Or maybe it's just the elephant in my mind, either way, I need to get this out.
Sometimes you might ask me a question and I seem hesitant to answer or like I just don't want to tell you. The thing is, it's not you - I promise. But, well, here - lean in a bit - it's just that this cancer is well, um, ::lowers voice to a whisper:: it's in my breast!
I know, I know. You're thinking something along the lines of "Duh. That's why it's called breast cancer you genius."
You may be also thinking something like we are not 10 year old children learning about puberty for the first time too. And yet, some days, I kind of feel that way. Because, lately, I've been talking a lot about my breasts - or as my 8 year old like to say (over and over by the way) my boobs. And sometimes it can feel a bit awkward for me.
I'm sure it's all in my head but I can't help but thinking there are a lot of people thinking about my boobs out there. Okay, you are all probably really thinking about me and how I'm doing. But in my head you are thinking about my boobs. And I can't help but wish I had gotten, oh, I don't know - thumb cancer. Or big toe cancer. Because it just feels less awkward that way.
But alas, here we are. I have breast cancer. And so my breasts we might talk about occasionally. But sometimes, when I turn into that 10 year old who is still giggling in embarrassment over learning the correct names of body parts I might hold back or seem hesitant or whatever. But don't worry - it's not you. It's me. I suppose at the heart of it, it's still me coming to terms with what is happening within my own body - and more specifically what is going on inside my breasts.