2015 Goals Review

I started 2015 with some pretty big goals, even if there were only 8 of them. Several of them were large and on-going.

I'll tell you know that I didn't finish them all. I accomplished some. Got close on some of them. And missed the mark on others.

BUT. But despite that, I did put forth a good faith effort. I did work hard. And as I look back, I did accomplish a lot! Since it's good to see the big picture, I thought I would round up what I did manage to accomplish this year here!

1. Make a granny square every weekday of 2015: This one was completed. I made two blankets for our house and one for a friend. I made a lot of granny squares and used up a lot of yarn! And I like the two blankets that are gracing our couches a lot!

2. Read 40 books, with 30 of them being from the Rory Gilmore Reading List: I blew this one out of the water. I read 56 books. A few were children's books, but it was over 18,000 pages that I read (or listened to). I did read 29 off the Rory Gilmore List. Even though it's not the 30 I wanted to read, I'm calling it finished anyway. I could split hairs, but I'm not going to. Because 29 is close enough!

Needlepoint on Jan 11

3. Organize three years worth of digital pictures: I was short 4 months of this goal. However, I went through thousands and thousands and thousands of pictures. I will carry this same goal through to the new year, but I'm going to modify it a bit. Instead of 36 months of pictures, my goal will be 36 folders. Some months have an extra folder for vacations/sporting pictures/etc. Those folders have as many pictures in them as a regular month, and many have even more! If I count folders, I did 37 this past year, so hence I'm calling this one done as well.

4. Organize scrap-booking items/keepsakes: I jumped in and tackled this in January last year so it was done, finished and out of the way for the rest of the year. It's nice to have something to cross off right away!

Needlepoint on Dec 31

5. Finish a train embroidery project: While I worked on this a lot this year, probably about 100 hours of needlepoint, it is not finished. And it still has a lot of work to go. So while this isn't finished, and maybe isn't even half-way finished, I'm happy of what I accomplished. And am quite driven to finish it in 2016!

6. Make money from my knitting: Technically I did. I made and sold one blanket. This isn't quite what I had in mind a year ago, selling things on a regular basis is not on my radar for the time being.

Blanket I made to order!

7. Blog twice a week: I had 92 posts in 2015. With 30 of them being in November. I fell short of this pretty consistently. And while the average overall, is kind of close (1.7 posts per week), I'm calling this not accomplished. And we'll try again next year!

8. Comment on other blogs more: While I did comment more than I had been, I did not comment enough either. But it's good to keep doing this, so in 2016, we'll see this goal again too, but with more direction. Comment more is pretty wide open ... if I left just one comment more than 2014, technically I've done it, right? But not what I had in mind. So hopefully less vagueness in 2016 will get me there!

In the next day or two, I will post 2016 goals. A lot will be the same, or similar. That might not be very exciting, but many of these projects are smaller chunks of larger goals, so I'm okay with repeating several goals for the next 2 or 3 or maybe 10 years (yes, one big goal will take me 10 years to accomplish!). I don't mind having long, long term goals. But I do need to break them down into smaller chunks, hence, each year's goal!

Did you set goals in 2015? How did you do with yours? Share in the comments!

A Look Back at 2015

2015 was a pretty good year overall for me.

There are definitely things I wish were different - migraines, chronic pain issues, etc. But when I look back there was nothing catastrophic that happened, which ranks it much higher than the few years before it!

In January, I wrote about my life when Friends started and Friends ended. It was fun to reminisce about everything, especially to remember all the way back to when I was still in high school!

In February, I had a really hard conversation with my 12 year old. I was nervous about sharing, but people reached out and said that it helped them or they sent it to someone they thought it would help. And I knew that my daughter and I weren't the only ones struggling with these issues and I'm glad I could talk about it.

March was a long month with so much sad news. So I talked about the Side Effect I Wasn't Warned About. I needed to get it out there. I needed to share. And it's literally one of the top 5 most read blog posts that I've ever written. I love all the people I've met through sharing cancer stories. I hate the number of people I've had to say good-bye too though.

After saving for what felt like forever, in April I finally bought the new camera I had been wanted for, well, about forever as well! I love my camera. Still today. And I don't regret the time I spent saving or the investment I made in it!

In May, I wrote a letter to Rita Wilson. I never thought it would actually make her to eyes, but you know what? It did. She read it. And she responded to me (on twitter). It meant a lot to me that a) her original words were what they were b) that she'd read it and c) reached out to let me know!

My 9 year old touched my heart so much in June when he seemed to get some of the things I go through. Those kids ... we're supposed to be teaching them and sometimes they just get us right here and teach us.

July found me talking to a friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. And I couldn't say all I wanted to on the phone, so I wrote it down. I talked about how I did, and do cancer. And how I'm not sure I'm doing it that well, but I do do the best I can, which is all any of us can do.

In August, I admitted that I deal with jealousy. Thankfully quite a few people reached out to say "me too!" and is there ever power in knowing you aren't alone!

September had me wondering if I am a writer, or if I wasn't. I think I'm slowly embracing the idea that I am, in fact, a writer. It's nice to feel like I can finally embrace these words!

October was a tough month. I shared some women's stories, but also talked about why October is so hard for me. And how sometimes the way we talk about cancer just feel uncomfortable to me.

In November, I had a breathtaking moment where my husband's love just washed over me and made me feel so wonderful, I had to share it. He's so wonderful and I'm very grateful for that.

