My dear readers,
I never thought I'd say this, but I feel like I'm out of things to talk about. Or that I'm to the point where I'd just be saying the same thing over and over again. I think my brain is just a bit fried right now.
So I'm asking for your help. Please, I beg of you, leave me some questions in the comments area. I'll answer them over the next few posts. They can be about anything at all. I mean anything. If I don't like it, I just won't answer! Ha ha! =) Although I can't think off the top of my head what I wouldn't answer, so I doubt that will be an issue.
Anyway, hope everyone is having a great day. Leave me questions. It would make my day =)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The Future ...
Last week my husband and I were able to go out to dinner alone. This is huge deal. We haven't gone out on a "date" in so long. It seems most of the year was wrapped up with sickness and then just as we left all the winter illness behind we were hit with my cancer diagnosis.
Anyway, we got out and it was so nice. While we were out husband started to talk to me about our future. He specifically brought up dreams I've talked about greatly in the past. And I can't lie. My anxiety sky rocketed and I couldn't talk to him about it.
You see the future right now is a scary place for me. Don't get me wrong, I feel very positive that this cancer will be gone and I'll go into remission and it won't come back. And yet, I'm terrified that the cancer is not gone. Or it will go away but return again. It's not uncommon for women who have breast cancer like mine to get it 2, 3, even more times in their lifetime.
That knowledge makes thinking about, planning for, or even dreaming about the future very difficult for me. I need to focus on today. Getting through the now. And once we are through all of this, hopefully I can back to dreaming and planning.
Anyway, we got out and it was so nice. While we were out husband started to talk to me about our future. He specifically brought up dreams I've talked about greatly in the past. And I can't lie. My anxiety sky rocketed and I couldn't talk to him about it.
You see the future right now is a scary place for me. Don't get me wrong, I feel very positive that this cancer will be gone and I'll go into remission and it won't come back. And yet, I'm terrified that the cancer is not gone. Or it will go away but return again. It's not uncommon for women who have breast cancer like mine to get it 2, 3, even more times in their lifetime.
That knowledge makes thinking about, planning for, or even dreaming about the future very difficult for me. I need to focus on today. Getting through the now. And once we are through all of this, hopefully I can back to dreaming and planning.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'm alive ....
I'm here and alive. I just haven't been on the computer too much lately. Sorry about that. I hate to leave everyone hanging, but sometimes it's just hard to get on here.
So here's an update:
Last week I started my new medicine. I am now on Taxol and Herceptin. The Taxol I get every other week for 8 weeks. The Herceptin is every week for 8 weeks, then it switches over to every 3 weeks for one year. Yes, you read that right ... I will be on Herceptin for one year. The good news is the as far as I can tell the herceptin has almost no side effects (there are other things going on that I don't believe are related to this medicine, but it's hard to tell with the taxol right now) and only takes 30 minutes to get so those visits aren't hours long.
The Taxol is much much much much (yes, we are stressing the much) easier than the other two medicines were. That being said, over the weekend I was hit with intense muscle/joint pain that essentially kept me in bed all weekend. The blessing here is that it happened over the weekend, when Saint Husband is home to, well, do everything!
My energy is still tanking. The chemo has been and continues to lower my red blood count every week. It is very likely that soon I will have to get a blood transfusion because of the red blood cell count. I won't lie, thinking about getting a blood transfusion scares me. I know it's safe but still. There is fear there. But. I'm also committed to doing whatever it takes to get through this in one piece, so if we have to add that to the list of things to do, so be it.
However, that is not the most nerve-wracking things on my mind right now. Maybe you've heard it - it's just starting to hit news outlets, but there is a shortage of many chemotherapy drugs in the US right now (here's one article if you are interested). Taxol (yes, the one I'm on right now) is one of the drugs there is a shortage of. My oncologists office does not day to day whether it will be available. Last Wednesday when I went they had it, but tomorrow? The next day? Next Wednesday when I go into get it again? It may not be available. My doctor has a back-up medicine they will use instead, so I won't have to go without chemo while we wait for it to become available. But some people right now are not able to get the chemo they need and it really makes me mad. Also. I don't want a back up plan. I want the plan A. I don't know, cancer and plan B just don't seem like they should go together. But at least there is a back up plan. As I said, some people don't have other medicines they can take instead.
Anyway, that's what's going on around these parts.
So here's an update:
Last week I started my new medicine. I am now on Taxol and Herceptin. The Taxol I get every other week for 8 weeks. The Herceptin is every week for 8 weeks, then it switches over to every 3 weeks for one year. Yes, you read that right ... I will be on Herceptin for one year. The good news is the as far as I can tell the herceptin has almost no side effects (there are other things going on that I don't believe are related to this medicine, but it's hard to tell with the taxol right now) and only takes 30 minutes to get so those visits aren't hours long.
