|Our Christmas elves being all festive!|
Our elves have arrived. Our tree is up (though not yet decorated). Tomorrow is my son's birthday. We have a wreath on the fireplace and one on our door. A few days ago the kids made gingerbread houses. Cards are starting to arrive in the mail. Most presents have been bought. And there is a layer of snow on the ground.
And me? I feel no Christmas spirit. Nothing. Nada. Not a thing.
Which makes me feel sad. Which makes me feel less spirited. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I'm still struggling with these headaches. At their worst, I would call them debilitating. If there is a medical measurement for this, I'm not sure I reach it. But it feels like it. At their worst, I feel barely capable of functioning. At their worst my eyes get twitchy, so I don't drive. I can't think. The prescription I have helps when the headaches aren't full strength. When the headaches are at their worst though, the medicine isn't so helpful.
I called my primary care doctor in tears last week and asked for a referral to a neurologist. Can another doctor help me? I don't know, but I'm desperate. I did all the other doctors asked of me and it's not helping. And if someone tells me they are being caused by stress again? I might scream. Of course I'm stressed. My head is freaking pounding, my eyes are twitching, and I'm pretty sure my head is about 10 seconds away from exploding. OF COURSE I'M STRESSED!
I also have an appointment with an eye doctor. I haven't been to one in too long. The doctor I had, and was great, left the state. Her replacement was not even slightly as great so I never went back. The new eye doctor's office seems nice. As nice as they can be on the phone anyway.
And I called the chiropractor. I used to see her regularly. She's very nice. But with all the treatment I've undergone the last two years, I often wish to NOT be touched and the thought of going to see her isn't exciting. (I know, it's weird. But I'm all touched out and mostly have no desire to have anyone touch me so I haven't been to see her). Alas, I will go back because I figure it can't hurt!
In the meantime, I'll be doing my best to try to find some Christmas spirit. Because it's not that I don't want to have it. I just need some extra help getting there this year.