Monday, August 05, 2013

The Wedding

This weekend the family and I went to a wedding. It was such a beautiful wedding! We had a great time and were able to see so many awesome people. This was no surprise though - I've been looking forward to this wedding since I heard about it.

However, what did surprise me is how emotional it was. At one point I thought I was going to just start bawling. I usually tear up at weddings. I love them. They are so beautiful. Everyone looks gorgeous. The bride and the groom usually look so happy they could explode. They are simply glowing. I love every second of it, just love it.

This weekend's wedding is the first we have been to in 3 years. Which means it was the first wedding we've been to since my diagnosis. I've been to one reception locally for a wedding that originally took place far away. We've had to decline going to some other weddings because I was too sick to go, to close to post-surgery to travel, in the midst of chemo, etc, etc. Missing these weddings stunk, but it was what it was and I've mostly accepted that.

But this weekend, we were sitting at the church. The bride came down the aisle. I teared up, as usual. She was gorgeous. She was beaming. I was so happy for her, for her groom, for her family. So I teared up - happy tears, joyful tears. The service went on and it was time for the vows - I think most people know them: good times, bad times, in sickness and health, for richer, for poorer. And my heart just beat a little bit faster. I squeezed my husband's hand a little harder. And I thought in my head God, please don't let them know bad times. Please don't let them know sickness. Please keep them bathed in good times and health. Because I'm going to tell you - I have no doubt they could get through bad times, sickness, heart break, etc, but it sucks. It completely sucks.

Then I thought back to when I got married. We said the same vows. But we had no clue what they really meant at that time. We thought we did, but we really didn't. {Some couples really do know what it means, some have been through some pretty tough times together already. We were not one of them}. I wonder, only momentarily though, would we have done it differently had we known? But really, there is no way to answer that question. And frankly, I don't think I would have wanted to do it differently. I love my husband and I love my family. Some moments in our life have been awful. Some things we've been through have been hard. But they would have been 100 times more so had I not had my family with me.

And still, sitting in that church, hearing them say their vows, just stirred up so much emotion for me. So I told myself to stop it, to reign it in. I mean, I put mascara on and I didn't want it to run (I almost never wear make-up, so having it on is a big deal LOL). We made it through the ceremony and headed to the reception.

Fast forward through dinner to dancing. The first dance of the night, a slow song, husband and I were dancing and the tears came. That's when it dawned on me we hadn't danced in 3 years, that we hadn't been to a wedding in 3 years. All of that was before cancer. I feel like a dork saying it "that was before cancer" but it is a major point in our lives. I tell time by it - that happened after Mister Man was born but before cancer, that happened after cancer. Anyway, we're dancing and I'm crying and I'm feeling like an over-emotional dork who needs to get over it.

My husband though, this man who rocks, leans over and tells me that he's there for me - even in the hard times, in sickness, health, he's going to be by my side. No matter where the road may take us, and he wouldn't change anything that's happened so far. He doesn't just say it though, he's so sweet about it. He tenderly kissed my forehead, looked right into my eyes, and suddenly, right then, it's all okay. We've been though good and bad, health and sickness, rich and poor, and we're still together. We can still look into each other eyes, arms wrapped around each other, swaying to the music, and be so in love. 

I know, I know. It sounds so cheesy. But it's not. There's so much there in those moments. And I'm crying and smiling all at once. The rush of emotions tapers down and we danced for most of the rest of the night.

I loved it. I loved being a part of the wedding. I loved that my husband was there when the emotions surge. I love love! It's really an amazing thing.

And now, I know, to not let three years pass before I get to dance with my husband ;-)


  1. :) I'm crying and smiling as I read your post. The emotions run so deeply, don't they? ~Catherine

  2. I think thoughts like this at weddings now. I just don't express them so beautifully.


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