The Taxol is much much much much (yes, we are stressing the much) easier than the other two medicines were. That being said, over the weekend I was hit with intense muscle/joint pain that essentially kept me in bed all weekend. The blessing here is that it happened over the weekend, when Saint Husband is home to, well, do everything!
My energy is still tanking. The chemo has been and continues to lower my red blood count every week. It is very likely that soon I will have to get a blood transfusion because of the red blood cell count. I won't lie, thinking about getting a blood transfusion scares me. I know it's safe but still. There is fear there. But. I'm also committed to doing whatever it takes to get through this in one piece, so if we have to add that to the list of things to do, so be it.
However, that is not the most nerve-wracking things on my mind right now. Maybe you've heard it - it's just starting to hit news outlets, but there is a shortage of many chemotherapy drugs in the US right now (here's one article if you are interested). Taxol (yes, the one I'm on right now) is one of the drugs there is a shortage of. My oncologists office does not day to day whether it will be available. Last Wednesday when I went they had it, but tomorrow? The next day? Next Wednesday when I go into get it again? It may not be available. My doctor has a back-up medicine they will use instead, so I won't have to go without chemo while we wait for it to become available. But some people right now are not able to get the chemo they need and it really makes me mad. Also. I don't want a back up plan. I want the plan A. I don't know, cancer and plan B just don't seem like they should go together. But at least there is a back up plan. As I said, some people don't have other medicines they can take instead.
Anyway, that's what's going on around these parts.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Half-way ....
I am now officially half-way through chemo.
The last 8 weeks have taught me so much. There is so much more that happens during chemo than I ever realized before. So for fun I thought I'd share some tidbits with you.
1. First and foremost, the biggest thing I learned is each person reacts VERY differently to chemo. It's such an individualized response.So keep that in mind as you read my list. It might look very different if someone else wrote it. Also, different medicines have different side effects.
2. In the movies the big thing shown is fatigue and nausea. While both of those do and can happen there is so much more that. Chemotherapy has affected my whole entire body. It has caused havoc on my emotions. It's affected my ability to sleep. It has screwed with my mind. I feel like no part of me was untouched by it.
3. My sense of smell has gone haywire. This is actually pretty common with all chemo, so please keep this in mind if you are going to visit someone undergoing chemo. My nose is hyper-sensitive. Perfumes, food, flowers, etc, all can now make me feel nauseous. We even had to switch some of our soap and our liquid dish soap because the smells were so bothersome to me. People who wear tons of perfume or heavily scented anything, I have to take some steps back from. Walking through the grocery store - all those smells mingled together. Oh my. Sometimes when husband is cooking I have to leave the first floor of the house and go to our bedroom to get away from the smell. If you remember nothing else from this list, please remember this. Almost everyone I know who has undergone chemo had the same issue.
4. Aside from feeling tired and sick to my stomach, chemo has given me sore feet, sore hands, sores on my tongue, sore throat and other stomach problems. I didn't know chemo could do all of that until I went through it. Days when my hands are sore, I can't wear my wedding rings which makes me feel sad. I've had to stop wearing some of my shoes because of my feet. At the height of my tongue sores (which are thankfully doing much better now) it hurt to eat, drink and talk. In addition to this, at times I get muscle and joint pain that can make moving at all extra painful. I've been spared the worst of that. Some people get it much worse. Basically my point is chemo affects your whole entire body.
5. My emotions have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I blame the chemo. It may not directly cause this emotional roller coaster, but the side effects that I'm dealing with, all the doctors appointments, not being able to do what I normally do around the house, with the kids, with my husband, some days I sleep 18 hours, other days I suffer from extreme insomnia. That's in addition to mentally trying to work through the fact that I have cancer, feeling like my body betrayed me, wondering why I didn't know I had cancer sooner, etc, etc, you can imagine some days I'm just an emotional wreck. Thankfully this is not every day or even most days. But some days it's hits so hard and fast.
So as you can see the chemo can just affect every single part of my body, of my life. It makes sense when you really think about but I didn't fully understand it until I was there, dealing with it.
The last 8 weeks have taught me so much. There is so much more that happens during chemo than I ever realized before. So for fun I thought I'd share some tidbits with you.
1. First and foremost, the biggest thing I learned is each person reacts VERY differently to chemo. It's such an individualized response.So keep that in mind as you read my list. It might look very different if someone else wrote it. Also, different medicines have different side effects.
2. In the movies the big thing shown is fatigue and nausea. While both of those do and can happen there is so much more that. Chemotherapy has affected my whole entire body. It has caused havoc on my emotions. It's affected my ability to sleep. It has screwed with my mind. I feel like no part of me was untouched by it.
