Saturday, June 25, 2011

The good, the bad, the ugly ...

I've been through all of it recently. I know, I know, not surprising.

I haven't talked too much about the bad days though. Mostly because when I'm having a bad day, the last thing I want to do is sit up, stare at a computer screen and type. And that's probably a good thing. Because I'm pretty sure if I did post on those days, it would leave more than a few of you worried.

But the truth is I've had some really bad days. Usually, and thankfully, not really bad days, more like moments. Moments where I'm so angry and pissed off and just can't stop thinking that it's not fair. Because the truth is, it's not fair. It's not fair for anyone to go through this. And yet here I am. Smack in the middle of going through it.

And some moments I'm just sad and weepy and I just can't stop crying.

And some moments I'm all of it wrapped up into one package: angry, sad, mad, having the why me thoughts, thinking it's not fair, and just bawling my eyes out.

I can write about it now because I've had a couple really good days. Which leaves me hopeful ... chemo will be about a week of hell, and then things get better.

Of course there will still be bad days. And there will still be moments where I just can't wrap my mind around all that is happening and stop thinking about how incredibly unfair it all feels.

I'm sharing this because I have a tendency to gloss over the bad stuff around here. I like it that way. But at the same time I'm trying to be honest about everything that is going on. Or maybe I just needed to let it out. I don't know. But there it is.


  1. I am hoping that the good days start to far out weigh the bad on this journey that you are going through. And blog all your feelings, the good, the bad, the really ugly. Cancer is ugly, and being human about it is what makes you who you are and makes the experience real for us so we can help rally your spirits through the really tough times.

  2. God Bless you Brandie, my thoughts and prayers conintue to be with you.

  3. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Sending love your way, Brandie. And you have every right to feel this is unfair--because it is. Be kind to yourself and know we are rooting for you. xo Chris, San Diego

  4. That's what a blog is for, Brandie. To vent, to brag, to cry, to share. Know that I think of you often (actually, way more often than is probably appropriate. You might want to be concerned about me...) and am always hoping for more of the good days for you guys. I'm sending you SO much love right now, that you're sure to wake up with a smile on your face...

  5. Catharsis through writing! Remember that. ;)

    I hope, too, that your good days far outweigh the bad. Scream away - we're here to listen.


Seeing your comments makes me smile! Thank you so much =)