Hair

Despite my post from earlier this week, things haven't been all doom and gloom around here.

In fact, there is a lot of laughter and fun around these parts as well.

Anyway, a big topic around these parts this week is hair.

Earlier this week, I decided I wanted to rag curl my hair. I'm so over my frizzy hair, but I don't want to sit and curl it everyday - plus, I don't think the heat over and over is necessarily a good thing. So, these rag curls seemed like a good option.

Plus hair and I have a long history. I haven't always appreciated my hair. I haven't always had hair. Then it came back different than how it was before and I wasn't so keen about that either. But now it's got length, it's pretty healthy, and I mostly like it. Minus the frizz.

So, I cut some fabric up and rolled up some curls.

The first attempt was messy and not good. They kept falling out so I ended up, within an hour, rerolling them (with the tip to roll them up around a pencil to get a good roll. Okay. I used a knitting needle. Because it's what I had. It worked! lol!) Wrapping the hair around something made for a much better roll. Then I wrapped it all up in a head scarf and sported a huge bow on my head ;-)

The next morning I woke up and my hair was still damp. I had places to go so I couldn't mess with it too much. I blew dry what I could, unrolled, and pulled my fingers through. It didn't look too bad. And I thought, I'm really onto something here.

That night I rerolled it (with less damp hair). And the next morning my hair was still damp. Not as bad, but damp. So I blew dry it as much as I could. Then I unrolled the curls and thanks to not having morning plans, I then didn't touch it. After a few hours, I quickly ran my fingers through it and I was in love. Just to test the curls, I left my hair as it was and the next morning woke up, brushed it, and it still had some curl in it (just not as much). I'm so excited about this.

I will definitely be rag curling my hair quite a bit in the future. I can roll it in about 20 minutes right now, and I think once I get the hang of it better I can get it done even faster. Not a lot of time to get some hair that I'm just in love with!

Note: I used this tutorial and this tutorial to get the rag curls I liked. I roll them on the looser side (like the first tutorial) because I didn't want too tight curls plus I wanted to make sure everything would dry as much as it could!

Second Note: This is about 3 years of growth from when I was bald. I've only had 3 cuts since it started coming back in, and they were essentially trims. I've been told I have fast growing hair!

Hair

I haven't much talked about my hair lately. It's growing back, and I think rather quickly. But it's got this curl to it.

I know, I know. Some people pay good money to get curls in their hair. And I have in the past curled my hair. But with a curling iron. To get some nice soft, curls. These are crazy curls. That make my hair look kind of big (because it's short but thick!). Long story short, I mostly hate my hair.

I know, I know. It's "only" hair. But it's not, it's so much more. I think most people get it, but every so often I'll hear about how it's only hair or how someone has never been upset with their hair, even after a bad haircut. Well, I think that's awesome (no really, this is not sarcastic). I do not feel that way. Not after losing my hair during chemotherapy, not after it has come back in in this strange form that I am not used to. I am not above being upset about my hair.

A few weeks ago, I treated myself to a haircut. It is only the second cut I've had since losing my hair - the first being about a year ago.

Before I show you that, though, let's take a trip back in time!

Here is a picture from February 2011 (with my oldest daughter)

 

February 2012 (with my mom)

Before and after pictures from haircut this February

This cut made me mostly like my hair again. Granted, it helped that the stylist straightened it for me. I haven't been able to fully recreate it at home, but I can get pretty close with a straightener. Even the husband has admitted he likes it better straight.

After getting a haircut, I got brave and decided to dye my hair too. I will probably never do this again because it didn't work the first time, so we had to redo it and it's still not as even as I would like it, but it's not as bad as it was LOL!

Then I realized my hair was long enough to get a little braid in it. So, um, I might be braiding it a lot lately LOL!



And yes, this excites me. Being able to do something with my hair if I want to. Also, I feel like it's an outward symbol of me getting better and feeling good. You can't look at me anymore and wonder if I'm sick. There is no outward sign. No one stares at my bald head anymore. It really is a great thing!

So it may "only" be hair, but really? It is so much more! 

I haz hair

Exciting news at our household .... last Tuesday I was at my mom's and we noticed nothing. The next day, the husband noticed my hair was growing back in. {I didn't}. The next day my kids noticed. {I could sort of tell, but it was only in the back I needed two mirrors to see it}. Then, I could tell, but the hair was so small that a camera couldn't pick it up. Now, a camera can pick it up ... so look ... I have hair again!

