So. Um. Today.

Me, welcoming my first daughter into the world

A few months ago I heard from Melisa and Tracey that they were producing Listen To Your Mother (LTYM) in Chicago. Which was great. But I had to make a decision - to be in the show or not. 

Now, I don't do public speaking. Never have. Never thought I would. I barely passed speech class in school. Thinking about people's eyes looking at me? Terrifies me. Sometimes, even when among friends, if I realize everyone's attention is on me, I start to freak out a little. 

But, LTYM was coming. And in what I consider a break in rational thought for me, I decided to go for it. After all, I had kicked cancer's butt, so I could do anything, right? Right? No. Wrong. Treatment for cancer is NOTHING like public speaking. It's like saying, I sailed around the world so I can now fly solo around the world. Um. No. Sailing. Flying. Two completely different skill sets. Seriously? What was I thinking? 

I think I thought that by the time the performance got here, I'd be used to it. And cool. And chill. And a bit nervous, but nothing unmanageable. 

I? Was wrong. I am not used to it. I am on the verge of peeing my pants over anxiety. No, don't worry, I won't really. Because that? Would be even more embarrassing than just freezing on stage. I am terrified I will trip while walking to the mic. I was trying on shoes to wear, and tripped in the store, and immediately took the shoes off and left. Tonight, is not the time for me try new shoes. Especially ones with heels. {That said. I'm ready. Just in case. If I trip, I know what I'll say to defuse the bomb me falling will drop on everyone. Because I like to have a back-up plan like that.}  

Anyway, tonight, I will go on stage. A lot of eyes will be looking at me. And I will talk about how amazing my children are - because they are. That part is easy. 

I will be speaking about it in the context of my cancer though. And that is the part that is terrifying me. It's too new. I don't have enough space. I get emotional about it. I feel vulnerable and like I might as well be naked because that might be easier than sharing. 

I was talking to someone this week about it. Okay, I might have been hyperventilating about it this week and he reminded me of a couple of things. 1. Cancer treatment and public speaking are not the same thing, but during treatment I dug down and found something to get me through it. So too I can today. 2. Melisa and Tracey did not ask for actresses. They did not ask for people who are well versed at public speaking. They did not ask for people who do this for a living. They asked for moms. Moms who are willing to share. And I'm a mom. And I share often on this blog. 

So today, at approximately 7:10 (yes, I've thought about the exact minute I may take the stage) I will stand in front of many eyes, mostly belonging to people who I don't know. And I will tell them how wonderful my children are. And I'm nervous - beyond nervous actually, but I will dig deep and do my best to do it.