December was a busy month with lots of cookie baking, but also some pretty wonderful things I hope I remember for a long time to come. These memories are beautiful.


Now, we'll see what 2016 has in store for me! Hopefully, it will add a lot more wonderful memories for me!

Time Goes Fast as it Slowly Marches On

Today is November 30.

The last day of November.

Tomorrow is December.

Um. I swear I blinked and November started. Then I blinked again and November ended.

These days just fly by like I can't imagine when I'm standing in the thick of them.

In the middle of the days, it feels as if time is marching slowly, just molasses rolling out over us. Tick tick tick goes the grandfather clock. 

I swear I spend hours telling the kids to get school work done. And hours folding laundry. And hours wondering what to make for dinner, not deciding, then hours thinking some more.

I count down the minutes until the husband gets home.

All the things that need to be done, take for. ever.

And our day is ruled by time.

Time to get up and wish the 16 year old a good day.
Time to get granny breakfast.
Time to tidy up just a bit.
Time to make sure the other two are up.
Time to nap because I'm still tired from the day before.
Time to get up and start schoolwork.
Time to make lunch.
Time to do more schoolwork.
Time to run to the grocery store.
Time to do more schoolwork.
Time for Jeopardy.
Time to tidy again.
Time for husband to come home.
Time to fold laundry.
Time to make dinner.
Time to clean up from dinner.
Time to watch the news.
Time to watch whatever show is on that night.
Time to get granny dessert.
Time to get things setup for bedtime.
Time to round the children up, to remind of the things they haven't quite finished yet.
Time to hug and kiss them, tell them I love them, and put them to bed.
Time for the husband to go to bed.
Time for peace and quiet.

That is of course the moment the clock starts flying and suddenly, like we're traveling in warp speed, the clock goes from ten to 12.

Time for me to get to bed!

So slow do the individual moments march on. So routine is our day.

There is comfort in the routine. Knowing what is to be done now and what should be done next.
The rhythm, albeit slow, is there and calms me. Until the moment the time is gone and we are frantically trying to get all the things done.

This is life. I take some days minute by minute. And then blink. A week is gone. A month is gone. Soon another year will pass.

Wasn't it just 2014 the other day? That day that felt like it took an entire year to pass?

But here we are. The end of November.

Another NaBloPoMo in the books.

Frankly, I'm most proud of this one. I had a good month this year.

It energized me. Hopefully, I can keep the energy going through December and into the next year. 

Because next year is coming in just another blink. And I'm going to try to not let it pass me by because time sure flies as it slowly ticks by! 

NaBloPoMo

It's November. You know what that means?
Thanksgiving? Yes
Autumn weather? Yes
NaBloPoMo? Yes!

And for the record: this is the first year, despite doing it for the last few years, that NaBloPoMo just rolls off my tongue and I don't butcher it 15 ways first!

But yes, it's NaBloPoMo, which stands for National Blog Post Month. In which we bloggers are encouraged to post every. single. day.

Yes, sometimes it's hard.
Yes, sometimes I want to skip a day.
Yes, sometimes I think I put out dumb posts just to check that day off.

However, I usually end the month and I am pleased with most of what I write. I enjoy the month to challenge myself. I like having just one month to really focus on my blog.

I am not a serious blogger - I was just talking to my kids about this last week. I was was passed up for a blog opportunity and not one bit surprised. I explained to my kids that for some people, their blog was their business. So they said, well just do that so you can get this thing we want you to get. That's when I explained to them just how hard some bloggers work - attending events, making sure things are posted on time, making sure they follow guidelines, follow-up, regular posting, etc, etc.

Oh, they said, that's why you don't have a big blog.

Exactly. My blog is not my business. It is not first on my list. Or even second. Or third.

But for NaBloPoMo? I bump it up the list and I like to dive in headfirst and see what I can do around these parts.

So, once again, I'm jumping in head first. And we'll see where this month takes us.

I have not pre-written any posts - though I think tomorrow I'll share something I put on my facebook page, but aside from that, I have nothing ready to go. Not even a list of things to write about. While in past years I haven't had an extensive list, I have had a few things ready to go for this month.

And I know I've got lots of friends participating too, so I'm hoping that they'll post something that reminds of something to share over here.

Who knows! The month is wide open! And I can't wait to see where it will take me! 

Am I or Am I not?

Recently, the 15 year old had parent night at her high school.

Her English teacher (who I think will be a great teacher for her this year) asked the parents how many of us LOVED English class in high school. I did not raise my hand.

Which made me think: for a long time I really, really loved English class. I was an avid reader. For a long time, math made no sense to me, and so it was reading and writing that I loved. In elementary school I was, in general, a pretty sub-par student, but man, did I consume books like crazy. I can remember bringing home 5, 6, 7 or more chapter books on the weekends to read. I loved reading with a passion. I still love reading with a passion. Sometime during middle school, everything started to make sense and I became a pretty good student!

When I entered high school, I was not put into honor's English class. I was bummed, but it was okay. While I enjoyed English class, I had to work hard to do well. And I did work hard - and it paid off as I maintained good grades. During the year, I approached the teacher and asked if she would recommend me for honor's English my sophomore year. She said she'd think about it and decided that I was ready. I moved to honor's English and did well. My junior year I did really well in English class. I can say in those years, I enjoyed English. I wrote papers, read a lot, gave book reports - it was good.

