Things You Should Know About

So I don't often share different events on my blog, but there are a few things I want to share with you.

First of, open sign-ups for Camp Kesem are taking place right now!

What is Camp Kesem? you ask. Well, I will tell you! Camp Kesem is a non-profit camp run through local colleges and universities for children who have a parent who had/have cancer.

What does that mean? you ask. Well, it means that Camp Kesem is run by very enthusiastic and wonderful college students. Kids who attend it, attend for free. It is at no cost to the family. There are locations all across the US. And it's a place where kids can go to have a lot of fun, but also to connect to other kids who know what it is like when mom and/or dad have cancer.

Let's face it, cancer is stressful on the whole family. And often times kids don't have a place to turn or none of their good friends have been in that situation so it can feel awkward to share. Cue Camp Kesem.

My kids have attended three years, and will be attending their fourth this summer. And we are SO happy we found it. If Camp Kesem isn't a fit for your family, feel free to share it with others who might need it!

Second, many places are having auditions for Listen To Your Mother (LTYM) right now!

This includes my sweet home of Chicago!

What is Listen To Your Mother? you ask. LTYM is a live stage show that takes place in 41 cities. It is people getting on stage and reading an essay that they've written about motherhood.

I was in Chicago's first Listen To Your Mother show and it was awesome. This year, I'm trying out. I'm nervous because I haven't tried since that first year. But whatever happens, I will be thrilled to see it back in Chicago.

In case you are wondering:
No, you don't have to be a mother. (You can write about your mother or mother figure in your life.)
No, you don't have to be a professional writer. (I was in the show, so that should clear that up!)
No, you don't have to be a blogger.
No, you don't have to be a public speaker.

All you have to do is have a story to share, put it to paper, and be willing to read it to an audience.

If you want to submit a piece for the Chicago show, it must be done by February 5. So get to writing. And if you don't want to be in the show, then mark your calendar for May 1 and go be a part of the audience supporting those on stage!

Side note: If you aren't in the Chicago area, go here to see if a LTYM show is coming near you. If you click on the city name, you should be able to get audition and show information! I'd like to round up all the info for you, but can't commit to that right now!

Third, Chicago is getting a new kids camp this summer: Galileo Innovation Camps. They look pretty fun, and the camps have been in other parts of the country before, but this will be their first summer in Chicago. You can head on over to my TheMakerMom's blog to get more info on it. I'm definitely thinking about putting Mister 10 in it. I think he'd have a blast!

Alright, I think that's about everything to share with you for the moment. Let me know if you sign kids up for camp, or are headed out to a LTYM show!

Weight and Walking

steps from last week

For the last 4ish years, my weight has been climbing.

Albeit slowly, but steadily.

I know you're going to laugh. I've gained 8 pounds in 4 years.

Given that I'm on a SERM (selective estrogen receptor modulator - a fancy way of saying a pill that blocks my body from absorbing estrogen), only 8 pounds is something to celebrate. SERMs often cause women to gain weight, more than they would off of it and they make it harder to lose weight - even with exercise and diet.

So, only 8 pounds gained makes me quite lucky.

That said, I have a weight I'm not supposed to go over. The magic number is 130.

Apparently breast cancer recurrence is higher if your weight is higher. And so, my magic number is 130.

At my last check-up, I was 133.

I know. Big flipping deal, right?

Three little pounds.

I'm not worried about these three pounds. Honestly, I don't think three pounds will make or break me in the long term. I don't think there is cancer in my body that is floating around going "OH! OH! OH! She's over 130, time to grow and spread gang!" I don't think it works like that.

And yet, I feel like getting down to 130 shouldn't be terribly difficult.  
And yet, knocking off even three pounds isn't going to be easy.

I'm on medicine that wants my body to retain the weight.

[Here's where I take a moment to tell you that a few years ago some meme went around that said something like "I wish I could breast cancer because then I'd lose weight and get a free boob job." Hate to break it to you, breast cancer patients are much more likely to gain weight because of the meds we are put on. So not only is that completely offensive, it's not even how it works.]

steps from this week

Regardless, I've been kicking my butt into high gear lately. Well, I should say kicking into high gear for me.

I've started to walk. A lot.

I used to walk all the time, logging lots of steps each day. I managed to train three times for the Avon 2 Day Walk - and that's not a small commitment either.

So I decided to start walking more. Moving more.

It's not always easy. Often times I pace around the house because of various reasons that I can't leave my house. I've started running up and down the stairs at my house to use different muscles and get my heart rate up. I jog in place. I've been walking on the indoor track that my park district has at least once a week.

