Friday, May 03, 2019

Not hiding anymore

So. I've had a few thoughts.
1. Come back and delete my last post
2. Never come back again and just leave it there.
3. Delete it and then never come back to this blog.

But, here I am. Writing again. With the last post still up.

It helps that google tells me 20 people came to the post, which I figure means 1 person maybe read more than 2 sentences. So, still feeling pretty safe.

But, it's there. And I'm leaving it.

I suppose for the one person who reads more than the first two sentences, I should maybe explain a bit about where all of this is coming from. Because this year has been such a year of change - and if I listed it all out, it would probably cause me an anxiety attack.

That said, I'll start with this. In the fall, we lost granny. And my heart still aches because of it. I still feel lost. I still miss her. I still sometimes wake up and start to get things ready for her. When I'm out, I still have moments when I can't wait to get home to tell her about them.

The grief at times feels overwhelming. The ache of missing her feel overwhelming. I'm not alone in this, I know. And yet, at times I feel so alienated and alone. I don't why other than to say that sometimes my brain is a big jerk and lies to me. And even though I know this, I sometimes don't believe it and believe my jerky brain.

Anyway, I'm going to try to not hide anymore. So hopefully, you'll see me back here soon.

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