Happy Halloween!

Way back in September (which feels ages ago) someone asked how others would handle Pinktober. I proudly declared that this year, I wanted October to be about Halloween and fall again.

So I set out to do that. I made really big plans. I pinned like a billion things on pinterest.

Then I was like, um, Brandie, step away from the pinterest, and just do Halloween the way you are going to do it.

So I did Halloween just the way that I was able to around these parts. We'll probably do similar next year, but maybe with some more decorations inside!

But, I loved our pumpkins on the front porch. There were also some other decorations out there that I didn't get pictures of. And we had fun posters on the front door.

The ghosts that lined our driveway were just milk jugs with cheap electric lights from the dollar store in them. We live at the end of a dead end street and we noticed last year not everyone walked all the way down the street, so I wanted to do something that was visible to trick-or-treaters as they came down the street. We still didn't get a lot of them because it was raining. Boo for rain.

There was a lot of baking this October. I got my hands on a lot of apples. So I made apple cake. And apple bread. And apple sauce. I also baked a fair amount of bread. (Side note: I made the most beautiful loaf of bread I've ever made last month. It was so lovely.) And the kitchen often smelled lovely.

We carved pumpkins - last minute, but we did it! Everyone is old enough to do their own now, which is great. I roasted the pumpkin seeds. Okay, I roasted them poorly. I'm not sure how to master it, because I swear I do it right, but they never taste great. Next year, I'll let them dry more and cook them a bit longer and try again.

The two kids who went out, had fun costumes. The girl was a sock monkey. The boy was a ninja. I had originally planned to make him a minecraft person. I even made the costume.

Trust me when I say, it was ugly. No, really, it was. And he wouldn't tell me - he said he liked it and wanted to wear it. So I explained to him that sometimes we fail. And that's okay. If we fail, we go to plan b and our plan b was to go buy a costume the day before Halloween. At which, he admitted he didn't like the costume, but didn't want to hurt my feelings, and so off to plan b and it turned out perfect!

All in all, we had a great Halloween. It was perfect for us and I think even with the not tasty pumpkin seeds and plan b with the costume, it was a great season. I can't wait to do expand it a bit next year!

Hope you all had a good Halloween season too!

How to help

Last week, on my facebook page, I shared a list of ways to help those going through chemo/cancer treatment. The list was pretty popular and was shared more often than anything I've posted. Someone suggested I post it over here so that more people can read it, so here it is.

This is the list of things that I think are ways to help those going through a hard time. Some of these things people did for me. Some of them others shared were done for them. And some are just things that I think would have been nice if someone had done.

This list, is of course, not all encompassing. Reading some of these might give you other ideas to help. Follow your gut. You know your friend/family member best so do what feels right for you to do for them. But if you need a place to start, I think this is a good jumping point. 