I sneak in extra steps where I can. Need to take two things up to the second floor? Then I take them up one at a time.  Earlier this week, I arrived at a meeting early. So I walked around the block twice.

I work hard each day to try to get a lot of steps in. Which is hard because if I'm walking I can't be reading (unless it's an audio book), I can't be working on my needlepoint, or crocheting. I can do simple knitting, but only if I'm at home - not at the track or out of the house.

Despite wanting to just sit, I keep going.

This is where I'm at. This is what I can do.

I can't run, I can't weight train, I can't train for a marathon. But I can walk.

So I walk.
And I walk.
And I walk.
And I walk some more.

It makes me both have more energy and also very tired. I think overall, when I'm awake, I'm more awake. But I am still hitting that energy wall hard and have noticed I've had an uptick in naps. I'm hoping if I just keep it up, that might get better. Or maybe it won't. It will be the price I pay to walk.

But today, today, that price feels worth it.

So I'm going to keep walking. I'm going to keep doing sets of stair climbs. I'm going to walk on the track, or at the mall. If it ever gets warm out, I'll walk outside. I'll continue to pace in the living room, to jog in place by the kitchen table, to walk in circles in the basement.

I'm going to do it for me.

And maybe those three pounds will come off.
And maybe they won't.

But at least I'll be moving.

We've got to do more

Yesterday a prominent voice in the metastatic breast cancer community passed away.

She died.

From breast cancer.

She was too young.

She leaves two young sons, a father, family, and friends.

Holley and I were not friends. We didn't talk on the phone. We didn't text. We didn't hang out. We were in similar circles, sometimes the same circles. I admired her for what she did. I loved her video. I was glad it got people talking.

And yet, her death has my heart buzzing. And my head buzzing.

Buzzing with sadness. With anger. With frustration. With guilt.

Several breast cancer advocates and bloggers have passed away recently.

And you know what? It feels like too darn much.

But seriously ... we've got to do more.

Ditch the pink ribbons. Dare I say it - fuck pink ribbons.

Pink ribbons are not curing cancer.

But we are bombarded with them. They are on eggs, on yogurt, on sweaters, on jackets, on cement mixing trucks, on fire trucks, on drills, magnets for the car, for the fridge.

You can't hardly move around this country without seeing a flipping pink ribbon.

And what has it gotten us.

Oh, I know. We can talk about breast cancer more openly now. We don't have to hide away.

Except when pictures on facebook are removed.
Or when survivors are told they are being grumblers.
Or when you don't look like a breast cancer patient.
Or when you smell bad from treatment.

Oh, I know. It's raised money for a cure.

Except for it's raised money for salaries.
And for "education."
And for awareness.
Or it's just pocketed. 

Oh, I know. It's taught people about breast cancer.

Except for those who think you only get breast cancer if it runs in your family.
Or that people don't die from breast cancer anymore.
Or that people don't actually know their risk of getting breast cancer.
Or that 60% of people know almost nothing (or nothing) about advanced breast cancer.
Or that people think 1 in 8 women of any age will get breast cancer.

Wait. Back the truck up?

Let me tell you, from where I stand, what the pink ribbon has done for us.

It has made breast cancer seem beautiful.
It has made breast cancer seem not difficult.
It has made breast cancer sexy.
It has made those who are dying from breast cancer feel unwelcomed.
It has made people who haven't been through it think it's an "easy" cancer.

Can you sense the anger? The frustration? The sadness?

Can you see that blanketing every product imaginable with pink isn't helping?

The same number of women are dying every. single. day. today in America as they did in 1980!

Where is the progress? Why aren't we talking about this more? Why isn't this being discussed?

Why are we pink washing a disease that is killing men and women every single day.

Yesterday, two little boys went to bed with their mom gone. A husband went to bed missing his wife. A mother, a father, missing their daughter.

That's just one of about 107 families who lost a loved one yesterday.

One.

Of One hundred seven.

That doesn't include the estimated 155,000 women living with metastatic breast cancer. An estimated 155,000 women who will almost probably die from cancer. And if not cancer, something related to cancer. Or treatment.

Estimated. 155,000.

Know why it's estimated? Because no one actually tracks it.

I guess if you're going to die anyway, no one needs to keep count.

Do
You
Feel
My
Anger?

Do
You
Feel
My
Sadness?

I'm here.
Tonight I got to say good-night to my children. To my husband. To granny.
I'm here.

But too many women are not.

And we aren't talking about it. Not enough of us are talking about it.

People want the pretty side of cancer. The uplifting side of cancer. The women-so-strong-they-beat-it stories of cancer.

