That's how I'm feeling right now. Very blah-ish. I'm tired (I haven't been sleeping nearly enough and it's my own fault). And it's now cold and chilly and and overcast and gray and yucky out. I have a 2 year old who's main goal in life is to break as many rules as possible as many times as possible each second of the day. I have kids who are messy and loud and leave crumbs everywhere and also leave scissors out so the previously mentioned 2 year old can cut lots of things up that he shouldn't be cutting when no one is looking. I have a new cat who thinks my toes are his most favorite toy. I have a husband who works too damn much. And I have budget that does not allow me to purchase pretty much anything without agonizing over the questions of do we need it, is the price worth it, will I really use it, can I find it cheaper somewhere else, and is there something else I should be buying instead.
And among all of that, I have a TON to be grateful for. And I know it, but I can't find those things to latch onto today. They are hiding behind my I hate the world attitude. They are overshadowed by the never ending to do list. They can't be overheard above the crying and the whining and the yelling and fighting. But I know they are there. I know I will find them again.
But today. Today I am grumpy and crabby. And today I wishing for more: more time to sleep, more time to be alone, more money to spend, more friends to talk with, more patience to deal with it all, more love in my heart, more understanding when talking with others and more forgiveness for those I am really just not happy with.
I'll get there. Let's just all pray that it happens sooner rather than later.