Why Do I Do This?

Every once in a while, I'm asked why I blog.

Sometimes, I wonder why I blog.

I don't consider myself a writer. And not because I don't have a book published - there are many ways to be a writer. I just don't see myself as one.

I suppose some would consider this not good, some would consider it good. I feel ambivalent about it. I don't identify as a writer. That's okay.

And yet. I come here. And I write.

I come here and write for many reasons.

I started my first blog almost 12 years ago. It was hosted by AOL. I had just read about these blog things in a magazine, and had suggested to some people I was in a parenting group with that we all do it for a week to see how different people parent. I figured it had to only be a good thing, right?

It was. And I got hooked. Finally, something to make me feel like more than a young mom to 2 girls. And I had just graduated from college and was home full time with my kids. Permanently. And that was kind of scary. I felt lost and unsure and was positive that I was screwing up Every. Single. Day.

It was good, but then I decided that I didn't want to talk so much about kids and I started to primarily share crafts I was making. There was a lot less writing, and more record-keeping. Not in a bad sense, but as a way to keep track of everything I was making - since so much of it gets given away, it was nice to have a permanent reminder of it.

That was good, but it didn't feel like enough. So after some time, I started a new blog, that I didn't tell anyone about. I can't remember where I hosted it, but it was a free site. I did it anonymously. And I wrote about a lot things going on that I didn't necessarily want my friends and family to read. I was going through a lot of emotional things - which I know is so vague and an awful way to describe it - but there it is.

I also, around that time, learned that I suffered from anxiety and social anxiety and had started seeing a therapist to work through all of this. It was great to finally know what was going on, but it brought up a lot of feelings and things I needed to work through, and an anonymous blog seemed like just the place.

Somewhere in all of this, I realized AOL was not maybe the best place to host my craft blog (which was called This and That) and I moved everything over to blogger at the end of 2004. I renamed the blog Cute and Crafty and kept primarily sharing things I had made, was working on, etc.

I kept the anonymous blog going - I had created some good blogging relationships and had a good group of regular readers who were able to be of a lot of support to me.

As things got better, I started writing less in the second blog. And I sort of just let the blog drift away. The site that was hosting it went away. So that blog is gone. I have nothing from it, which might just be better anyway honestly. It served it's purpose - it was healing for me, it was an outlet. It gave me a place to talk about things without feeling anyone's judgement (well, okay, some of my posts got some negative feedback, but it wasn't my friends or family - remember - they didn't know about it!)

I started to focus more on the Cute and Crafty blog. And realized it needed to be renamed. In 2006 the name A Journey of 1000 Stitches was born. I had already started to blog about more than crafts - mainly when I became pregnant with my 3rd child in 2005 and it was a long, tough pregnancy in which I was so sick so much of the time.

I just kept writing. And sharing.

I joke that it's me and my ones and ones of readers.

And that's okay.

I don't expect to ever have a HUGE blog. I'm not saying I wouldn't love to, but that's not the path I'm on.

But I like what I've created here. I like that I can come here and talk about knitting, cancer, parenting, what I'm watching on TV, or just share a random thought.

This is my corner of the world. And I love it.

Mostly.

I won't lie, there are moments where I think I need to fold up, walk away, and just it go. Often this happens during a period where I haven't posted much. When a lot of things are going on, coming here to write can seem like another thing to do on the to do list.

The thing is though, often when those moments come - and it's not all the time - that's when I get a comment that just touches my heart so deeply. Someone who writes to me to tell me that I've written something that just moved them, or made them remember a great memory, or let them know that they are not alone, or whatever. Or I'll share something that several friends on facebook will share and have some really nice things to say.

It feels really good. I'm not going to lie.

I put these words out there - and it's pretty much always for me. I write here for me.

But what keeps me journaling publicly is when others reach out and tell me it means something to them too.

There is nothing quite like that feeling.

To think that my words can touch someone. I mean, that is amazing!

Especially since I don't consider myself a writer.

Me, little old me, can touch someone else. Can every once-in-a-while get such lovely feedback from someone - remarks that often make me cry.

It feels really nice.

I try to write from my heart - whether it's silly or serious. First and foremost, I write for me. But if what I write for me can somehow reach someone else and touch them, that's just amazing. It still blows me away.

And so I continue to write. I can't imagine anytime soon, that I will stop writing. This blog, for me, is a huge blessing. I'm glad I started one. I'm glad I didn't stop. Even when I think I might want to, I don't think I ever do.

This is my corner. It's comfortable. And I love it. And I'm so grateful to anyone else who enjoys dropping by from time to time too!