I know. It's not much. But you can see it {can you also see how thin my eyebrows are? On a funny note, my eyebrows started losing falling out (along with my eyelashes) a few weeks ago ... several weeks after my last chemo! So strange!}. It's coming in very dark. But it was dark before, so this isn't a huge surprise. Still, if had come back lighter, I wouldn't have complained. Oh well. I'm taking what I'm getting.

I know, I know. On one hand it's just hair. But really? It's so much more. To me it's a sign. My body is healing. Things are trying to get back to normal. It's almost like that first bloom in the springtime. You know spring isn't over yet and snow could still fall, but it's a sign summer will come again. Just when you feel like winter will never end. And that's what this is for me ... and I'm so excited! =)

WIWOMH 7/21

Today I'm wearing this on my head



Oh yay, kind of a trick as I'm wearing nothing on my head. You may have heard but we're having this little heat wave around here. And I didn't need to leave the house today so I stayed uncovered.

Anyway, I also wanted to show you my bald head because I don't know if you can tell but I have a little bit of hair left. I kind of look a little like a fuzzball actually. But there is some hair. It's hanging on. I feel like it's telling the cancer f**k you ... you can't take all of us.

I'm also lucky because I still have eyebrows and eyelashes. Also, my leg hair seems to be growing back from when I last shaved, albeit slowly. But ha ha ha, cancer didn't take it all. And some days that feels pretty darn good.

The hardest thing ...

Well this weekend it became obvious it was time to shave the hair. I feel stupid admitting it, but this is the hardest thing I've done so far. Yes, including surgery and chemo. {Okay, if I'm being truly honest, telling the kids about the cancer was the hardest thing so far, but this was a very very very close second}.

Anyway, it might have seemed harder because I was still sick from chemo when we shaved it. And I talked a big game - I said we'd mohawk it or some other crazy thing, and when it came time to actually shave it, I wasn't feeling well and I was so emotional about it all. We ended up not doing anything fun ... we just did it.

Ugh. I'm still not okay with it. I just really hate it. Many a tear has been shed over this hair thing. And I feel kind of bad- like I always tell the kids the outside doesn't matter, and yet, clearly, it does otherwise I wouldn't care so much.

Anyway, my kids - they rock. I haven't talked much about them here, I know. Not because they aren't awesome, but it feels strange to talk about something so personal to them on here to the whole world - if that makes any sense at all. But it's true - it's not just me who has cancer, it's all of us. And I have to brag for a moment and let you know that my kids are handling absolutely the best they can. I'm constantly blown away and amazing at how just awesome they are being during this time.

And today, today, proved no less. Today the girls begged and pleaded to let me let them cut some of their barbie doll's hair. I didn't want to. I want to save them all for the grandchildren and have them looking lovely and nice. But then I paused. A) They asked. I cut my barbie's hair but I most certainly didn't ask first and B) They are barbie dolls. Perspective can be such a lovely thing LOL! So I told them they could do just a couple and have fun. A little while later I was presented with Brandie Barbie.



I love the bandanna (which they made). But it gets even better, when you take off the bandanna ...



I mean, how cool is that? I never in a million years expected to have a Barbie modeled after me. Aren't I super lucky? I am ... not because of the Barbie though ... it's because my kids rock. And just have a way to always put a smile on my face.

Wig Shopping

Yesterday my lovely mother and I went wig shopping. We each bought a wig. I LOVE the wig she bought - it's perfect for her. She loves the wig I bought. She says it's perfect for me. I bought it on her recommendation.

The truth is I don't think I would have liked any wig they put on my head, even if it was a wig, made with all of my hair and looked exactly like my hair looks right now. Because one of the things I hate the most about all of this, is that I have to lose my hair.

Sometimes I complain about my hair, but I actually mostly like my hair. And I like it long. And I hate that soon (yes soon, the falling out should start around Wednesday and be completely done (if we don't shave it before then which I think we will) within 2 weeks) it will be all gone. Having to go buy a wig is just a reminder that it's coming and coming soon.

I know, I know. Hair grows back. I'm told it often comes back looking nicer than before. But still. I'll be hairless. Blargh.