3. My sense of smell has gone haywire. This is actually pretty common with all chemo, so please keep this in mind if you are going to visit someone undergoing chemo. My nose is hyper-sensitive. Perfumes, food, flowers, etc, all can now make me feel nauseous. We even had to switch some of our soap and our liquid dish soap because the smells were so bothersome to me. People who wear tons of perfume or heavily scented anything, I have to take some steps back from. Walking through the grocery store - all those smells mingled together. Oh my. Sometimes when husband is cooking I have to leave the first floor of the house and go to our bedroom to get away from the smell. If you remember nothing else from this list, please remember this. Almost everyone I know who has undergone chemo had the same issue.
4. Aside from feeling tired and sick to my stomach, chemo has given me sore feet, sore hands, sores on my tongue, sore throat and other stomach problems. I didn't know chemo could do all of that until I went through it. Days when my hands are sore, I can't wear my wedding rings which makes me feel sad. I've had to stop wearing some of my shoes because of my feet. At the height of my tongue sores (which are thankfully doing much better now) it hurt to eat, drink and talk. In addition to this, at times I get muscle and joint pain that can make moving at all extra painful. I've been spared the worst of that. Some people get it much worse. Basically my point is chemo affects your whole entire body.
5. My emotions have been a roller coaster of ups and downs. I blame the chemo. It may not directly cause this emotional roller coaster, but the side effects that I'm dealing with, all the doctors appointments, not being able to do what I normally do around the house, with the kids, with my husband, some days I sleep 18 hours, other days I suffer from extreme insomnia. That's in addition to mentally trying to work through the fact that I have cancer, feeling like my body betrayed me, wondering why I didn't know I had cancer sooner, etc, etc, you can imagine some days I'm just an emotional wreck. Thankfully this is not every day or even most days. But some days it's hits so hard and fast.
So as you can see the chemo can just affect every single part of my body, of my life. It makes sense when you really think about but I didn't fully understand it until I was there, dealing with it.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
School's in session
We started our homeschool year on Sunday.
I originally thought we'd delay the start, but after lots of thinking about it (including toying with the idea of sending all kids to the local pubic school this year),starting early seemed to be a much better option. That way, should we need to take a day off here or there for any medical reasons, we'll already be ahead so to speak and have more lee-way. Although both girls are showing they can work pretty independently, so I'm actually not that worried about it. As long as they know what to do, they are good at getting it done, which is such a blessing!
We also came to the conclusion that 5yo can not continue at his private school this year. So it looks like he will in fact attending kindergarten at the local public school. I've got a call into the school to find out about registering him (since, um, technically, we should have done all of this in the spring for kindergarten! Yikes!). The difference is all day kindergarten vs. half day. I really wanted him at the all day program purely for selfish reasons ... I will try to do as many doctor visits, including radiation which will be daily, while he's in school and all day would have given me more flexibility. But we'll work with what we can get.
Anyway, this year is going to be very bittersweet for me. It appears (but I also know a lot can change in a year) that both girls want to go to school next year. So this could be my last year as a homeschooling mom. I'm heartbroken about this. I can't lie. But I also understand and at this point won't force them to stay home any longer. We'll see how this year goes though and next year is still a long way off.
For now, we'll be toiling away and hitting the books hard. Our big focus this year will be writing, especially for the 11yo. The 8yo will be focusing a lot on spelling.
I figure starting is the hardest part, especially when the neighbor kids are still home. But we've started. 3 days down. 54 more weeks to go ;-)
I originally thought we'd delay the start, but after lots of thinking about it (including toying with the idea of sending all kids to the local pubic school this year),starting early seemed to be a much better option. That way, should we need to take a day off here or there for any medical reasons, we'll already be ahead so to speak and have more lee-way. Although both girls are showing they can work pretty independently, so I'm actually not that worried about it. As long as they know what to do, they are good at getting it done, which is such a blessing!
We also came to the conclusion that 5yo can not continue at his private school this year. So it looks like he will in fact attending kindergarten at the local public school. I've got a call into the school to find out about registering him (since, um, technically, we should have done all of this in the spring for kindergarten! Yikes!). The difference is all day kindergarten vs. half day. I really wanted him at the all day program purely for selfish reasons ... I will try to do as many doctor visits, including radiation which will be daily, while he's in school and all day would have given me more flexibility. But we'll work with what we can get.
Anyway, this year is going to be very bittersweet for me. It appears (but I also know a lot can change in a year) that both girls want to go to school next year. So this could be my last year as a homeschooling mom. I'm heartbroken about this. I can't lie. But I also understand and at this point won't force them to stay home any longer. We'll see how this year goes though and next year is still a long way off.
For now, we'll be toiling away and hitting the books hard. Our big focus this year will be writing, especially for the 11yo. The 8yo will be focusing a lot on spelling.
I figure starting is the hardest part, especially when the neighbor kids are still home. But we've started. 3 days down. 54 more weeks to go ;-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)