And it feels like things are getting good, and might stay that way for a while. {And no, that is not a dare to fate to throw something else our way or to add another complication into the picture thank you very much}.

In the meantime, I'm trying to hold on to the relaxing feeling I got while on vacation, adjusting to everyone's new activities and schooling schedule, and to just try to find my footing again post-cancer and treatment.

Some Pretty

This has been a heavy week around these parts - at least that is how it has felt to me. So I thought what better way to end the week than to share some of the pretty things I've seen around the web recently!

The first item comes from Tender Lane Etsy Store. I can't lie. I love this dress. I'd buy it in a heartbeat if I thought it would fit me. And no, I have NO idea where I would wear it to. But? If I got it? I think I might wear it just around the house. And feel pretty!

Next up is another etsy find. It comes from Charlotte Lyons. It is a gorgeous embroidery pattern. I can picture so many places this would just look so cute in my house. But, the truth is I need to start a new project about as much as I need another hole in my head.

Now to this lovely sweater that Stephanie of Adventures in Babywearing whipped up for her daughter. I love it! Also, I wish it came larger. I think my 9yo would love it. And oh yeah, I would love it too! 

Even though I'm not planning a wedding, I pulled this idea from My Bride Idea. I love it. It's so simple yet beautiful. These may be centerpieces at a party I throw later this year. Or I might just put a couple on our dining room table to make dinner more lovely. 

And with Valentine's Day coming up, I thought this pillow from U Create was absolutely lovely. I'd love to tell you I have plans to whip it up this weekend. But I don't think I'll get around to that. I can dream about it though! 

Hope you enjoyed the pretty as much as I have. And also? None of the photos are mine ... if you click the picture it will take you to the original blog post/etsy listing/etc =)

Hope you have a fabulous weekend!

Knitting

Despite the fact that this blog was originally set up to share mostly crafting type things with the world, it has not been used for that lately. Instead, cancer took over this blog and became the most talked about topic around here. For good reason too. There is a lot there to talk about and although sometimes I will complain that I'm tired of talking about cancer, at the same time, it is SO amazingly helpful to get it all out. So I come. I write. I feel better. I move on.

And as helpful as blogging has been to me, so to recently has knitting. Actually knitting has always been helpful to me. One of the first things I did upon getting my diagnosis was to ask my mom to take me to the local knitting store. It just made sense. I found out I had cancer. I found out I was going to be bald. Clearly I needed some hats to wear upon my head. Alright, alright, I get it. Not every single person goes from cancer to bald to hats to knitting store. But I did.

And I knit a lot in those days between diagnosis and surgery. I knit in waiting rooms. I knit at home. I made some hats for myself. I made some for my mom. It was a good way to keep busy. It was a good way for me to work off anxiety - for the most part knitting is the same motion over and over. The repetition is lovely. And if you have the right pattern? There is a rhythm there and you can just keep working without needing to put too much thought into it. And I needed that then.

Then surgery came. And for a while I couldn't knit. I couldn't do much of anything actually. My arms might as well have just been gone for as much as I could use them at first. But true to form, I started knitting as soon as I could. I was so excited that first day I could pick up my knitting. It didn't last long. I think I managed a row of the shawl I was working on. But darn it, it felt SO good to get that row done. And so slowly, I began to knit more and more.

Then came chemo from hell. And let me tell you - one of the ways we knew it was affecting me so much - I stopped knitting. Even the husband commented on it once or twice. And believe me you, I wanted to be knitting. But I couldn't. That first group of medicines I was on was just so harsh for me. It left me barely able to do the things I needed to do (i.e. eat, get up and go to the bathroom, etc) and certainly didn't leave me any room to do much of the things I loved to do or wanted to do. But, thankfully, even that medicine's time came to an end. And as that medicine left my system, I was able to start knitting again.