I can still remember writing a research paper on child abuse. I remember reading a biography on Mary Todd Lincoln. I remember reading To Kill A Mockingbird, Romeo and Juliet. I remember journaling. It was good. I enjoyed my classes.

My senior year I took AP English.

That changed everything. The first paper: I failed. I worked really hard and the next paper was a D. Then I had steady C's. When I analyzed what we were reading; The Heart of Darkness, Metamorphosis, some Dante - I was told I was wrong, my ideas weren't developed, I had no writing style, I didn't support my ideas enough, and overall, my writing was poor.

I was devastated. I met with the teacher, I asked friends to proof-read and help me. And one day, during the first semester, the teacher pulled me aside. I'm not sure what she actually said to me, but I know the gist of what she said: you are not a writer. This is not a good class for you. You should not waste money on the AP exam. You can remain in my class for the rest of the year if you want, but there's another English class I want you to take because you don't even have basic writing skills. Writing is not one of your talents, and while I appreciate your effort, it isn't paying off.

I was crushed. Absolutely crushed. And so, I added a second writing class to my second semester schedule. I went in early to take it (as I had already filled all my periods with other classes). I decided right then and there to not take the AP exam, even though I would stay in the class since I did enjoy the readings we were doing. And in that instant, my brain told me that if I didn't have writing talent then therefore I was not a writer.

This changed me profoundly. When I went to college, I was called out for my good writing. And I blew it off. I assumed it meant the teacher was an easy grader; after-all, I was not a writer.  When my speech teacher told me I did a good job with my speeches because I wrote them well, I ignored it: what could a speech teacher know about writing?

I never thought of myself as a writer after being told that I was not. How could I? My English teacher was one of the best, my peers received excellent grades. And so, when she told me I wasn't a writer, I accepted it as gospel. I was not a writer.

I still don't see myself as a writer today. Oh sure, I come here and type some words. Anyone can do that, it doesn't make me a writer. Some people tell me they like my writing, but still I don't feel like a writer. Friends say you are a writer and I shrug, assuming they are being too kind.

Am I a writer? Or am I not? It is so hard for me to say that I am.

A few months ago, on Facebook, I put my job was a "writer at Journey of 1000 Stitches." And then I almost puked. A few days ago, for the first time, I said out loud, to people, I am a writer.

I felt like a fraud. How can I call myself a writer? Because it's so deep in my brain that I am just not a writer. That I need extra help. That it's just not something I can do.

I think that what I do here doesn't count. This isn't real writing.

I don't know how to overcome this, except to force myself on occasion to say I AM A WRITER. Maybe back in that English class, I really did turn in some poor writing. Maybe the teacher thought she would help motivate me to try harder and to push myself. I just don't know. But all I heard that day was that I wasn't a writer. It's hard to forget that. It's hard to not remember how I stood there that day as she told me all of this and tried to not cry.

But I'm trying to change my mind. Maybe I'm not a good writer. Maybe I'll never be a best-selling author (not a current goal anyway). It's pretty certain that none of my blog posts will go viral. Other websites aren't knocking on my door to print my words. But maybe that doesn't count. Maybe I'm a writer. And I need to learn to say it like I believe it!

Here Comes October

October is just around the corner. And I probably should have asked this a while ago, but I'm asking now!

I am looking for pieces to share here about breast cancer: as a patient or a caregiver or spouse or child or however you are connected to it. You do NOT have to be a blogger to share something, or if you do write a blog, you can send me something you've already published there and get it in front of a new set of eyes. I'd really like it if I could have some people write about recurrence and/or mets and/or male breast cancer (since I can't write about it as having gone through it). There is no required length nor agenda you need to follow (if cancer was your epiphany life changing moment, share. If cancer sucks and you hate it and you still struggle to deal with it, share. If you love pink, share. If you hate pink, share). All I ask is that all pieces be authentic and true to you - however that looks.

Please let me know ASAP if you can contribute in October!

I would love it if I could get a lot of view points to share here. I love getting to share what I've been through - my journey - and my path, but I know there are so many other journeys and paths to share and I'd love to do that here! 

Looking ahead: I'd like to share stories of people going through ANY cancer, so start writing now. I'm thinking maybe of starting that after the holidays. Again, all stories welcome - as long as they are authentic to you, as a person who has/is going through it, a caregiver, a spouse, a child, etc.

Please, let me know - in the comments or via e-mail - if you'd like to write something here this October! Thanks so much!
 

Losing my voice, but not my voice

totally not kidding about the white board!

Last week I got hit with a nasty bug. It's been working it's way through our house, and as usual, I got hit the hardest.

This resulted in ,probably to the happiness of my children, me losing my voice.

I talked funny for a day, then could hardly talk for a day. Then was under doctor's orders to STOP TALKING AT ALL.

For real.

I texted people, who were standing right next to me. I walked around with a white board and wrote things down.

It was lovely. And by lovely, I mean, not lovely at all. It was annoying. It was frustrating. It was a pain in the rear. I mostly kept things to myself because it was too much work to relay information to others. Not to mention I was tired and exhausted and kind of just wanted to sleep.

But, I realized, that even though I lost my voice, I didn't lose my voice. I can blog here. I can blog at CureDiva. I can go to facebook. I can go to twitter. I can share photographs on instagram. I have a voice. But not only that, I have a voice that some people listen to, read, and tell me later it meant something to them.

That is an amazing gift.

I can't tell you how grateful I feel when people tell me that something I've written has impacted them, or made them think, or made them look at something just a bit differently than they did before.