I think, for me, the biggest reason this bothers me is because it's like a shining beacon to the world wherever I go that I have cancer. Might as well just put it on a shirt and wear it out. Oh, well, I mean besides the awesome shirt my mom gave me for my birthday! LOL!

And really, it's silly for me to think that. I imagine the truth is that it's much like when you are 14 and you are positive the entire world is staring at you, watching your every move, when in truth they are too worried about you staring at them to really be staring at you.

Of course, the hair will grow back, this too shall pass. I have lots of pretty scarves and hats and now a wig (well, okay it still needs to be ordered, and trimmed, but they can't do that until I'm bald) to cover my head just in case my bald head is hideous and we didn't know it because my hair was so lovingly covering it!

And still. I wish I didn't need to get a wig. But this is life. And my hair loss is supposed to be short lived. And right now my hair grows quickly and I'm hoping and praying that doesn't change.

{As a side note I wish I had a picture to show you, but after we left I remembered I never pulled the camera out to take one and I really had intended to! Oh well, it will be here soon and I'll show it off then!}

Frenemy

"Frenemy" (alternately spelled "frienemy") is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or to a partner who is simultaneously a competitor and rival.[1] The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical, and commercial relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions. The word has appeared in print as early as 1953.
~from Wikipedia

I now have my first official frenemy. It's not pretty. I didn't want it to come to this. I wanted dearly to just be friends. Not even best friends, I mean, it's not like I wanted to go skipping off under a rainbow holding hands or anything like that. Just friends would have been okay.

But no, it just couldn't work that way. So here I am. With my first frenemy. My frenemy's name ... chemotherapy.

Yep. I had my first treatment last Wednesday. They warned my it would be rough. The doctor told me it would be hard. I didn't listen. I thought for sure I'd rise above it. I'd breeze through it. No big deal. Wrong.

It could have been worse. And I'm holding that thought dear in my heart right now. It could have been so much worse than it was. Other people have suffered so much worse than I did. But. Still. It sucked and I felt like crap. There's just no way around it. And it hit fast - much faster than I anticipated - not even 6 hours after treatment.

Things are still lingering - mostly nausea, headache, general achy-ness, just feeling crappy in general, not really being able to sleep. Also, I'm so amazingly dry - I drink and drink and drink, but I'm still so dry.

Again, I realize these symptoms could be so much worse. And I'm trying to keep that in perspective. But I can't lie - many tears were shed by me, many meds to offset the side effects of chemo were taken. {Thankfully one of them made me very sleepy and so a lot of sleeping also happened}.

But one round down. Three more in this treatment cycle to go. I'm a quarter of the way there. And I'm praying the next 7 weeks fly by!

As a side note, the nurses all LOVED my hair. So at least I had awesome hair - bright and colorful. It's kind of hard to walk by the mirror and not smile about the pink and purple hair ;-)

For those who are curious, the two drugs I'm currently receiving are this one and this one.

My hair on my terms .....

So later today I will go in for my first round of chemotherapy. I admit, I'm nervous about the side effects. I know they will try to prevent as many as they can - but I also know that I don't often respond to medicine as it's always predicted. So there is a small fear I will come home and be nauseous, uncomfortable, have other stomach trouble, etc, etc.

But the truth is that I'm most terrified of losing my hair. My hair. I actually kind of like my hair. No, I really do love my hair. And in about 2-4 weeks it will all be falling out. And I absolutely hate the idea of my hair falling out. Also, it will probably be messy or something like that and just annoying and oh, did I mention I really hate that my hair will be falling out. Because, yeah. I don't want to lose my hair. And if I could prevent it, I would. In a heartbeat.

So with that in mind, I decided I'm losing my hair on my own terms. And as long as my hair is coming out, I'm going to have fun with it. Because, well, mostly because I can! So last night, I took the proverbial bull by the horn and decided I would be in charge of my hair during this time ... not cancer.

Enter Samantha - a lovely girl who came to my mom's to do my hair


And first we bleached my hair

which seems totally shocking - well at least to me.

But we weren't done there.


And all of that together, allows me to look like this:




Seriously, I'm in love with my hair. I'm so absolutely in love with my hair. I can't believe I've never done anything like that before in my life {Until now, I had highlights put in about 12 years ago and until now that's it!}.