Of course it came back slowly. I had to find my rhythm again. I had to find the projects calling out to me. (Yes, it may seem strange, but it is true. I believe for the most part, projects find me and tell me when it's time to knit them). And then the new medicine started to show it's lovely side effects. It attacked, more and more with each dose, my joints and mostly in my hips and knees. There were days were walking any more than necessary was just going to be an option. But oh, I could pick up those needles and knit through most of those times. Not always, the new medicine also attacked my hands and made knitting impossible some days, but thank goodness it hit my hands with less intensity.

There have been several days where at the end of the day all I can say I've done is knit and watch tv that day. And thank goodness for knitting. Because I really believe through all of this knitting has been a lifeline to me. I may not be able to whip up a 5 course meal these days, but darn-it, I can whip up a shawl. I can't always walk my son to the bus stop, but I can make him a vest he can wear proudly to school. I can't repay my mom all the kindness she's shown me - not just this summer but my entire life - but I can knit her some socks. I can make beautiful things. I can show my family I love them through my knitting. And the knitting has helped me feel connected to my family through it all.

Not only that, but it's another way to honor who I am. I was knitter before all of this. And while I may not be able to knit every single day, cancer did not take that part of my life away from me. I am still me. Cancer has changed me - it has changed me in some pretty big ways. But at the end of the day, I am still me. Cancer can change me, but it didn't take everything away from me. And having my knitting? Every stitch I make? It's a reminder to myself that I'm still me. My appearance may have changed. I may have some life experience I never really wanted, but I'm still Brandie. And knitting is still important to me.

Family Photos

So Sunday we headed out to get some family pictures done! And so I thought I'd pretty them up a bit and share.  Enjoy =)

Some ideas ....

Since I've been doing not much the last few days, I have had ample time to plan projects I will work on when I am feeling better (good news though - it's not strep but I'm taking antibiotics so I should be a-okay for my little overnight this weekend!!)

First of all, you know how I love my cloth napkins? Well, maybe you don't know it yet, but let me tell you I do. I just love them. And I cam across these embroidered napkins and oh my - I will have to add something similar to my cloth napkin basket!

I hope you'll click over to Subu - because she has a link to more pictures on flickr and seriously I think I drooled a little looking at them!

Next up - colored jars. Because I also love jars (yes, I did buy blue ball jars at a garage sale last year just because they were blue and I thought they were gorgeous! And also, one of my sisters did tease me about it!) but these jars are gorgeous - so this year I will be searching garage sales just for plain old clear jars so that I can turn them into this:

I found this idea over at Gingerbread Snowflakes and I just think they are lovely. There is a complete tutorial over there - so if you think these are as gorgeous as I do, click on over and learn how to make them. It really looks simple. And I can't wait to dress up my table and possibly the deck with some of these. And yes, we have started a new tradition of having candlelight on our dinner table almost every night, so it will be nice to have some new candle holders!

I would like to knit myself this:

It's from the newest issue of Knitscene - which I did treat myself too a few weeks ago. I know summer is coming up and it's not exactly summer wear - but if I knit it over the summer, it will be ready to go this upcoming fall!

I've also got some sewing books checked out for the library that I am excited to make some things out of!

And also, I'm thinking of mixing some of hte great patterns at Urban Threads with a few of these

for some baby gifts I need to start working on. Which will seriously be a lot of fun for me to work on!

Estate Sale finds ...

I went to an estate sale Friday. I was hoping to come home with tons more (the ad for it was so promising). Instead I came home with very few things.

The little mason jars are salt and pepper shakers. I have the perfect spot to display them. I think they are beyond adorable and with all the mason jars I am quickly collecting, I decided these were a good splurge!
I was also glad to find the pyrex there - I'm going to try to make bread in there next time to see how that goes. I'm trying to find ways to replace my nonstick kitchen items, so I'm crossing my fingers it works!

But my favorite thing is this old blue milk jar. I LOVE it. I am staring at it right now. The clear one is cool too, but seriously, the blue one takes the cake. I will searching for the perfect place to put it - where hopefully the kids can't break it. But seriously, the minute I saw it, I knew it had to come home with me!!

I'm still not sure where to put it, but I will figure something out!