But we can't change the numbers. Or the statistics. Or the heartache. Or the pain. If we ignore it. If we pretend it's all a bunch of pink unicorns running on pink rainbows among pink clouds.

I read tonight, over at Metathriving, this paragraph that Susanne posted

Goddamnit, won’t someone hear us? When will someone hear us? Pay fucking attention here? We’re dying! The “awareness” model isn’t doing shit! We need to change focus to research! Hear us! Don’t buy into the pink-painted Komen drivel. Send your money where it will make an actual difference. Metavivor.org. MBCN.org. LBBC.org. Just to name a few. But pay attention. Pink ribbons are not a cure. Listen to us. Early detection is not a cure. There is no such thing as “cancer-free” for breast cancer. Listen. 

And I read it, and my brain was screaming YES! THIS! SO MUCH THIS!

I don't have stage iv breast cancer. I don't know why treatment worked for me and not others. I don't know why so many families are without loved ones when my family gets to be with me now. But I do know this, I'm not going to sit back and be silent. I'm going to be here, I'm going to be listening. I will hear what the woman dealing with this will say. I will take it to heart. I will spread it to as many people as I can.

I am listening.

And my heart is breaking for so many. And my head is hurting.

But I'm listening. And I won't stay silent.

2016 Goals

Last week I sat down and thought about the goals I wanted to set for 2016. Many of them, as I mentioned in a previous post, are just continuations of last year's goals. That might seem like I'm being lazy or not pushing myself, but that is not the case at all!

I'm working hard towards some really big goals (to get ALL the digital photos edited/organized/arranged), to finish some really labor-intensive projects, and to read almost every book on a list of over 300.

To try to complete all of that, in the span of one year, would be, well, it might make me explode. It would be setting myself up for failure - and who thinks that sounds like fun? Definitely not me. So over a year ago, I broke everything up into year increments, hence, why so many will seem the same. The good news is that today I'm one year closer to completing everything than I was a year ago. And hopefully, in a year, I'll be another year closer.

With all of that said, I present to you my 2016 Goals!

1. Organize 36 folders of digital photos - last year I got through 2008. So I get to start this year in the Jan 2009 folder (by the way, can I insert here that I'm SO thankfully when we first started using digital photography I sorted pictures into monthly photos). You might be wondering, if they are already in their monthly folder, what am I doing? Well, I'm deleting the bad ones, the duplicates, the blurry photos, the photos you accidentally take of the ground while you're walking (oh, is that last one just me?) I'm also tagging faces, tagging locations, and putting in captions where necessary. This is quite a bit of work, but it's already come in handy many times: people asking if I have pictures of them, or of a certain location, etc, etc. So I'll keep plugging alone. 36 folders will probably be about 2-2 1/2 years of pictures, which means this will be an ongoing project for 5ish years, but better to do it a little at a time then not do it at all!

2. Read 50 books, with a minimum of 30 from the Rory Gilmore Reading list - yep, another carry-over from last year. But, this goal pushed me to read more last year than I have in quite some time. And with over 300 books on the Rory Gilmore list, only about 9 years to finish that huge list! But it's good. I like reading. And I need a reminder to turn off the tv more often. Of course, some of these will be audio books - which I can listen to while driving, walking, or working on some projects. Which leads me to the next goal ...

3. Finish the train needlepoint project - I'm not going to lie, I'm so mad I didn't finish last year like I wanted. Even though I was happy that I worked on it so much, I wanted it to be done so I could give it to me son, who has been waiting since late 2011 to get it. So, it would be nice to be done with it! IF, a big if, I finish it earlier enough in the year, I have another cross stitch project that I'll throw in it's place and start to work on (that also needs several years of work at my pace to get finished) BUT nothing new until this is done.

4. Make three things for myself - sew one, knit one, sew three, knit three, however it works out. I want to make myself three things this coming year. I'm not sure quite yet what those three things will be, but I think at least one will be a skirt I've been wanting to make for a few years now. I just need to force myself to sit at the machine and sew!

5. Blog twice per week - I got pretty close to this goal last year, and I think if I just push a bit harder, I'll make it this year. The trick will be to keep doing it next year and the next year!

6. Comment on other blogs three times per week - That's not that much really. And I read a lot of blogs - but usually on my phone where commenting is a pain. So I just need to get on the computer and read and let other bloggers know that hey, I'm here, and I'm reading, and I love your words always. I know how much a comment means to me. I imagine it is just as nice for others to get them too!

