Sunday, January 17, 2016

Weight and Walking

steps from last week
For the last 4ish years, my weight has been climbing.

Albeit slowly, but steadily.

I know you're going to laugh. I've gained 8 pounds in 4 years.

Given that I'm on a SERM (selective estrogen receptor modulator - a fancy way of saying a pill that blocks my body from absorbing estrogen), only 8 pounds is something to celebrate. SERMs often cause women to gain weight, more than they would off of it and they make it harder to lose weight - even with exercise and diet.

So, only 8 pounds gained makes me quite lucky.

That said, I have a weight I'm not supposed to go over. The magic number is 130.

Apparently breast cancer recurrence is higher if your weight is higher. And so, my magic number is 130.

At my last check-up, I was 133.

I know. Big flipping deal, right?

Three little pounds.

I'm not worried about these three pounds. Honestly, I don't think three pounds will make or break me in the long term. I don't think there is cancer in my body that is floating around going "OH! OH! OH! She's over 130, time to grow and spread gang!" I don't think it works like that.

And yet, I feel like getting down to 130 shouldn't be terribly difficult.  
And yet, knocking off even three pounds isn't going to be easy.

I'm on medicine that wants my body to retain the weight.

[Here's where I take a moment to tell you that a few years ago some meme went around that said something like "I wish I could breast cancer because then I'd lose weight and get a free boob job." Hate to break it to you, breast cancer patients are much more likely to gain weight because of the meds we are put on. So not only is that completely offensive, it's not even how it works.]

steps from this week
Regardless, I've been kicking my butt into high gear lately. Well, I should say kicking into high gear for me.

I've started to walk. A lot.

I used to walk all the time, logging lots of steps each day. I managed to train three times for the Avon 2 Day Walk - and that's not a small commitment either.

So I decided to start walking more. Moving more.

It's not always easy. Often times I pace around the house because of various reasons that I can't leave my house. I've started running up and down the stairs at my house to use different muscles and get my heart rate up. I jog in place. I've been walking on the indoor track that my park district has at least once a week.

I sneak in extra steps where I can. Need to take two things up to the second floor? Then I take them up one at a time.  Earlier this week, I arrived at a meeting early. So I walked around the block twice.

I work hard each day to try to get a lot of steps in. Which is hard because if I'm walking I can't be reading (unless it's an audio book), I can't be working on my needlepoint, or crocheting. I can do simple knitting, but only if I'm at home - not at the track or out of the house.

Despite wanting to just sit, I keep going.

This is where I'm at. This is what I can do.

I can't run, I can't weight train, I can't train for a marathon. But I can walk.

So I walk.
And I walk.
And I walk.
And I walk some more.

It makes me both have more energy and also very tired. I think overall, when I'm awake, I'm more awake. But I am still hitting that energy wall hard and have noticed I've had an uptick in naps. I'm hoping if I just keep it up, that might get better. Or maybe it won't. It will be the price I pay to walk.

But today, today, that price feels worth it.

So I'm going to keep walking. I'm going to keep doing sets of stair climbs. I'm going to walk on the track, or at the mall. If it ever gets warm out, I'll walk outside. I'll continue to pace in the living room, to jog in place by the kitchen table, to walk in circles in the basement.

I'm going to do it for me.

And maybe those three pounds will come off.
And maybe they won't.

But at least I'll be moving.

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