Life is not fair.
I know. I know. I can hear it in my head "well no one ever said life would be fair." Which is code for suck it up, buttercup, you're no more precious than anyone else in this world so just accept it and move on.
Which maybe helps some people? I don't know. It doesn't help me much.
I'm not sure if it's because the holidays, but as I look around me and hear people talk or see what they are saying on-line, I see so much pain and sadness and so much unfairness of it all.
It makes me want to punch someone.
Except there's really no one I want to punch. Some invisible person who can be a stand-in for all the wrongs of the world.
I don't mean to sound like an awful person. Or someone who is over here wallowing in badness. And I don't want you to get the impression that I must have had a miserable Christmas or else I'd be sitting over here basking in the happiness the holidays brought.
Because I'm not an awful person. I don't think I'm wallowing. And I, in fact, had a lovely Christmas. One of the best ones in recent years!
But there is so much pain and loss and sadness. Not just in the world in general (which is true) but in my own back yard. Too many people missing their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, spouses, best friends. Too many people who never knew their mother and/or father. Too many friends wishing for just one more Christmas with their now angel child. People who spent Christmas in the hospital. People who just received bad news.
My goodness. The weight of it all. Which isn't even weight on my shoulders. But I feel it for those I love and care about. I wish I could fix it or right it or make the hurt go away.
But I can't.
And I think it comes out more at the holidays. Who do you want to spend your Christmas morning with?
My social media feeds were flooded with pictures of presents - big piles of them, small special gifts, toys flung all over the room, neat piles, messy piles, tons and tons of presents.
But that's not what we are all missing this time of year. We are missing people. Friends, relatives, lovers. That's what we are missing. We'd trade the biggest pile of presents ever for just one more holiday together, one more moment to make cookies together, or see a face light up when you've just given the best present ever, one more hug, one more kiss. Just one more "I love you. Always and forever."
That is the bitter part of bittersweet holidays, isn't it? The part where your heart aches so much you just aren't sure you can carry the weight of it in your chest anymore. Or the drop of your stomach as pain and sadness come flooding back.
It's there, between the laughter and new memories being made this year. It's there between the traditions you started with your own kids or are carrying down from your parents. It's there as you unwrap that special something you were given, or as your child runs over and bear hugs you because YOU ARE THE BEST EVER THANK YOU FOR ANOTHER AWESOME HOLIDAY!
I know some say you can't have light without darkness, happiness without sadness, etc, etc.
I'm not sure I completely believe that. I see where it comes from though. I get the sentiment behind it.
It still stings when there is darkness and sadness and pain.
It still hurts.
All of this to say, if you are hurting right now. Or are sad. Or are missing someone. You are not alone. And I'm sending love your way.