One time, someone walked up to me and said "Brandie? Are you Brandie? From the blog 1000 stitches?" I walked on air for a few days after that. I enjoyed it - I doubt it will happen again and I treasure it (though I'd treasure it even if I thought it would happen again).

There is something wonderful about having a voice. Having a space to say what I need to say. Having the feeling that I am being heard.

Someday, I will tell you about the flip-side of this: of how sometimes knowing people are listening, reading, hearing, leaves me feeling paralyzed to write more.

But today, today, I'm very glad that I have a voice. And that my voice is heard.

A Break

I know I took an unplanned break from blogging, but summer is busy and I needed time to just be with the family.

I wrote over at Cure Diva about it. Feel free to hop on over and check it out.

MIA ... again

Hello friends!

I know, I've been MIA again, despite my best efforts to not be.

I don't mean to go missing for a bit. It's just that life happens and what can you do? Or, what can you not do? And for me that means blogging.

May was an up and down month.

We finished the landscaping in the yard. It was good. But so very much work, that was accomplished with a lot of help!

I turned 36. Which was good.

We had out of town guests. Which was good. But tiring. And busy.

I hosted 37 people here on Memorial Day (for a potluck thankfully) and we took family pictures. That was amazing. But a lot of work. And time. And effort. And stress.

The kids had some great ball games which I enjoy watching - except for when it's cold and rainy.

Those were the good moments.

May also came with it's own sad moments as well.

There was (and still is) grief as we mourn those who we are now missing.

I had a lymphedema flare-up worse than I've ever had. Complete with swelling and pain and the inability to basically use my right hand/arm for a few days. Physically, I was unable to sit and type on the computer with both hands. And I couldn't manage to stop using my right hand, so I had to walk away from everything completely for a few days to rest and heal.

This also meant no knitting, taking pictures, crocheting and other things. This may deserve it's own post about anger and not accepting things very well.

In addition there has been other pain. Doctor's appointments. Tests.

I have a lot to be grateful for. A lot of good moments. I've got good people in my life.

I've also got some things I need to work on: acceptance, patience, and not pushing my body's limits.

Time. I keep saying I need time. I just wish there was a way to not need time to get through it all.

But I'm here. My arm still isn't perfect, so I need to continue to take it easy.

A Favor

Hello my dear blog readers.

Today I'm stopping by to ask you all for a quick favor. A friend of mine is doing a survey about the impact blogs can have. If you could please take a few moments of your time to take it, that would be lovely.

On the question that asks what blog you read, just click my name Brandie (and click any other blogs you read as well!)

The survey should take about 5 minutes and I know Rebecca (and I) would appreciate it if you took it!

Thanks so much.


*****

On a completely unrelated note, I posted at Journey of 1000 Books last week. I've got a list of books to review and I think I will put most of them up over there. I'll still put the occasional one over here, but I'm going to try to revitalize the blog over there! 

A New Direction

That's a real cutie, right? 

March, if you couldn't tell from my posts this month already, has been a difficult month for me for a variety of reasons. None of which were bad, it's just been a tough month.

A lot has been going on: the weather was awful, it's been busy in general, there were some medical issues to deal with, and my chronic fatigue has hit me hard. And oh, did I mention the weather was awful? Because it was.

baby chicks! 

There has been a lot of things that have just emotionally drained me.

So, with that, I've decided to take a new direction here on the blog.

I'm going to start posting pictures of cute cats. And our cute guinea pig. And our cute chickens. If I'm out and about and see a cute animal, I'll take pictures and share that too.

I'd like to see this blog become cute animals. All. The. Time!

Journey of 1000 Stitches will be transformed into Journey of 1000 Cute Animals.

I hope you will enjoy looking at all these sweet pictures as much as I do, and that you'll hang around with me as the blog goes through it's transformation!

And if you have any cute pictures to share, let me know!

Xoxo,
Brandie






P.S. Happy April Fool's Day ... while I'm not opposed to sharing cute animals with you, the blog really isn't changing =)

CureDiva

For the past few weeks, I've been sharing a post or two over at the CureDiva blog.

It's been an honor to have posts over there, and so far, I had been sharing old posts from this blog over there ... rerunning them if you will, for an audience primarily focused on breast cancer.

Today, however, I have two posts that I wrote specifically for CureDiva.

One is a letter to my body. I hope I can listen to my own advice. The last week around here has been a struggle with migraines, stomach issues, and chronic fatigue. I'm tired. And I need some rest.

The second, is a follow-up to what I shared here last summer about getting some more DNA testing to see if there was a genetic component to my cancer. I got the results on time, but wasn't ready to share them. Now I am.

Hope you'll hop on over to read my posts, as well as what the other fabulous writers are sharing!

xoxo,
Brandie

Well, not *everything*

More than once I've heard from people that I share everything on-line.

The truth is, while I do share a fair amount, I don't share everything. In fact, there is a lot that I don't share.

Obviously, I can't tell you about all the things I don't share, otherwise, I'd be sharing them (yeah, I know how that works!)

Sometimes it's easy to know what I'm okay with sharing and not sharing (topic a: never, topic b: always) but other times it's hard to know where that line is. The line may change on a daily basis and sometimes the line is fuzzy. This can make it tricky.

