How Has Cancer Affected Us

Today's post comes from my husband. I saved this for last for a few reasons. Mostly because he just sent it to me at the end of last week. But also, it made me cry. Not just cry, but ugly cry. And, I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep this just for me for a few days, to read it, to reread it, to love him extra and to hold his words in my heart. But he wrote this for you as much as he wrote this for me, so I won't be selfish any longer and I'll share it with you. I think, if you don't already know how awesome he is, you might after reading this.

How Has Cancer Affected Us
by Eric

Eric and I in August

Hello everyone in the digital world, it’s the DH here. Most of the time DH is used, it stands for Dear Husband. Occasionally, although my wife would never admit it, DH stands for something less glamorous. Something I always tease my wife about. Today’s blog post as you have guessed by now is from me. My credentials can be summed up pretty quickly. I’m married to Brandie. I have no blog, twitter, or social media account other than Linked-in. If I check my personal e-mail account three times in one week, it’s impressive. It’s not that I’m anti-technology, the real reason are these short 24 hour days we live with. I cannot fit anything else into my routine, and I’m not one to do something half hearted or poorly.

How has cancer affected us? It might almost be easier to talk about ways it didn’t affect us.

Cancer. Just finding a starting point is hard. Cancer is a taker. It takes an individual’s time, well-being, money, and this is a short list of the many things which come to mind. In order to combat cancer one needs to surround themselves with a support group of givers. Since my wife was diagnosed with cancer, people and organizations have given their time, meals, emotional support, and yes; money too. Within our own family we regularly give to each other. This has been important, as a family unit we’ve grown closer during this time of need. Sometimes we asked for help, many times though it was offered without any request on our part. It is truly humbling to receive this help.

Eric coaching softball

I have a typical guy trait in that I do not get very emotional. Outside of funerals, my wife has only seen me tear up a couple of times the 15 years we’ve been together. In retrospect though, we could not have made it through without the support of family, friends, church, and other groups. This thought makes me cry. I look at the growing up which our kids had to do. How many times I was forced to use the “C” word on them as reason for them to put aside being the kids that they were supposed to be and transform into an adult because the house needed to be quiet, they would be left home alone, that they couldn’t play with their friends on a nice day, or join some sport they wanted to do, etc. This thought makes me cry. I look at the love of my life and see her struggling, to this day with many things we healthy people take for granted. Knowing that even when she says everything is ok, it’s really not. This thought makes me cry.

I try not to dwell on this long. A quick thought is enough to appreciate and respect the situation. Because like a tornado that randomly strikes a town, we did not choose to let cancer in our house. This is one of those random life events, which we are fortunate enough to be counted in the survivor column and not as a casualty. So long as we are in that survivor column, there is some good to be had.

Out of this mess, we cherish things more than we did in the past. My wife takes lots of pictures. Another item I tease her on regularly. I’m glad she takes these pictures. It gives us a lot of happy moments to look back on, even if I’m not sure what we will ever do with all of them. As we go forward, I want to say that the worst is behind us. Should this not be true though, I will be there for Brandie, now and forever, as I know she will be for me. Make sure those you love and care about know this and thank you for being a friend.