Or maybe it's just the elephant in my mind, either way, I need to get this out.
Sometimes you might ask me a question and I seem hesitant to answer or like I just don't want to tell you. The thing is, it's not you - I promise. But, well, here - lean in a bit - it's just that this cancer is well, um, ::lowers voice to a whisper:: it's in my breast!
I know, I know. You're thinking something along the lines of "Duh. That's why it's called breast cancer you genius."
You may be also thinking something like we are not 10 year old children learning about puberty for the first time too. And yet, some days, I kind of feel that way. Because, lately, I've been talking a lot about my breasts - or as my 8 year old like to say (over and over by the way) my boobs. And sometimes it can feel a bit awkward for me.
I'm sure it's all in my head but I can't help but thinking there are a lot of people thinking about my boobs out there. Okay, you are all probably really thinking about me and how I'm doing. But in my head you are thinking about my boobs. And I can't help but wish I had gotten, oh, I don't know - thumb cancer. Or big toe cancer. Because it just feels less awkward that way.
But alas, here we are. I have breast cancer. And so my breasts we might talk about occasionally. But sometimes, when I turn into that 10 year old who is still giggling in embarrassment over learning the correct names of body parts I might hold back or seem hesitant or whatever. But don't worry - it's not you. It's me. I suppose at the heart of it, it's still me coming to terms with what is happening within my own body - and more specifically what is going on inside my breasts.
Somehow, that's something I never thought about - that the knowledge of someone's breast cancer would necessarily mean that people were thinking about that person's breasts - and that knowing other people thought about her breasts, could actually cause some 'discomfort' to the person whose breasts were being thought about.
ReplyDeleteWhew.
Given that I'm a person who normally entertains himself with thoughts of 'boobs' of various and sundry dimensions/people/etc., I can personally attest to the fact that when the big "C" is involved, thoughts turn from entertainment to concern and care.
Really. :)
Well, I WAS going to be all sentimental and helpful like Lou, but then he went and said "breasts" about 40 times and now? Now I'm thinking about your breasts. I am. I'm not interested in girls, but you know, if I were? You'd be top of my list, Brandie.
ReplyDeleteI KNOW you are bright red, aren't you? My favorite thing about you is how you blush; NOT the size of your mammary glands.
I guess a man would feel weird talking about penis or prostate cancer, wouldn't he? If it makes you feel better, we can talk about MY boobs too! Seriously. They're not nearly as entertaining as yours are, but I will do it because I love you.
Ahem. My BREASTS are feeling a little low today. I need to put on a bra.
Ba dum bum!
You guys are cracking me up over here =) Perfect! =)
ReplyDeletealright, so here i go. ready?
ReplyDeletei had breast reduction surgery 5 years ago.
when people would think of me, i found out later was.....my boobs. my giant boobs.
then after surgery, people wanted to see them. for reals.
hel.lo?
i'm not thinking too much about your boobies. i am thinking a little about them.....but mostly, i'm thinking about you. i'm thinking about how you are thinking about them. does that make sense?
i adore your honesty. xo
I was ONLY thinking about you, but now I'm totally thinking about your breasts. Like all the time. :)
ReplyDeletexoxoKate
Well I simply can't top Tracey's comment, so I won't try. But will simply say that whether what you feel is accurate or not (while I don't think most of us ARE really think about your boobs but your HEALTH) it IS how you feel. No one can take that from you, that can't be wrong. YOu feel how you feel, and this is about you. So share what you want to share. Do what YOU need
ReplyDeleteI don't know LceeL but I absolutely love his comment - and that it was from a guy, too - made it even better.
ReplyDeleteWhen I read your post, Brandie, as you were talking about puberty, boobs, and so on, I couldn't help but think of the utter shock when I first got pregnant - - - that everyone who saw me would know that I had had S.E.X. haha - and now I'm mother of seven and what are they thinking?
My mind doesn't often think of breasts in the breast cancer equation- it goes to the anger I feel about the disease. It's that C word, not breast, not lung, not prostate, not bladder. Let's just get rid of that nasty C word once and for all.
Oh sweetie. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteYour post and the comments here show what a wonderful spirit you have. And yes honey... I am totally thinking about your boobs! But in only the most loving, caring way possible.
Big huge (((HUGS))). CANCER SUCKS!!!
Can I just say how much I love that LOU was the first to comment? And I loved his comment, and Tracey's comment, and...
ReplyDeleteI have not been thinking about your boobs. Honest. Just hoping you're coping as best as you can with the situation you've been given, and that this is just a medium-sized blip that will go away soon. :)
I know it's wrong, but ... I gotta giggle. I so get it, but I promise, I'm thinking about *YOU* Brandie, the person. Definitely not focused on your breasts. Lots of thoughts and prayers still heading your way - you know you're loved :)
ReplyDeleteDeborah - that totally makes sense. And I'm dying about thinking about your giant boobs LOL!
ReplyDeleteKate - so glad I could give you that path to travel down ROFL!
Lisa & Julie Anne - Yes Lou and Tracey did have great comments - totally made me smile! And I promise I'm only sharing what feels okay ;-)
And JulieAnne - totally get that people knew you had sex thing - I felt that way too ROFL!
Kris & Melisa - Thank you so much =)
And Michelle - I'm glad you giggled! I was hoping people would. I mean it is serious and all that, but I gotta have some giggles in all of this too! =)
We just had the Komen Race for the Cure here and it made me think of you. Definitely wasn't thinking about your boobs at the time, but there was a racing team that wore shirts which read "To Keep the Girls Where They Belong." It made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Brandie.
ReplyDeleteIt is not just the elephant in the room, because it goes beyond the breasts. I think about the cells and how the invading cells are not intended to be there. The issues of physical, spiritual, and emotional are also part of this process. I know that He that knit you from your mother’s womb knows every issue that you are facing. As of now, it is in the skilled doctors hands, but I believe He who created can intervene; a glorious intersection of the supernatural with the natural. If that does not occur, we can be thankful for the training, care, and precision of the medical profession.
Love, Uncle Mark
Brandie, even in these moments you find "humor". Your imagination goes wild - and that's good, a great way to deal with what you're dealing now.
ReplyDeleteI think about you and you alone -- you as the thoughtful, generous and happy person I've known.
I am totally flat chested and I sometimes wonder if some people talk about them, too!
Love you, my dear!
I have been thinking about this post all week. Just wanted to let you know I'm praying & believing and
ReplyDeleteLove that you are able to speak so easy about all of this. You are precious.
Steph