There are certain topics that are absolutely, with-out-a-doubt off-limits for this blog. These are things that I wouldn't share with you even if we were face-to-face. Yes, I've got my secrets and I've got skeletons in the closet. These are often topics that even I'm not comfortable with. Things I'm still trying to figure out, or process, or deal with (or avoid dealing with as the case may be). These are things that I don't think could add to what I've already built on this website.

Could that change someday? I suppose so. It's highly unlikely.

I also don't share stories about my family and friends without their permission. I don't tell the stories I feel that belong to my husband or children without asking them first. And if they say no? I respect that. I'm sure you may have noticed that I often talk about my 12 year old around these parts ... it's because she always says "Yes! You can blog that." The other children will almost always say "no, please don't share that." and so I don't. Same with my husband. To me, it's a level or respect. I wouldn't want them putting stories I am uncomfortable with on-line either.

I will share generalities if I think I can offer a learning moment, or the moment affected me (positively or negatively). And I will talk about encounters with near strangers (like, when I was bald from chemo and people stared - I wrote about that but didn't single anyone out). I have written about words spoken that were hurtful, or hard to hear, or I wish would be re-framed, if I think it can help someone, but I would never say who said it. You'll never see me say on here "Well one day my Aunt Sally said the most awful thing to me ever!" (no, I don't really have an Aunt Sally) because a) it is not my intent on this blog to shame people or b) parent others. If I share it's because I want people to see things through my eyes, how some words can make me feel.

I do talk about my cancer a lot. I try to throw in some things about parenting with cancer as well in a way that my children are comfortable with. When I was diagnosed there wasn't much out there to help guide me on how to help my children through this, or how to juggle it all. I hope that the couple of posts I've written might someday help someone else out when they are looking for help or advice or ideas.

I try to not rant on this blog. Sometimes I do though.

I try to add a good mix of heavy with light-hearted content. This blog did start, after all, as mostly a craft blog. And I don't want to lose that side of me. It's not my intent to be a cancer blog - not because there is anything wrong with that - it's just not where I want to be personally. I read many of them. There are so many talented bloggers out there whose blogs are amazing and have great content and are cancer blogs. It is just not my preferred niche.

In fact, I don't really think I have a niche. While it started out as a niche for sharing my knitting, this blog has grown and stretched and changed as I have needed it to. I write about parenting, cancer, knitting, sewing, what I've read, the weather, things I watch on tv, places I've visited, etc, etc. I love having the ability to come here and blog about whatever is on my mind.

And at the end of the day, that's what I need this blog to be: a place for me. If I can't be comfortable here, then there is no point in continuing on. Somethings I will hold near and dear to my heart always, some I will always be willing to share, some things depend on how the others around me are feeling, and what is okay and good to share one day, might give me anxiety to share the next.

So even though it sometimes feels like I'm sharing EVERYTHING here, I'm actually not. I'm sharing exactly what I'm comfortable with. It might be more than other people would want to share and it might be less than what some others are comfortable with. But it is right for me!


P.S. As a side note: Have you ever thought about starting a blog but aren't sure? Rebecca J. Hogue, PhD(ABD) (who I met on twitter) is starting a class called Should I Blog. The first one is starting this month. It's aimed about blogging about your cancer experience, and I think it will be a good class. One of the class topics inspired this post, and I'm looking forward to seeing how the class goes! You should join if you're wondering if blogging is the right move for you!

2015 Goals: February Update

Since it's the last day of the month, that means that it's time to go over the goals I've set for myself this year!

This is really more for me than for you. It's a great way to help keep me on track and good motivation to get things done!

1. Make a granny square every weekday of 2015: Still going. The pile of squares is getting bigger and bigger!

2. Read 40 books, with 30 of them being from the Rory Gilmore Reading List: Four books this month, and three were off of the RGRL. That puts me at 10 books with 6 of them from RGRL!

3. Organize three years worth of digital pictures: Yep, still working on the pictures. It's been fun to look back and see them. I got through 4 months of picture, which is good, because some of the months coming up have a LOT of pictures in them

5. Finish a train embroidery project: Still chugging a long on this one! I stitch and stitch and I only get small sections done at a time, but I'm working on it!

6. Make money from my knitting: Not this month, but I have finished a LOT of projects on my to do list, and once those are done, I'm hoping to get some jobs!

7. On the blogging side of things, it's to blog twice a week: Still not doing two a week on a regular basis! But I think there less days between posts and I'm posting more regularly than last year, so forward progress? Also, I have 17 posts in 8 weeks. So technically I'm averaging twice a week, even if I'm not actually posting twice a week, so that still counts, right?

8. Also related to blogging, I need to be a better commenter on other blogs: Yep, still doing a good job on this!

Overall, I'm pleased with what I'm doing. In addition to this, I've been doing a much better job of not letting laundry pile up, and I've got a pretty good schedule with the cleaning down. I've also worked on organizing the kitchen and feel like it's in pretty good shape. Which is good. I've never been so organized in my life. I still don't have the energy to accomplish a million things each day, but it's amazing how much I can get done just by doing 3-5 things each day!

How about you? Still going with your 2015 goals and resolutions?

2015 Goals: January Update

So I set some goals for 2015, and I thought, more to help keep me on track than anything else, I would post a monthly update to see where things stand. Since it's the last day of the month, it seems like a good time to see how it's going, so here we go!

1. Make a granny square every weekday of 2015: So far, so good! I've managed to make one each day. One day it was made minutes before midnight, but done, so it counts!

