School, grades, now, and the future

So, last week I did grades for Mister Man and Miss M.

Phew! I'm glad I don't have a class of 20. Or, a high school teacher juggling 180 students!

It's hard work. For the most part, the kids are doing well. And while I could brag about a lot of things, I won't. I'll just say that for the most part, homeschooling works and works well for us.

Lest you think this is a post about where I tell you how you should homeschool too or else your children will be irrevocable messed up, relax. I don't think that. I don't think homeschooling is for everyone, nor do I think not homeschooling is bad.

This fall, my oldest daughter entered high school.

It was a time of anxiety and worry and excitement and fretting and wondering about all the good things that would come her way because of this. And that was just how I was feeling.

There was a lot on my mind with her going to school. Naturally, if it went really poorly, it would have proven that I had not prepared her enough and maybe the younger two should be enrolled ASAP. And naturally, if she did well, it would mean she was a bright student who was able to transition well.

She transitioned just fine. There was nothing to worry about. So there were a few small bumps along the way, but who doesn't have a few small bumps? And it's good. She has a semester of high school under her belt. She is an eighth of a way through her high school years, and I can't foresee any issues that we might have. Of course this doesn't protect us from something happening, but so far, things are good. And I'll take that!

Of course, that leaves me at home with 2 of the kids. And most days, we get through our work, and it's going well. But they see their sister going to school and they realize that it's not so scary. Because things that are new or different can sometimes seem scary.

And now Miss M (6th grade) is talking about maybe going in for middle school. Which means in a few years, it might just be me at home with one of the kids.

Of course, even if the oldest had been homeschooled for high school, she would eventually graduate and move on in life. And the second would follow a few years later. And it would be just me at home with one of the kids.

But there is a part of me that is still sad about that thought. Of course, it will happen. And when we reach that year, I think it will be my last year of homeschooling. Which means my now 3rd grader might enter school at 6th grade. And it will be a good time for him to enter - the last year in the elementary school, time to adjust before transitioning to middle school and all that entails.

And entering at 8th grade for the middle child will be perfect for her ... she wants to just do sports teams for 7th grade and then go in full time for 8th. And it will allow her to dip her toe in the waters, meet more kids, make more friendships, and then add in the academics the next year. Which is the perfect way to do it for her.

Just as entering in 9th grade is perfect for my oldest. Because of the move, it made no sense to go in sooner since a new school district was on the horizon.

Each child, on their own path, that is so similar, and yet different in ways that make it (at this moment) perfect for him and her.

And while I know it's perfect for them. And I know it will bring them a lot of great opportunities and experiences and a good education, I'm not sure how this will all be for me.

I'm trying to not worry about it. After all, it's two, three, maybe four or more (if things change) years away. It seems silly to fret about it now. And maybe this is the perfect path for me and I just can't see it yet.

Of course, this is about so much more than me. This is about them. What is best for the oldest, for Miss M and Mister Man. That is the bigger picture. My picture is but a piece of it and I'm going to remember that the best that I can.

I'm going to be happy for them, and help them through changes and new things, I will help them when they need it and smile as they leave in the morning, even if inside I'm crying "No! Stay home with me please!"

And for now, I'm going to keep working on things at home with the 2 who are still here. And I'm going to continue to hug my oldest and tell her to have a good day at school each morning. This is our current perfect. I'm embracing the here and now and (mostly) not wanting the past or worrying about the future!