Monday, June 10, 2013
I could gush for hours about my guy - I won't go on for hours, but I could easily. Because he deserves it and so much more. Let's be honest, most everyone enters marriage and the whole "for better or for worse" is so hypothetical you just can't imagine going through the for worse, or even what that really means. I know, at least, this was the case for me.
And then the punch in the gut comes and you are standing there facing your for worse. And whoa. It's hard. You know me, I'm not into cliches ... you won't hear me saying things like "Cancer made our marriage stronger. We've never been closer."
I suppose in some ways those statements are true - I love my husband so much more now than when we were wed 14 years ago. I think I would love him more today with or without cancer though. I firmly believes he loves me. I actually joke with him I know he loves me because he wouldn't put up with all my crap if he didn't! ;-)
But I'd be lying if I said the last few years have been easy or a breeze. If I could change them, I would. In a heartbeat. That said, we're here. We're still here. We're still in love. We still like each other and we can laugh and cry together, depending on the day!
Not everyone goes through the for worse times and can say that. I know too many people who went through worse times (whatever they may look like) and ended up leaving the marriage they were in (or, worse, yet, being left). Marriage isn't really a fairy-tale. It isn't an automatic cure-all for the bad in life. And happily-ever-after doesn't usually involve riding off on white horses into the bright future without a worry or care.
Marriage is work. It's holding your partner's hand when they need it. It's doing most of the housework sometimes because the other one can't. Look, anyone can stop and by flowers, but not anyone can hold your hair back when you are sick. Or drive you to doctor's appointments, or carrying too much of the load because the other person can't. That's not to say I don't like getting flowers, I do. But marriage and love is so much more than that.
And I lucked out. I have a husband who understands this. Who is there by my side, to do what needs to be done, even when it's not fair, or it feels like too much, or it's not fun. He is my rock. Even when so much is pulling at us it's hard to fit us in. And even when it's hard. Because it's not always easy. I knew this even before cancer - some days it is easy and wonderful and other days you have to work at it.
Look, I know that Ben Affleck was criticized for saying essentially the same thing in his acceptance speech. Maybe I will be too, but I stand by it. Marriage is work. Some days it's easy work, some days it's hard work. But it's work I'm committed too. It's work I love. It's work I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world.
And after 14 years, I can say I am more in love with my husband every day. I love him. I love him as a husband, as a father, as a man, as a wonderful human being. I'm lucky he's the one walking beside me in this life. I'm lucky he's the one I have such a great family with. Today does not look like what I picture 14 years ago - and I'm not just talking about the not great things, some things are so much better than I could have imagined!
14 years. Ups. Downs. Highs. Lows. We've done it all. I hope we continue to do it all for many, many more years to come!