2. Read 40 books, with 30 of them being from the Rory Gilmore Reading List: I've read 6 books already total and 3 from the RGRL, so I think that's a pretty good pace!

3. Organize three years worth of digital pictures: I've been through three months this month. I figure if I can do 3 months of pictures each month this year, I'll get my three years of pictures done! I started with September 2006, so we'll see where I end!

4. Organize scrapbooking items/keepsakes: Done and done! Everything is done already. I thought it would take more time, but once I jumped in, I just kept going. Plus everything was all spread out and a big mess. Since I finished that, I went ahead and worked on organizing some other areas too and it's gorgeous and I love it and I hope we can keep it that way!

5. Finish a train embroidery project: I've spent quite some time stitching. I can tell that work has been done ... however, there's still so much to do. I will keep pushing though!

6. Make money from my knitting: I have one crochet "job" that I won't finish for a while, but it can count, right? And here's to hoping it opens some more doors?

7. On the blogging side of things, it's to blog twice a week: Nope, right now I'm averaging once a week. But I figure that's okay. At the end of the year, I hope the average will be twice a week!

8. Also related to blogging, I need to be a better commenter on other blogs: Yep, I've upped the comments I'm leaving and it feels good to do so!


Overall, things are going well. I'd like to blog more, but, also given my progress on the other goals (with one already done!) I'm not going to sweat it for now.

In general I'm also trying to stay on top of chores and just being more organized in general. This does not come naturally to me, so it's not always easy! I'm trying though. And really that's all I can do! And I've finally found a system that is helping me more than any other thing I've tried has helped. I've been using it for a few months now, so it's well tested.

Of course, I need to blog about that, and the books I've read, and share pictures of my granny-square-a-weekday, and of my embroidery. Wait, why aren't I blogging twice a week? I've got a lot to catch up on! 

2015 Goals

In years past I've set resolutions.

I've picked words to guide my year.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Because sometimes I'm more motivated and sometimes I'm not. And sometimes things happen that change plans.

And yet, this year, I'm ready to go again. So I've set a few goals for the year. We'll see how it goes. I want these goals to be fun, help me grow, etc. So if they become a burden, then I shall re-evaluate.

1. Make a granny square every weekday of 2015 - yes, I said every weekday. The weekend will be a break or a time to catch up should I need it.

2. Read 40 books, with 30 of them being from the Rory Gilmore Reading List

3. Organize three years worth of digital pictures - bonus if I can get through more, but I'll be happy with just three years. Basically this means I delete the bad ones, tag faces, tag locations and leave any stories behind the picture if it needs to be

4. Organize scrapbooking items/keepsakes - I have boxes of scrapbooking things and of keepsakes. I need to get things organized and in proper boxes. I also need to weed through things and probably get rid of things. When we moved, this part of looking through things was just too daunting, so all of these boxes were just stacked and moved. It's time to delve in. Since there is no move this upcoming year and a lot of other things were done before the move, I should be able to focus on this.

5. Finish a train embroidery project - I've been working on this for too long. It's time to finish! Of course, once it's finished, I have other projects waiting in the wings ready to be worked on too. But, for now, I'll focus on this one and call it a day.

6. Make money from my knitting - I don't know how this will work or if it will. But I'd love to bring in an income, even a tiny one. And I love to knit so it seems like a good fit? We'll see.

7. On the blogging side of things, it's to blog twice a week. I feel like that should be doable, though I don't always average that. Though I want to make sure I'm not blogging nothing just to get a post up.

8. Also related to blogging, I need to be a better commenter on other blogs. I love getting comments. I assume others do as well. So I shall try to spread the love better and make sure I'm not just writing here, but reading other blogs as well.

8 goals. It may not seem like much, but there it is! I'm ready to go and tackle things. I've got quite a few plans in place to get things done. I've got the month of January done in my bullet journal and most of February done as well. Many of these goals are in the book already - nothing will get done in month one, but I should make some good progress in January. And hopefully in December I can come back to this list and say yep, finished that; yep, finished that; oh, cross that one off too!

What about you? Have you set any goals or resolutions or picked a word (or a few) to help guide your 2015? Share! 

2014 Rewind

Just for fun, I thought I'd rewind my year and link to one blog post from each month of the past year!

While I'm looking forward to 2015 and have set some goals for the year, I wanted to take a few moments to remember last year too!

January
January last year left me with the winter blues for sure - and it was a cold, long, awful, terrible winter last year and it just wore on me.
January was also when I had my nipples surgically put on. Not a long procedure and less painful than I expected.
But the highlight was definitely going to see Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me downtown with the husband!
So Date Night Adventures is my January blog pick!

February
So February was the continuation of an awful winter season. It included a lot of knitting and crocheting with a bit of reading thrown in on the side. I also had some fun working out at a local gym.
But the big February event was going downtown with my daughter to see Phantom of the Opera on stage. It was ah-mazing.

March
March was a big month on the blog! That was the month I announced that we were moving ... even though the husband and I had been talking about it since the previous fall, March was the month that everything with the move became real. Things were crazy as we had begun packing and fixing things up.
March is also the month that I kept reading about how too many breast cancer patients were making the wrong treatment decisions, so I penned the post You're Doing Cancer Right, because I believe that you are.

April
April was the month our house went on the market. I also did a knit-a-thon to help raise funds for my Avon 2 Day Walk and raised a bit of money and got to give quite a few washcloths away. I was feeling a bit stressed with the house and it had been a long year so far for me.
Which was great when husband surprised us with a trip to Universal Studios in Florida and then to Washington D.C. We had a fabulous time and ended up selling our house while we were out of town. It was a very good thing!

