Thursday, April 16, 2015

Because life is too short

Life is too short.

I say this a lot. Because mostly, I think it's true: life is too short. None of us can live forever. And when we are surrounded by loved ones, family, and friends, life is always going to be too short. Is 100 years enough time with those you love? I say no. And yet, if I get 100 years, I'll be feeling pretty blessed.

March, as I've said was a rough month.

There was a lot going on here at home. At the start of the month, my time was split between taking care of my kids and granny. There wasn't enough time to do everything and so many balls got dropped. There was no time to take care of my husband (not that he needs to be taken care of, just not enough time to spend with him). And there certainly was no time to take care of myself. A shower, a change of clothes, and food on a mostly regular basis were about all I could do.

And then Lisa passed away. Not that long after Ginnie passed away. And during all of that a friend had to pull out of a cancer trial she was in because it stopped working.

I was an exhausted, emotional wreck at that point.

As I often did, I checked the camera I had been saving up to buy. I liked to watch the price just in case. It paid off. The camera was on-sale.

I went to my envelope (yes, I stuck money in an envelope as I got it) and I counted: 15 months of saving and I had enough to buy it at the sale price.

I thought about it. I thought some more. I hemmed and hawed. And in the middle of sitting at respite care with granny, I decided it was time to buy my new camera. You know why? Because life's too short.

It was still hard for me to decide to buy it - it was a lot of money. Even though I had saved, picked up extra jobs to help save for it, it was definitely a big splurge. There were plenty of other things to do with that money: summer wardrobes for the kids, music lessons for the kids, landscaping in our yard, put in savings towards a new vehicle. I mean, I could go on and on with all the things we could have done with that money.

But life is just too damn short. I saved, and I worked. The kids knew I was saving. They knew I wanted this camera. And there has to be a lesson in there for them, right? I wanted something nice for myself that I didn't need. So I worked and I saved. And I watched the price on it. And I researched and researched. And when I had enough, I bought it.

There's a small part of me that still feels guilty, but mostly I'm very happy. I love my new camera. I pretty much take it with me everywhere. No really, I do. Ask my family and they'll you. I take it with even when they say things like "Really, you're bringing your camera with for this?"

Oh yes, I'm bring my camera as we walk around the block - you just never know what you'll see.

I know I'm not a professional photographer. This isn't a potential career for me. It's a hobby. It's something to do for fun because I enjoy it. And I couldn't be happier.

I'm not saying I'm going to spend us into high amounts of debt and make huge purchases all the time. I'm rarely make purchases this large (the last one was the serger sewing machine I bought myself after working a part-time job and saving like 6 years ago). But every once in a while, I give myself permission to splurge. Because life is just too short. 

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