7. Cook a new cookbook recipe twice a month - Okay, I love cookbooks. I own a ton. But I don't hardly use them. Mostly because I hate cooking. So I'm going to try to reach into the cookbook collection more often and make keeping the cookbooks on a shelf worth while. Plus, many of them have great baking recipes I should try ;-)

8. Complete organizational tasks - I have 7 tasks spread out through the year that I want to make sure I do this year. This includes organizing the kitchen (due to a much welcomed influx of items over the holiday season), organizing the Christmas items, going through the bathrooms and chucking all the expired medicines, etc. The things that need to get done, but tend to be forgotten about.

9. Organize 6 Stupid Cancer meet-ups in my area - that's one every other month. We have a facebook group, but don't get together for face-to-face meet ups. But I've been attending a Young Survivor Coalition meet up over most of last year and it's a good thing. So I'm going to make it my mission to set up some face-to-face meetings because I think it will be a good thing. Plus, aside from setting goals this year, I did pick a guiding word and the word I picked was Connection. So this fits in nicely with that. I figure, I can have too many connections to others in my life, so here's one way to make them happen!

10. Well, ten is a secret. I mean probably not for you, but maybe for somebody reading this. If I finish it, I'll unveil it at Christmas time. And that's all you get to know about that! ;-)


10 Goals to complete this year. Not too shabby I think. I'll diligently work on them throughout the year, since most will require a lot of time to finish! I'm ready though. I want to get these projects completed because I know it will feel SO SO SO SO SO good. So I'm ready to rock another year!

2015 Goals Review

I started 2015 with some pretty big goals, even if there were only 8 of them. Several of them were large and on-going.

I'll tell you know that I didn't finish them all. I accomplished some. Got close on some of them. And missed the mark on others.

BUT. But despite that, I did put forth a good faith effort. I did work hard. And as I look back, I did accomplish a lot! Since it's good to see the big picture, I thought I would round up what I did manage to accomplish this year here!

1. Make a granny square every weekday of 2015: This one was completed. I made two blankets for our house and one for a friend. I made a lot of granny squares and used up a lot of yarn! And I like the two blankets that are gracing our couches a lot!

2. Read 40 books, with 30 of them being from the Rory Gilmore Reading List: I blew this one out of the water. I read 56 books. A few were children's books, but it was over 18,000 pages that I read (or listened to). I did read 29 off the Rory Gilmore List. Even though it's not the 30 I wanted to read, I'm calling it finished anyway. I could split hairs, but I'm not going to. Because 29 is close enough!

Needlepoint on Jan 11

3. Organize three years worth of digital pictures: I was short 4 months of this goal. However, I went through thousands and thousands and thousands of pictures. I will carry this same goal through to the new year, but I'm going to modify it a bit. Instead of 36 months of pictures, my goal will be 36 folders. Some months have an extra folder for vacations/sporting pictures/etc. Those folders have as many pictures in them as a regular month, and many have even more! If I count folders, I did 37 this past year, so hence I'm calling this one done as well.

4. Organize scrap-booking items/keepsakes: I jumped in and tackled this in January last year so it was done, finished and out of the way for the rest of the year. It's nice to have something to cross off right away!

Needlepoint on Dec 31

5. Finish a train embroidery project: While I worked on this a lot this year, probably about 100 hours of needlepoint, it is not finished. And it still has a lot of work to go. So while this isn't finished, and maybe isn't even half-way finished, I'm happy of what I accomplished. And am quite driven to finish it in 2016!

6. Make money from my knitting: Technically I did. I made and sold one blanket. This isn't quite what I had in mind a year ago, selling things on a regular basis is not on my radar for the time being.

Blanket I made to order!

7. Blog twice a week: I had 92 posts in 2015. With 30 of them being in November. I fell short of this pretty consistently. And while the average overall, is kind of close (1.7 posts per week), I'm calling this not accomplished. And we'll try again next year!

8. Comment on other blogs more: While I did comment more than I had been, I did not comment enough either. But it's good to keep doing this, so in 2016, we'll see this goal again too, but with more direction. Comment more is pretty wide open ... if I left just one comment more than 2014, technically I've done it, right? But not what I had in mind. So hopefully less vagueness in 2016 will get me there!

In the next day or two, I will post 2016 goals. A lot will be the same, or similar. That might not be very exciting, but many of these projects are smaller chunks of larger goals, so I'm okay with repeating several goals for the next 2 or 3 or maybe 10 years (yes, one big goal will take me 10 years to accomplish!). I don't mind having long, long term goals. But I do need to break them down into smaller chunks, hence, each year's goal!

Did you set goals in 2015? How did you do with yours? Share in the comments!