Whirlwind

crocheting at the hospital to calm the nerves

I haven't been myself lately.

I'm still missing Hilarie. But aside from that, I've spent the last two weeks thinking I had cancer again.

It's exhausting to feel that weight on my shoulders. I was terrified. I kept thinking about how I was going to tell my kids, the rest of my family, my friends. I wondered what sort of treatment I'd have to endure. I fretted about whether it was a secondary cancer or a metastasis of the breast cancer.

April 1 I had an ultrasound. The tech can't say much, but she said enough that I walked out worried. Well, let's be honest, I walked in worried. We were checking a nodule on my thyroid.

A few days later, my doctor called with the results. My doctor. Called. Usually his nurse calls. The second I heard his voice on the phone, I knew we weren't just looking at little cyst that didn't need to be worried about. Nope. It was time to move to a biopsy. A freaking biopsy. That the doctor put a rush order on.

So Wednesday I went in for the biopsy. We did it through the hospital, so it wasn't my doctor who did it. That said, the doctor who did it was great. I was a basket case - anxiety so high that it was just oozing off of me. The doctor told me, though he couldn't officially say anything, that he felt it would come back benign. I walked out feeling okay.

But yesterday I had to go meet with an endocrinologist and I knew he would have the official results. Queue anxiety reaching epic proportions again. I didn't realize just how nervous I still was until I was shaking in his office. And he confirmed what the doctor earlier in the week couldn't officially say - the biopsy was benign. Can we say, hello new favorite doctor who got to tell me I didn't have cancer? LOL!

Phew. It's been a long two weeks. I'm feeling so relieved right now. We need to keep an eye on my thyroid. Some blood tests were done with results next week. It's all minor. And not anything to fret about anymore. A weight off my shoulders.

Happy weekend everyone.