• Set up an account at takethemameal.com and share with those who can help bring dinners
• Set up an account at lotsahelpinghands.com to set up things like dinner/housekeeping/helping with kids/driving/etc
• Buy a cooler for the family to put by their front door so when people bring meals they can put it in there and not have to ring the doorbell if people are resting inside
• Next time you are shopping, buy an extra toilet paper pack/paper towel pack/laundry detergent/dish soap/etc ... the things that we all use every day but don't necessarily buy every day so that they are stocked up and it's one less thing to worry about
• Buy groceries you know they will like and deliver to the house
• Send your friend books/magazines/word search/cross word books/etc - some chemo infusions can take 8 hours. That's a lot of time to sit at the infusion center and lots of time to pass
• Buy your friend something that is their hobby (i.e. for me, buy yarn ;-)) Yarn, art supplies, a cross stitch kit, a build your own model kit, or a coloring book or whatever makes them happy
• Chemo can dry you out. Bring your friend chap stick, lotion, biotene mouthwash, etc. BUT make it UNSCENTED. Chemo also heightens our sense of smell and scented things probably aren't going to go over well for a lot of people. Same thing applies to lotion/body wash/candles/etc
• Give a lap blanket to take to chemo or use when watching tv
• Buy them some shoes that are easy on and off. Sometimes chemo makes your feet swell or gives you neuropathy in your feet. Easy on/off comfy shoes are a big deal. 
• Scarves, hats - both knit hats for colder days and lighter hats for warmer days. 
• Help your friend go pick out a wig. Or be with them when they shave their head. Or offer to shave their head. Do not tell them it's only hair and it grows back. It is, but it doesn't help to hear that sometimes.
• offer to take their kids with you (if you can) when you take your kids out. 
• offer a night out to the caregiver - you come over, bring a movie or tv series and allow the caregiver to get out.
• If the person going through cancer is married and has kids, take the kids one night and bring over some fancy(ish) food for the couple to enjoy. Date nights tend to not be a priority during all of this, so give them a taste of it if you can
• Offer to take your friend to a movie, out to eat, to the mall to window shop, a walk in the park, a drive to your favorite cafe, etc. BUT remember to be flexible. If your friend cancels because they aren't feeling well, it's not YOU, do not take it personally. Even if they cancel ten times in a room (though if that happens, think about if you're offering to take them to somewhere YOU want to go, or somewhere s/he would like)
• Be prepared to say nothing. Sometimes silence is golden. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, to nod, to let it all out. You don't need to have an answer or a way to fix it. Just listen.
• Come over and clean. Don't ask. Most people won't say they need it, but do it anyway. 
• Send little notes in the mail every so often. Your friend is probably getting a lot of bills in the mail. Something that is not a bill, would be lovely. 
• Have a favorite song you think your friend should listen to? Or a book? Or a movie? Buy it for them. I think itunes let's you buy specific things and gift to people. Amazon might as well. Share. 
• During chemo, a person's immune system can be compromised and a trip out just isn't in the cards - get creative. A friend knew there was a movie I REALLY wanted to see, so she took me to the drive-in. I got to see the movie and avoid germs. And get a night out of the house. Win-win-win. 
• Support their treatment choices EVEN if it's not what *you* would do. On the same vein, do not send them every "cure" you read about on-line. Do not tell them about your cousin's-friend's-sister's-uncle's-wife had the same cancer as them and died an awful terrible death that just tore apart the whole family. 
• Do not tell kids (if they involved) that they have to step up and be the man/woman of the house. Those kids have enough weight on their shoulders. Just love them and treat them as you would treat other kids their age.
• If you want to give gifts, and the health is good enough, don't just give toys/things, also give gifts of experiences - passes to the zoo, movie tickets, etc. Time is precious and while more toys and more toys are fun, sometimes the family also need time to just do something fun. A night of minigolf can be priceless.
• It is better to offer to do something than ask what you can do. We might not be able to think of a specific thing to tell you, but if you offer, we'll say yes please. We might still say no, do it anyway. Asking for help is hard. Accepting help is hard. But come over and wash dishes anyway. 
• Give a journal so they can write things down (if that's something your friend would like).
• Offer to help spread news among other friends/family/etc. Whether that's making phone calls or setting up an e-mail list, often times there are many people who want updates and it's hard for one person/family to be able to talk to everyone and let them know what's going on.
• Offer to go to doctor's appointments and take notes. Lots of information can be thrown at people in a short amount of time. Go and just be the note-taker. Before the appointment, ask them if there are any questions they want to ask and also ask those questions at the appointment as well. It's easy to forget in the appointment what you wanted to ask.
• Chemobrain is real. Your friend might seem "flaky" Be understanding and patient. Again, it's not personal. 
• Help the person write thank you cards to others who have helped as well. 
• Give them movies/tv shows/etc to watch during the days when they need to rest or need treatment or whatever. 
• Audio books are a good idea as well. Sometimes chemobrain can make reading a book hard, audio books can be easier for some people
• If you have the talent, offer to shoot family pictures (or individual pictures) or get a photographer in. Many people have found comfort in getting those photos done.
• If you can gift a few months of netflix, hulu, amazon prime, hbo go, etc, then do so. There might be days where doing things is hard, or long days at the doctor's office. Having something to just watch and relax to, can be a good thing. 
• If you have the strength, and your friend is suffering from joint/bone/etc pain (which can happen in a lot of treatments) that make them wheelchair bound (temporarily or long term), come over and push them around the block. Get them outside. It can make a big difference in a person's mood to just get outside for a bit.

