It's April ...

April.
This year April is a strange month for me. A few weeks ago I started to feel anxious about April coming. It's strange I know, but April is full of "anniversaries" for me. April 1, April 11, April 14, April 21, April 26. These dates are etched in my head.
And it's strange. And it's unnerving. And it makes me anxious.

But I have to step back and just breathe. Moments this month are going to suck. There just isn't any way around it. But I have to remind myself, everything already happened.  There will be no mammogram this year or biopsy or that call telling me I have cancer. I survived it already. I survived.

And yet, I'm human. And we are so good at linking things to dates. It's why we celebrate birthdays. And anniversaries. And it's why we like to take a moment of silence of September 11. These dates are etched in our hearts and minds. We get emotional when we think about them.

So this month? I'll be pretty emotional. Some days will be harder than others. But I'm also going to try to remember that while the memories are going to be strong in my mind, I'm really dreading something that has already happened. And that this April is really going to be quite different. And maybe along the way I'll create some new memories - ones that make me smile when I think about them.