Monday, October 22, 2012

Here we ago again

Next Monday I will go for surgery. Again.

For those keeping track {which I'm sure is just myself and my husband} this will be the 4th surgery since June and the 7th in 18 months. And if all goes well, there will be one more surgery coming after this.

I'm mostly excited about this surgery. I'm getting a tissue expander put in, which basically means I'll be back to two boobs. We'll get it expanded to just the right size and then it will switched out {along with the one I have on the left side} with permanent implants. This is a good thing. It really is and I'm happy. It will nice to not need to be in the middle of the grocery store and be struck with panic that I forgot to my prosthetic on {which has happened more often than I care to admit}. I will feel a little more womanly having two boobs and not just one.

But. But. There is a part of me that does not want to go under again. I don't want my husband to miss work to schlep me back and forth to surgery. I don't want my kids to miss their activities because I won't be able to drive for a few days and the husband can't miss any more work than is absolutely necessary. I don't want to have another surgery to go.

Mostly though I just want to be done with all of this and for it to be behind me. Because as I said before, I'm just tired of it all.

But at the end of the day I will be happy to have this surgery behind me and probably be anxious for the next step to come.

On a related note, I know things have been a bit doom and gloom around here. This month has been quite the emotional one - four friends have been diagnosed with cancer. Every time I hear of a new diagnosis it weighs so heavy on my heart. I don't want my friends to have to go through any of this. I mean, I don't want anyone to have to go through this. I wish I had the power to fix it and make it all better. I can't and so I will have to settle for just being to do what I can to help out.

And in the meantime I have a whole slew of emotions I need to work through and will probably dump them all here.

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