A new year ...

Well, 2011 is now behind us. I can't lie. I don't miss it one single bit. I was more than ready to begin a new year and to let 2011 be in the past.

I suppose this makes me sound a bit bitter about how the last year went. Well. I am. I feel cheated and robbed of the last 9 months. I am upset about the physical state of my body. I am angry that it feels we are in a constant 2 steps forward, 1.5 steps backwards pattern. I'm pissed I had so many side effects. I'm tired of pain. I hate how exhausted I feel so much of the time.

But I also know this is a phase - a normal one by the accounts of others who have walked this same path. And I know that eventually this will pass. That there will come a day when I can look back and not only see the forest, but the sun shining down on it. But when you are stuck deep in the forest? It's hard to see that.

I really hope that 2012 is a better year. We have some fun things planned for this upcoming year that we are all excited about. But I also know that I need some time to just heal - both physically and emotionally. And during this time of healing, I need to remember to be kind to myself. I can't do it all tomorrow. I won't heal overnight. I will go through periods of anger and sadness. And that is okay. This cancer thing was rough. And it took it's toll.

But it's a new year. And I'm ready to start afresh. And here's hoping 2012 is a fabulous year. For me, for you, for everyone!