May
May I celebrated another birthday. Things were crazy. Husband moved to the new house at the end of April and in May the rest of moved over. It was a time of packing, moving things to and fro, getting everything in tip-top shape in both houses. There wasn't a lot of time to blog, but I did a lovely write up of our time at the World War II Memorial from the month before as it was a special part of our trip for me.

June
The lazy days of summer had summer. But they weren't lazy. There was softball, getting settled still, camps, I was back in occupational therapy. I spent a lot of time in my car that month and didn't have a lot of time for much us. I knit when I could and squeezed in some pre-bedtime reading.
June was also the month I participated in my third, and last for a while, Avon Walk, and it was a wonderful experience.

July
July was a month of more softball, therapy, and driving everywhere. I also felt totally exhausted and worn out. I survived though with the help of some naps and good support.
July was also the month I wrote a letter to a walker I met along the way at the Avon walk who said something that was kind of hurtful, though I assume she didn't mean it.

August
August was a busy month around here. On the blog I participated in a writing tour that was so fun nad gave me a chance to introduce you to a couple of bloggers and maybe see a bit more about my writing process. In August, Miss 12 and I went to the state fair as she was sent with a 4H project she made. August was also when I was struggling to get more organized, and not doing so well LOL! We also had a family trip to Arlington Park and had a great time.
August was also when I wrote a note in which I declared I'm Just a Person after reading an article where another celebrity made it seem like going through breast cancer made us all amazing people who could do things never before possible and blah, blah, blah.

September
September was a month in which I felt, well, basically awful for most of it. But I also went out to New Hampshire with the two younger kids and celebrated my middle child turning 12! I also had a few sentences in a Glamour article about young breast cancer patients and their decision to, or not to, get a double mastectomy.

October
October was a busy month. The husband was working a seasonal second job. Everyone was tired. But we had a great Halloween and my oldest turned 15. Which still blows me a way because I swear she was just born yesterday. The boy and I also did some exploring of a local nature park and I marveled at how much he is growing up too.

November
November was a hugely busy month on the blog as I participated in NaBloPoMo and blogged every single day in the month. I posted pics from the vacation in September. The family and I went to ChiTAG, again. And loved it, again. Thanksgiving happened. I did a lot of knitting and sent a lot of fun packages to people. I ranted against celebrities saying what I feel are ridiculous things about breast cancer. I also had some cancer recall thanks to a book I was reading and a tv show I was watching.

December
I spent a lot of time knitting my sweater for Save the Children. My baby turned 9, which was emotional for me. Christmas happened - decorations were put up, house was cleaned,and Christmas Eve was hosted here. Lots of time with family and parties to go to. Ringing in the new year. And I compared the holidays before cancer and now. I also wrote a letter, in general, for those going through hard times.

Phew. There's my 2014! Can't wait to see what 2015 brings!

Why Do I Do This?

Every once in a while, I'm asked why I blog.

Sometimes, I wonder why I blog.

I don't consider myself a writer. And not because I don't have a book published - there are many ways to be a writer. I just don't see myself as one.

I suppose some would consider this not good, some would consider it good. I feel ambivalent about it. I don't identify as a writer. That's okay.

And yet. I come here. And I write.

I come here and write for many reasons.

I started my first blog almost 12 years ago. It was hosted by AOL. I had just read about these blog things in a magazine, and had suggested to some people I was in a parenting group with that we all do it for a week to see how different people parent. I figured it had to only be a good thing, right?

It was. And I got hooked. Finally, something to make me feel like more than a young mom to 2 girls. And I had just graduated from college and was home full time with my kids. Permanently. And that was kind of scary. I felt lost and unsure and was positive that I was screwing up Every. Single. Day.

It was good, but then I decided that I didn't want to talk so much about kids and I started to primarily share crafts I was making. There was a lot less writing, and more record-keeping. Not in a bad sense, but as a way to keep track of everything I was making - since so much of it gets given away, it was nice to have a permanent reminder of it.

That was good, but it didn't feel like enough. So after some time, I started a new blog, that I didn't tell anyone about. I can't remember where I hosted it, but it was a free site. I did it anonymously. And I wrote about a lot things going on that I didn't necessarily want my friends and family to read. I was going through a lot of emotional things - which I know is so vague and an awful way to describe it - but there it is.

I also, around that time, learned that I suffered from anxiety and social anxiety and had started seeing a therapist to work through all of this. It was great to finally know what was going on, but it brought up a lot of feelings and things I needed to work through, and an anonymous blog seemed like just the place.

Somewhere in all of this, I realized AOL was not maybe the best place to host my craft blog (which was called This and That) and I moved everything over to blogger at the end of 2004. I renamed the blog Cute and Crafty and kept primarily sharing things I had made, was working on, etc.

I kept the anonymous blog going - I had created some good blogging relationships and had a good group of regular readers who were able to be of a lot of support to me.

As things got better, I started writing less in the second blog. And I sort of just let the blog drift away. The site that was hosting it went away. So that blog is gone. I have nothing from it, which might just be better anyway honestly. It served it's purpose - it was healing for me, it was an outlet. It gave me a place to talk about things without feeling anyone's judgement (well, okay, some of my posts got some negative feedback, but it wasn't my friends or family - remember - they didn't know about it!)

