34

Roses my son got me as a day before birthday present!

Today I turn 34 years old.

I LOVE birthdays. I always have. I know others who struggle with getting older, but I never have. Maybe one day I will struggle, but for now, I embrace my birthday.

Even more so today than three birthdays ago.

For me, now getting older feels like a gift in itself. I know, it sounds cheesy and all that jazz, but it's true. I also know that tomorrow is promised to no one - eventually I will have a last birthday. It may come suddenly, unexpectedly, or we may get some warning of some sorts. But today, right now, a birthday, getting older, feels like a wonderful gift.

I was 31 when I was diagnosed, just weeks before my birthday. That year my mastectomy was only 2 days after turning 32. It was an odd birthday for me. Everyone was awesome, I was truly showered with so much goodness that year - people went out of their way to wish me a happy birthday. That part was lovely. But I have to wonder, were they, like me, wondering if this was going to be my last birthday, or one of my last birthdays?

I know. It sounds grim. It sounds depressing. And my doctors told me then, trying to reassure us as we were trying to make sense of the cancer diagnosis, that they didn't think it would be a death sentence, that treatment would be successful. Which was nice to hear. But still. I was scared.

And then my birthday came. It was truly awesome. But there was this cloud hanging overhead (that was no one's fault, it was the situation). I had cancer. I was going to have major surgery in 2 days.

Still. It was a birthday. And it was a good one at that.

Fast forward to last year. Last year's birthday was extra charged - we threw a huge party to celebrate it. I loved every minute of it! It had been a long, hard year and darn-it, so many of us needed that celebration. Not just me, but my family.

And here we are again. Another birthday. 34. The celebration will be smaller than last year, but it will still be fabulous.

I'm 34 now. I'm loving every minute of it. My body is more worn, I have more scars, more wrinkles, more baggage than I did a few birthdays ago. But I also have more laughter, more stories, more memories, more hugs, and more time than a few birthdays ago. And that's more than enough.

xoxo,
Brandie