 There are lots and lots of ways to help. Just start wherever you can start. In a way that you think is needed for your friend.

NaBloPoMo

It's November. You know what that means?
Thanksgiving? Yes
Autumn weather? Yes
NaBloPoMo? Yes!

And for the record: this is the first year, despite doing it for the last few years, that NaBloPoMo just rolls off my tongue and I don't butcher it 15 ways first!

But yes, it's NaBloPoMo, which stands for National Blog Post Month. In which we bloggers are encouraged to post every. single. day.

Yes, sometimes it's hard.
Yes, sometimes I want to skip a day.
Yes, sometimes I think I put out dumb posts just to check that day off.

However, I usually end the month and I am pleased with most of what I write. I enjoy the month to challenge myself. I like having just one month to really focus on my blog.

I am not a serious blogger - I was just talking to my kids about this last week. I was was passed up for a blog opportunity and not one bit surprised. I explained to my kids that for some people, their blog was their business. So they said, well just do that so you can get this thing we want you to get. That's when I explained to them just how hard some bloggers work - attending events, making sure things are posted on time, making sure they follow guidelines, follow-up, regular posting, etc, etc.

Oh, they said, that's why you don't have a big blog.

Exactly. My blog is not my business. It is not first on my list. Or even second. Or third.

But for NaBloPoMo? I bump it up the list and I like to dive in headfirst and see what I can do around these parts.

So, once again, I'm jumping in head first. And we'll see where this month takes us.

I have not pre-written any posts - though I think tomorrow I'll share something I put on my facebook page, but aside from that, I have nothing ready to go. Not even a list of things to write about. While in past years I haven't had an extensive list, I have had a few things ready to go for this month.

And I know I've got lots of friends participating too, so I'm hoping that they'll post something that reminds of something to share over here.

Who knows! The month is wide open! And I can't wait to see where it will take me! 

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everyone!

If you live where I live, your day today is going to be cold and rainy. Not the ideal trick-or-treat weather, but I'll be toasty and warm inside since I'll make the husband take Mister Man out around the neighborhood! ;-)

But after he gets done, I think we'll curl up on the couch and watch some Halloween movies.

We have already decided to stream Monster Squad on Netflix tonight. I remember watching it with my cousin when I was maybe young middle school? So we'll watch it tonight, and while watching it with me isn't nearly as cool as watching with you cool cousin, he's just happy I'm letting him watch it!

Netflix has lots of fun Halloween choices - from The Nightmare Before Christmas (which is my oldest child's favorite) to Curious George: A Halloween Boo Fest, there's lots of ways to keep the kids entertained tonight after walking around in the cold, rain to get all that candy!

Though to be honest, after the kids go to bed, I'll probably keep on working my way through NCIS. I'm in love with Gibbs and Abby and Tony and Ziva! And the oldest is going to watch scary movies with a close friend all night.

Which sounds like a good way to end the night to me!

Happy Halloween everyone!

Holly's Story

The next story comes from Holly.

Before reading, here's what you need to know about Holly

Married 35 years

2 adult children

professional job in the legal field

Hobby: avid knitter (maybe make that rabid knitter)

And now, Holly's story

My story began in April 2014 when I had a mammogram on the way to a tasting for my daughters wedding. I was called back for an ultrasound on a second date but didn't think anything of it because I have dense breasts and often get a call back for an ultrasound. However, this time the radiologist said he thought I should have a biopsy on my left breast. I still wasn't concerned as I'd had a biopsy in the mid 1980's that came out clean and I resisted the biopsy because the biopsy was a very unpleasant procedure (I was sitting in a chair in a mammogram machine and had a large needle (no lidocaine) inserted in my breast to guide the surgeon. I passed out due to the pain and my chair rolled back with my breast still in the machine). The radiologist was insistent and I scheduled the biopsy for May. I was so convinced this would be another false alarm I told the radiologist to call me with the results. A week later I got the call at work that the biopsy was positive for breast cancer. I was absolutely paralyzed with fear, anger and depression. I called my husband and 2 friends and then proceeded to make an appointment with a surgeon and oncologist.

