I've been through all of it recently. I know, I know, not surprising.
I haven't talked too much about the bad days though. Mostly because when I'm having a bad day, the last thing I want to do is sit up, stare at a computer screen and type. And that's probably a good thing. Because I'm pretty sure if I did post on those days, it would leave more than a few of you worried.
But the truth is I've had some really bad days. Usually, and thankfully, not really bad days, more like moments. Moments where I'm so angry and pissed off and just can't stop thinking that it's not fair. Because the truth is, it's not fair. It's not fair for anyone to go through this. And yet here I am. Smack in the middle of going through it.
And some moments I'm just sad and weepy and I just can't stop crying.
And some moments I'm all of it wrapped up into one package: angry, sad, mad, having the why me thoughts, thinking it's not fair, and just bawling my eyes out.
I can write about it now because I've had a couple really good days. Which leaves me hopeful ... chemo will be about a week of hell, and then things get better.
Of course there will still be bad days. And there will still be moments where I just can't wrap my mind around all that is happening and stop thinking about how incredibly unfair it all feels.
I'm sharing this because I have a tendency to gloss over the bad stuff around here. I like it that way. But at the same time I'm trying to be honest about everything that is going on. Or maybe I just needed to let it out. I don't know. But there it is.