So there you go. Cancer is NOT going to be in charge of my hair. It's MY hair. And I'm in charge of it.

Of course, up next in the hair department will be a complete head shaving. I'm thinking maybe a mohawk for a day or so. I mean, I've never had a mohawk (other than when I was like 7 years old and did it with too much shampoo in the bathtub). We'll see. I have a couple weeks to decide. But don't worry, I'll keep you all posted ;-)

Olympic Inspiration!

The Olympics are over and done with, but they are still effecting us!

My oldest dd has signed up for diving classes! She had her first class on Sunday. My hubby took her, so I didn't get to see much. It's an intro to diving and she said she did a "t dive." I should be taking her this weekend and I plan to take pictures to show you all, because I am sure one day she will be a famous diver and you can say you all saw it here first ROFL! (Just kidding, I don't really think that and I certainly don't expect it. We signed up for fun, not to be in the Olympics).

Now, the Olympics also influenced us in other ways. One night while watching track and field, we saw something we knew we had to try at home:



Yep! A hairstyle! =) A french braid that looks like a headband really. I know, really, I think we are only people in America who can watch the Olympics and copy a hairstyle! [and I wish I could have found a picture of the athlete to show you here too but I didn't. Sorry!]

Anyway, this is how we did my 6 year old's hair for her birthday party! It just looked so cute. I think I took 10 pictures just of her hair I was so in love with it. I wish she would let me do it again like that. She LOVED the hairstyle too, but it's sort of awkward to do. At least, it's awkward for me to do it on her! But, seriously, it looks so cute that I just love it and wanted to show it here for all of you to admire too LOL!

More Hair Talk ...

Because I will talk about it by far way too much for the next few weeks.
I woke up this morning and I hate it more than I did last night.
This is what I think ... the total length, I'm fine with. In fact, I kind of like the length it is actually. It feels cool and I think it's sort of cutish.
What I am HATING is the layers that were put in. The layers are MUCH MUCH too short.
I know why she gave me layers. My hair is incredibly thick. It really looks better with layers. Except I usually get long layers - which means that the layers aren't that much shorted than the length of my hair.
I really really really wish that is what would have been done last night. The shortest layers are what I hate the most. When the layers are pulled back - I really like my hair. Although, interestingly enough, my husband thinks it's worse LOL
I appreciate the nice comments about how it looks. But my husband and an (honest) friend both agree that the cut might not be the one for me.
The good news is that I think a couple of inches will make a difference, and since the average person's hair grows at 1/2 inch per month, that means in a few months I should be much happier with it. And if I'm not ... you will eventually see a post about hair extensions, because I am not opposed to them at all at this point.
And also, I am not too embarrassed to admit, I googled hair growth formulas and I just might try out one of the vitamins and see if it in fact does make a difference!

I know, I know - it's just hair right? But when you hate how it looks, it is in fact not just hair. It's the thing on top of your head that you cringe at everytime you glance in a mirror!

The New Haircut ...

Well, my daughters and I have been growing our hair out for Locks of Love for 18 months now. We all decided last week it was finally time to get it cut. So I booked the appointment, and tonight, all three of us (together) had our hair chopped off.

The before shot:


The during shot:


(I might add the stylists were all nice enough to make those cuts with us standing by each other so that my husband could take some shots of it. We kind of were the buzz of the salon because the three of us were getting the hair cut together for the purpose of donation!)

After (from the back):


After (from the front):



A little background here.
My (now) 8 year old is the one who suggested we do this. The (now) 6 year old was all over doing it too - not that she understood really what we were doing 100% but she knew she would have long hair, then short hair, and help another child out - which is enough knowledge I think! So, at that point I jumped in to say I would do it too.
I am glad I did it with girls. I think it made charity seem a lot better for them, because not only did I support them, but I did it with them - if that makes sense. I will proudly mail all our ponytail's in and it felt good to do this.

However, all of that said, I really hate my hair right now. Ugh. I just want to cry and not leave the house. I know right now it might be shock of getting so much chopped off talking. And the best news, it will grow back again - which is fabulous! But, as if me not liking it wasn't enough, my husband admitted he didn't like it either. Ugh. Here's praying it grows back quickly!

On the up side, I would be open to doing this again. But next time, I will grow my hair much longer so that when I get it cut, I have more length that stays on my head LOL!