My surgeon is young and beautiful enough to be a model. She was wonderful and told me that I'd live to my 90's and die of something other than breast cancer, this would be a bump in the road. She recommended a partial mastectomy or lumpectomy because my tumor was small, 2cm. My consultation with the oncologist was not quite so pleasant, she explained I had HERS2+ breast cancer, it was aggressive and I should start chemotherapy ASAP. I refused as my daughters wedding was a month away and I didn't want that joyous occasion marred by the side effects of chemotherapy.

While sitting on my surgeon's exam table waiting for a lymphedema pretest I got a call from the hospital that my father had been admitted and I needed to immediately get there with his Health Care Proxy and Living Will. I rushed to the hospital with documents in hand and had to make difficult end of life decisions for him. The doctor didn't think he would last the night at that point. Less than a week later I had my first lumpectomy and the following day my father died. The next day, while still on pain medication I was planning my father's funeral. Prior to the funeral I received a telephone call from my surgeons nurse that the pathology report showed I had DCIS in the margins and I would need more surgery. After another consultation with my surgeon and an MRI that showed nothing, I had another lumpectomy and the DCIS was removed.

My daughter was married July 12th, I had my port put in July 17th and started chemotherapy with Taxotere, Carboplatin and Herceptin on July 18th, 2014. The side effects of the chemo were flu like symptoms and diarrhea but they paled in comparison to the bone pain from the Neulasta shot. I was grateful that the shot boosted my red blood cells enough to work but the pain was horrible for 1 1/2 days. Luckily through a cancer buddy from work and What Next I learned that Claritin taken before, during and after the day of the shot helped with the bone pain. The first time I saw my oncologist after chemo I complained about the diarrhea but hadn't kept track of the frequency so couldn't tell her how bad it was. I missed a family wedding that required a plane flight because I couldn't be that far from a bathroom. I spent the weekend of the wedding depressed and angry that I couldn't be with my family. After my second infusion I kept daily track of side effects on a calendar I found on line and was able to demonstrate how bad it was. We postponed my third chemo and discussed switching from Taxotere to Taxol. I refused the change because my research indicated Taxol has a greater likelihood of neuropathy than Taxotere. My dose of Taxotere was reduced by 20% and I was given a prescription for Lomotil.

I started losing my hair a week after my first chemo infusion and was bald by August 1st. I decided I would not be a victim to this dreaded disease and threw myself the first of 2 henna parties. I got a beautiful henna tattoo on my head and it gave me the courage to go out bare headed. The wigs itch like crazy!

I finished my last strong chemo November 11th and began the radiation part of the journey. I discussed hypo fractionated radiation with my radiologist as it was winter in New England and I didn't want to be trudging through the ice and snow in the early morning for radiation. Luckily he agreed I was a candidate and I had 16 radiation treatments and 4 boosts to the tumor area. I finished radiation on December 31st, 2014 in time to celebrate the new year.

In February my husband who had been my rock during my treatment was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He was told to lose as much weight as possible and surgery was scheduled for June 2, 2015. He was able to lose 25 pounds and the surgery was successful. Thankfully he made a rapid recovery and was almost his old self in July 2015.

 A beautiful court reporter I worked with cut her hair really short, similar to a man's butch haircut. She looked sleek and stylish and gave me the courage to ditch the wig in March 2015.

My Herceptin infusions lasted until June 29th, 2015 and I finally finished all the recommended treatments for my HERS2+ invasive ductal carcinoma. I was really glad to be DONE with treatment!

We celebrated both of us being NED (no evidence of disease) by going on a 12 day trip to Ireland in August 2015 that had been postponed from 2014 due to my treatments.

The things I found helpful during the horrible year were journaling my thoughts and feelings, keeping a breast cancer board on Pinterest, doing daily guided meditation, my wonderful family and friends who kept telling me "you can do this" over and over and some short term therapy in March 2015 when I had a scare that cancer spread to my bones. Luckily, a bone scan revealed it was arthritis and bursitis. I thank the researchers, doctors and patients in the early clinical trials for Herceptin every day. Were it not for them and their efforts it is likely I would not be here to tell my story.