Anxiety is a tough thing....I'm so sorry you have to deal with it. After being on the board for 6 years & reading your journal for awhile, I've never picked up that you had anxiety. You are very well-spoken and seem to get your opinion across effortlessly here online. My 6 year old has bouts of terrible anxiety, sometimes to the point of causing irritable bowel or feeling the need to throw up.Thanks for your nice words about me being well-spoken (I never feel that I am so that was especially nice to read!). And I'm sorry about your 6 year old. I see it in my 5 year old too - she's just like me. Especially in that she'll go to something a few times and then freak out and not want to return. I hate seeing my bad traits in my kids, but there it is. Right now though she is in a preschool program and for the first time ever she keeps going back. We had to miss days this week because she was sick and she was SO mad I wouldn't let her go. I can not tell you how much that excited me. But she will pretend to be sick to avoid going places or just beg to stay home and it makes me so sad because I know it comes from me (and it's probably both genetics and environment that affect her).
Do you think part of your reasons to homeschool is because you have anxiety about letting your children not be with you? Would think it's very important to keep involved with homeschooling groups so your children don't feel secluded.
I don't keep my kids home because of it. I have an entire list of reasons of why I homeschool and I assure it it's not in the top ten reasons. I'm sure it plays a part - I know I can't say honestly that it doesn't play some role. But if it were the only thing, my kids would be at school. Because, I almost feel like I have to try to make more of an effort to be social since they stay home. It is not easier on the social anxiety to keep them home.
At the same time, my kids aren't secluded either. They have friends. They attend Awana, we sometimes take them to Sunday school, we get together for playdates, they have lots of neighborhood children to romp around with (most afternoons I have at least 4 girls sitting in my tree! I actually love that the kids lately have been spending so much time at our house!), and then there are park district classes. My kids interact a lot with other kids without me needing to test my ability to be social with large groups of people. For that, I am truly grateful! If the only way my kids could interact with others would be for me to fight that feeling and get truly plugged into a group, I think I would be extremely motivated to do it for them.
As far as not wanting the children to be apart from me, well, if we had more disposable income, I'd have a sitter once a week so that I could get away for a bit and relax, clean, craft, watch movies, etc, etc! I admit when my first was a newborn I NEVER wanted to let her go anywhere and I was ultra picky about when I left her and who I left her with. But that particular paranoia of mine, yeah, I got over that! So we certainly don't keep them home because I can't bare to let them go .... there are so many other reasons. But, I won't lie, I love having them home most of the time. My kids rock and I love the time with them - but I do actually crave breaks from them ROFL! =)