Howdy all!

First, I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season this year. Christmas at our yesterday was so fabulous. Mostly, we were all just so excited to be together, and the presents weren't bad either. We were all, once again, very spoiled and feel very blessed by all that we received.

But truly, for Eric and I, me being home and able to participate is what really made yesterday special. Because on Friday as we were heading to the ER, neither of us was sure what was going to happen at all. And we just kept going to worst case scenario .... I was trying to tell him all my part of the Christmas giving. He was trying to calm me down. We both were trying to figure out how we'd spend Christmas apart and mostly how could we ease that for our kids. Needless to say, it wasn't the most fun drive to the hospital.

So let me back up a bit. I know Eric filled you in some. But right before Thanksgiving I started having some soreness in my right chest/arm area. But of course, I was still undergoing radiation, so a lot of it made sense. But we ruled out a blood clot and started PT, thinking I could be in the beginning stages of lymphedema. And then after Thanksgiving the pain intensified and was spreading. But at the same time, I was diagnosed with bronchitis, so mostly the coughing was blamed. But things kept getting worse. And then we thought maybe my nerves were over-active because of all the trauma I had been through. But the pain got worse. And late last week, I pretty much headed to bed and didn't move unless absolutely necessary. And things just kept getting worse.

Last week on Tuesday it was so bad I called my plastic surgeon (not really knowing who else to call, but knowing they had been good about it in the past and feeling like no one else was really helping) and asked for stronger painkillers than what I had at home because they just weren't touching the pain anymore. Wednesday I went in to see the doctor. He checked me over and mentioned I might have an infection so he prescribed some antibiotics (and also? An even stronger pain killer than the day before because that one wasn't helping either).

Somewhere in the midst of all of this I began to run some fevers. And Wednesday night it jumped up to roughly 104 degrees. Eric was worried, but frankly I was beyond the point of caring. {At this point, the 3 kids were all with my mom}. We got it lower, but it stayed around. Thursday Eric and my doctor had talked a few times. Eric came home from work Thursday, supposed to have picked up our kids but only bringing home the oldest. He told me the two younger kids were going to stay with my mom and he was taking our oldest to her friend's. So they got her all ready to go and Eric took her to her friends.

When he got home he dropped the big bomb on me. Doctor was worried the infection was below the skin in which case surgery to remove the expander would be happening tomorrow. {Hence, him finding care for the kids instead of keeping them home}. At this point, I won't lie. I lost it. I was just a wreck of tears, pain killers, antibiotics, fever. Because while I'm not an extremely vain person, I still didn't want to lose my boob. We've spent most of the last year figuring out how to keep them both as normal looking as we can during all of this.

Anyway, Friday morning came. And things weren't better. And so off we went to the ER (we coordinated with my plastic surgeon and went to the hospital he was at). And that's the point Eric stepped in and let you all know what was going on.

The good news in all of this, the pain issues? Are gone. I'm sore from surgery for sure and having discomfort for sure. But the pain issues that have been plaguing me for a month now were gone when I woke up from surgery. So we did the right thing. And it will turn out okay in the end. Truthfully though? I feel like I have a lot of emotional baggage to sort through. But I'll wait to unpack all of that after the holidays have passed. Right now I just want to enjoy time with the family and let my body finally start healing.