I started to focus more on the Cute and Crafty blog. And realized it needed to be renamed. In 2006 the name A Journey of 1000 Stitches was born. I had already started to blog about more than crafts - mainly when I became pregnant with my 3rd child in 2005 and it was a long, tough pregnancy in which I was so sick so much of the time.

I just kept writing. And sharing.

I joke that it's me and my ones and ones of readers.

And that's okay.

I don't expect to ever have a HUGE blog. I'm not saying I wouldn't love to, but that's not the path I'm on.

But I like what I've created here. I like that I can come here and talk about knitting, cancer, parenting, what I'm watching on TV, or just share a random thought.

This is my corner of the world. And I love it.

Mostly.

I won't lie, there are moments where I think I need to fold up, walk away, and just it go. Often this happens during a period where I haven't posted much. When a lot of things are going on, coming here to write can seem like another thing to do on the to do list.

The thing is though, often when those moments come - and it's not all the time - that's when I get a comment that just touches my heart so deeply. Someone who writes to me to tell me that I've written something that just moved them, or made them remember a great memory, or let them know that they are not alone, or whatever. Or I'll share something that several friends on facebook will share and have some really nice things to say.

It feels really good. I'm not going to lie.

I put these words out there - and it's pretty much always for me. I write here for me.

But what keeps me journaling publicly is when others reach out and tell me it means something to them too.

There is nothing quite like that feeling.

To think that my words can touch someone. I mean, that is amazing!

Especially since I don't consider myself a writer.

Me, little old me, can touch someone else. Can every once-in-a-while get such lovely feedback from someone - remarks that often make me cry.

It feels really nice.

I try to write from my heart - whether it's silly or serious. First and foremost, I write for me. But if what I write for me can somehow reach someone else and touch them, that's just amazing. It still blows me away.

And so I continue to write. I can't imagine anytime soon, that I will stop writing. This blog, for me, is a huge blessing. I'm glad I started one. I'm glad I didn't stop. Even when I think I might want to, I don't think I ever do.

This is my corner. It's comfortable. And I love it. And I'm so grateful to anyone else who enjoys dropping by from time to time too!

Random Facts About Me

Today my head is swimming and I'm having a hard time grasping any specific thoughts. So I'm going to give you random ones. (And yes, I'm still struggling with pain).

Middle child at the sky deck!

1. I'm afra

id of heights. I don't like them. I took the kids to the top of the Sears Tower (that yes, is technically now names the Willis Tower but not in my mind) and it was terrifying to step out into the glass and look down. I was freaking out.

2. However, I went out on the bridge at the Grand Canyon and just felt peace. I think it's because there were no little people or cars down below me so I wasn't quite sure how high we were. And the Grand Canyon is HUGE and that look down felt not so big comparatively. Also, it's gorgeous there and I think I was so in awe of it that I just forgot I was up so high.

3. When I was in 7th grade, during social studies (maybe it was geography) I accidentally tipped my whole desk over. I was reaching for a pencil and I thought I could reach it. Turns out that I couldn't. And the desk just went over. I was thinking about it because I fell on my right arm/shoulder and it hurt so much. I was just trying to not cry because everyone was looking at me. That tends to be the reaction when a desk tips over. Not my finest moment.

Me at Grand Canyon

4. That same year, I got something stuck in my eye. I could barely see my eye was in so much pain. I had to leave the class during language arts to go to the nurse. The nurse couldn't get it out, even with an eye wash. So she patched my eye and sent me back to class to get my thing while we waited for my mom to come pick me up. I also felt humiliated.

5. I think I feel humiliated and embarrassed a lot. Probably a lot more than I need to, and yet, I am kind of klutzy and have a tendency to say things that I shouldn't. And so I end up feeling embarrassed and humiliated. When this happens (or I just perceive it happening) I turn bright red in my face. Like bright red. Like I'd rather the Earth opened up and swallowed me than have everyone watch as my face turns into a lobster.

6. My name is actually and really Brandie. And no I don't know why. And no, it's not short for anything. And yes, it's actually spelled with an ie on my birth certificate.

7. I like even numbers. Or multiples of five. Odd numbers (that aren't a 5) bother me. I will also not read the last e-mail that arrives in my inbox if it means that I will have an odd number of unread e-mails. No, I don't get it either. But there it is.

My Mrs. Claus Apron

8. I love aprons. Just love them. I could have 100 and it wouldn't seem like enough. I didn't know this until a few years ago, but I really, really love aprons. I even have a category on this blog for aprons. I don't know how many posts are there, but I wanted to make sure they were grouped together LOL!

9. I am currently going through all our digital pictures - deleting bad ones/multiples of the same thing, removing red eye, organizing them, tagging them, etc. At the rate I'm going, if I never take another picture, I'll be finished in about 5 years. It is a daunting task. But I work on it for 30-60 once or twice a week because it's enough to get something done while keeping it from being overwhelming.

10. Because of my shoulder and pain and treating it, I've spent a lot of time this week watching the show Brothers & Sisters. And I'm in love. I'm at the start of season 2. And I am enjoying it a lot!

November 4

Hello all.

Greetings from my bed.

Yep, I'm still having shoulder pain. And arm and hand pain.

Because it just wouldn't be a normal week around here without me having some complication.

Sigh.

Some NaBloMoPo this is shaping up to be.

Now pardon me while I sign off so I can lay some more, watch some Netflix, and hopefully fall asleep soon!